Here’s a post from 8 years ago that’s just as “real” today as it was then.

When you pit reality against destiny, it’s a mismatch.

Reality ALWAYS wins.

It’s amazing to me how we try and squeeze reality into our model of destiny. It’s the typical case of attempting to arrange the facts so they support our belief.

There is no arranging reality.

Destiny has an air of resignation about it. “It was meant to be this way.” Truth is, the only meaning it contains is the one you consciously added to it. That would be like saying, “The wind meant to blow off my roof.” The wind doesn’t care. It just is.

No one has a fate for you all lined up and ready to go. When you believe that, you can make an excuse for anything, my favorites of which are: “The Devil made me do it” and “It was God’s plan.”

I can think of no more limiting concept than destiny. It’s something we made up. Notice that reality contains the word “Real.”

Destiny keeps you contained in a self made box. Reality has no limitations.

The only destiny that exists is contained in your patterns of belief. Change your belief and you change your destiny. That’s the reality of destiny.

“I was meant to be poor” is a destiny myth. The reality is, “You were patterned to be poor.”

Your patterns can be your destiny if you let them. The key to a self made destiny is to notice your patterns. So many of them run on automatic pilot that we fail to notice the stimulus/response contained in each one of them.

Noticing that you have patterns is noticing reality. When we begin to notice reality, we begin to see the building blocks of the pattern we have labeled as “Destiny.”

You can create your own destiny; you just have to notice that you have the ability to do so. The process begins by noticing the reality of stimulus/response. When you recognize a stimulus and interrupt your patterned response to it and choose another, you have chosen a new destiny.

Unlike the current model of being resigned to your destiny, the new model of manifesting your own destiny takes some action on your part.

The action is to notice that your “Destiny” was created by your conditioned thoughts and behaviors. When you make the effort to interrupt them and choose others, you will discover the reality of your destiny.

All the best,

John

As I get older, I find myself asking, “How does this movie end?”

The focus is not so much on my ending but, more so, on what will happen with the people I leave behind.

There’s really no way to tell, but it doesn’t keep me from wondering.

How will my children and grandchildren fare? How will my surviving friends and other family members make out? Does the “Law & Order” TV franchise ever end?

I want to leave them something, something other than tangible things. I heard Katie Cassidy the daughter of the late, teen star David Cassidy quote her father’s last words: “So much wasted time.”

She took her dad’s message to heart and vowed to make the most of her time. Her father left her with a guidepost.

I remember when I turned 50. My father called to wish me happy birthday and I asked him a question. I said, “Dad, you’ve already been 50. If you were 50 again, what would you do differently? He didn’t hesitate and replied, ‘save more money.'”

He gave me a great birthday present.

I sure hope I’m acting in an epic movie that goes on for a long time but every movie ends. So what can I leave to those near and dear when I leave the theatre?

I’d like to leave them the gift of response.

So much of our lives are about patterned reactions which become stale over time and stultify life. Nothing new comes to us when we’re in reaction mode, which is almost always.

The gift I want to give to my family and friends is to let them know that they always have the ability to respond rather than react. Just becoming aware of your ability to respond brings more freshness to your life. Acting on that awareness and choosing a response brings a lifetime of options – options that would have remained hidden in the shadows of a reaction.

Each time you see the credits rolling at the end of a movie or TV show, let them serve as a reminder that you’re more than a pat answer. You’re a creator of responses – ones that direct your own version of “It’s A Wonderful Life.”

All the best,

John

Below is a “Throwback Thursday” musing from many moons ago.

I was testing out my new video camera yesterday. I recorded my neighbor’s golf swing and then my own and we were reviewing the finer points of our mechanics on the viewfinder frame by frame. Amazingly, we were doing just what our instructors had said we were doing. After this, I just sat down on my front steps, looked into the camera and spontaneously started talking about abundance.

Maybe it was Spring that was coming up all around me that inspired my musings but the essence of it went something like this:

There is a difference between glitter and gold.

That which we reach out for is glitter; that which we mine for is gold.

When we reach out to grasp something, it’s very difficult to hold on to it for long. It becomes heavy and slips from our grasp. It’s temporary. We attempt to hoard it so we don’t have the burden of holding it. This practice sets up a mindset of lack and produces thoughts and actions that there will never be enough.

The reaching out process keeps us off balance – just like when you lean off your merry-go-round horse to reach for the brass ring. The risk/reward ratio is not in our favor. Reaching is a large wager with a puny payday.

Also, with reaching, many of us have been conditioned that we have to take what we want. We have to “go for the gusto.” And if your parents are like most, they taught you something else – not to take things that aren’t yours. When you reach out for something you don’t have, at another level, it is sensed that you are taking something that doesn’t belong to you. This out of awareness tug of war will keep you reaching and dropping.

We reach because we are conditioned to be mesmerized by the shiny exterior. This has us reach for all things that glitter. Reminds me of an old joke . . .

Why did the husband give his wife a cheap, shiny ring for Christmas? So it would turn green in time for St. Patrick’s Day.

The glitter is the bait to make us reach. And even though our instructor has told us that reaching won’t get us what we want, we continue to do it until we see our actions, frame by frame, are not getting us what we want.

That’s when we start mining for gold.

All abundance comes from within and spills outward. There is no reaching and no illusionary thoughts that you are taking it away from someone. In fact, there is so much of it; there is more than enough to go around. This is the lesson of the loaves and fishes that Jesus taught his disciples.

There is no need to hoard it because there is plenty more where that came from. It is a self replenishing supply because it is coming from infinity to which there is no end.

There is no end to true abundance. Once you know that you are the source of it, it’s no longer necessary to look for it in the Jones’ driveway.

Once you begin to realize that the same abundance you see outside is also in you, that’s when you stop reaching and begin mining.

If you don’t know there is a mother lode within, you’ll never carefully look at your reaching strategy to find out that it’s not working. You’ll just keep making the same mistake over and over again and over extending yourself.

The real you beneath your grasping ego has access to universal abundance. You just have to go there and mine for gold. Once you recognize the abundant state within, your reach will never exceed your grasp.

All the best,

John

The other day I was struck with the contrast between being stupid and being aware.

Stupid does not equal lack of education. There are a lot of stupid, smart people.

Stupid, aside from being a pejorative, suggests to me that there is a lack of awareness present. You may define that lack of awareness as being ignorant and I would agree, except when that ignorance is willful. Then it’s stupid.

Fill in the blank . . . The people from (state, city, town, country) are stupid. Reminds me of a story . . .

I’ve lived in 8 states and have visited 43. I grew up in Pennsylvania and have heard and said the following phrase countless times: “Those damn, stupid Jersey drivers.” It’s the same everywhere I go. Please substitute your neighboring city or state to validate my point.

What we’re really saying is they are ignorant when it comes to the rules of the road. If it’s politely pointed out to them (no, not with that finger), and they continue to do it, they are willfully ignorant or, better stated, just plain stupid.

Stupid people choose to ignore facts. Oftentimes, they will counter a factual presentation with an “exception to the rule” argument. For example, you may accurately state that your football team has the oldest starting lineup in the league. You know you’re talking to someone stupid when they move the goal post and reply, “oh yea, we just signed the youngest running back in the division.”

The discussion is no longer about the facts presented. It’s a willful attempt to distract from the facts to make it about the exception.

If you turn your back to the facts, sorry to say, you are stupid.

If you are willfully ignoring the facts to make your point, your point will only hit home with your fan club – those too stupid to be aware.

All the best,

John

Even though I wrote this post over 9 years ago, this ship is still in troubled waters.

I was having my bathroom tiled last year at this time. The man who did the job was truly a craftsman and truly miserable. I remembered his work from many years before but I had forgotten how steeped in misery he was on a personal level. After having him in my home for a couple of days, The Grasshopper had these two things to say:

“Your misery will continue if you would rather be right than get right.”

“Being right gets in the way of getting right.”

This man lives in the conceptual world of right and wrong. You may have already guessed that in this drama he plays the part of “Right.” As I listened to his stories, they were swollen with how this one was wrong and that person was wrong and, by and large, what idiots always showed up in his life. Reminds me of a story . . .

There is a man who is moving to a new area and decides to ask a local farmer what the people in the area are like. The farmer asks him a question before answering, “What are the people like in the area where you currently live?” The man said the people were honest, hard working, family folks and wonderful neighbors. The farmer said, “That’s exactly the kind of people you will find here.” Not but a few minutes later another man came by and asked the same question. The farmer again asked, “What are the people like in the area where you currently live?” This man said, “They are dishonest, back biting, people who are only out for themselves.” The farmer replied, “That’s exactly the kind of people you will find here.”

Getting right is recognizing that you are the cause of your wrong. When someone rights the ship, they are guiding it to an upright position and steering it out of harm’s way towards advantageous sailing conditions.

Making someone wrong is best left for court cases. When you make someone wrong, you always have the accent on the wrong syllable – “out there.” Something out there is wrong and causes me to be miserable. The longer you keep accentuating external conditions, the longer you will sail on the rails.

The quicker you take responsibility for your own state of mind, the sooner you will right the ship.

It’s amazing that we never notice that making someone wrong never brings us peace – just continued misery. People want to justify their rightness, and when it becomes a way of life, it seems everything always goes wrong.

You can spend your entire life trying to convince people that you are right but as The Grasshopper has said,

“Some people would rather be right than happy. And preferring to be right, they are left out.”

If you have truly been wronged, please address it. If you simply have to always be right, you are in for a lonely existence.

Getting right is noticing how invested you are in the concept of being “right,” and recognizing the misery that’s attached.

For many, always being right is a protection mechanism from the pain of being wrong. Someone who is always right has been conditioned to feel wrong somewhere along the way. The pain of being wrong is so severe that they cannot even entertain the idea, so they invest all their energy in being right.

Don’t give up your morals, just give up being right.

Being right is like being on drugs. It’s addictive. Begin to wean yourself away by recognizing your need to be right. Just by noticing this pattern of behavior, you begin to bring your boat to an even keel and set sail towards serenity.

All the best,

John

Here’s a blast from my radio past.

Verbs are the action words of the English language. They often communicate movement. Verbs also have tenses – too many to mention, so let’s focus on the three that are used most – past present and future. Reminds me of a story . . .

Back in 1974 I was offered a radio job in St. Louis by a man I came to like less and less. I was, however, impressed by a piece of information he shared with me on the phone. He told me that my performance would improve by making one slight adjustment – using action verbs. For example, if you are the morning DJ on a station, you may say something like, “WXYZ the home of the hits and you may be having trouble popping out of bed this morning so here is my way of helping you with a song by Stark Naked & the Car Thieves on WXYZ.”

His suggestion would be to say, “WXYZ – the home of the hits pops you out of bed and gets you on your way. Here’s Stark Naked & The Car Thieves on WXYZ.” It was more succinct and communicated more action. Little did I know that was the only helpful piece of information he would ever offer.

Have you noticed that action can only take place now?

“I raked the leaves last fall” has no impact on the pile sitting on your lawn right now. Action may have taken place in the past but that is only a memory now. Raking is not happening now. It happened then.

“I’m going to begin an exercise program” has no current action attached to it. It’s deferred to the future, yet our mind thinks we have taken action by making this declaration.

How many of your verbs are past and future related? Action can only take place in the present tense.

One of my most unfavorite phrases is, “I tried that.” Forget for a moment that the word “try” connotes no action. When I investigate the person’s use of this phrase with follow-up questions, I usually discover there was a lack of necessary effort on their part to achieve their goal.

Goals require sustained action. The athlete who only turns it on for the big game will have a shorter career than most. When his physical prowess begins to diminish, he has nothing to fall back on. The athlete who takes sustained action elongates his professional window of opportunity.

How much hit and miss is present in your life? It boils down to a noun that needs the moving energy of a verb – Action.

After formulating a goal, here is a suggestion: Ask yourself, “What action can I take right now to move towards this desire?” The answer may be “nothing at this time” but there is action embedded in the question.

Develop the practice of asking yourself, “What action can I take right now?” You will surprise yourself how much more action you take by asking this one simple present moment question.

Go ahead, give it a spin right now and see what happens.

WHAT ACTION CAN I TAKE RIGHT NOW?

All the best,

John

The Grasshopper came up with this definition the other day: “Justifications: Telltale signs that you’re not working on a solution.”

I recently wrote something called “Explaining Why Until You Die“ and this post is an addendum to that observation.

Justifications either move you backwards or keep you in place. They rarely lead to forward progress.

When we’re busy justifying, we take all our time looking for a scapegoat or a support group to agree with us instead of taking that opportunity to seek a solution.

Solutions can’t occupy the same space as justifications. Justifications and solutions mix even less than oil and water.

I just saw a football player’s apology online. It started with an explanation (justification) of why he did what he did. There is no room in an apology for a justification. It keeps the bad blood in place and the solution you purport to want at arm’s length.

An effective and heartfelt apology is completely falling on your sword. Anything else will come off as half-baked. You may as well have said, “Let them eat cake.”

Here’s a suggestion: If you need to apologize for something, write it out first and then read it over. If it contains any reasons (justifications) why you acted the way you did, it simply won’t work. Take away the justification and clear the way toward a solution.

If you really want a solution, edit out the justification and remove the pollution.

All the best,

John

How often have you heard the phrase, “As I’ve always said” from people who said no such thing?

“As I’ve always said” is a red flag that you’re about to hear some form of a backtrack phrase designed to cover what they emphatically once said to the contrary.

It’s amazing to me the lengths we will go to avoid saying, “I was wrong.”

I’m reminded of the character Fonzie from the 70s TV series “Happy Days” and his inability to say certain words (see clip HERE).

The failure to apologize without justification is just another form of the fear of being wrong.

The smell of elephant dung leaves the room when you make room for being wrong.

The odds for being right all the time are never in our favor. Being able to acknowledge being wrong about something gets you a seat at the adult table.

For you sports fans, I remember saying that quarterback Jameis Winston was going to be the next Vince Young (a college standout who was a flash in the pan as a pro). Boy was I wrong. This kid is flourishing.

How hard is it to acknowledge that your opinion didn’t pan out or that something you did was wrong? You’ll garner more respect and, frankly, feel better when you do.

As I’ve always said, “when I’m right, I’m right.” Too bad for me I can’t say it that often.

All the best,

John

Had a phone conversation with my friend Hali yesterday and she told me about something she noticed. She, being a thrift store shopper, noticed that the thrift stores that have higher end merchandise have more books on inventory than the thrift stores with lower end goods.

It got me to wondering about noticing.

Have you ever noticed that the person who speaks incredibly loud has the least to say?

Have you ever noticed that the people with the most rules are the first to complain?

Have you ever noticed that TV ads for medicines you never heard of contain the words “your doctor” at least 3 times in the ad?

Have you ever noticed that someone who says, “that’s a good question” is stalling?

Have you ever noticed that the most oppositional people you know are also the most immature?

Just a few more . . .

Have you ever noticed that people who say, “I’m sorry, but . . . ” are not sorry?

Have you ever noticed that people who speak in hyperbole always under-deliver?

Have you ever noticed the most angry people you know are also the most sad?

This may sound like a rant and it is, but the larger point is to start noticing the bothersome things we do that cause others to say, “Have you ever noticed?” about you.

All the best,

John

Knowledge and Wisdom are associated but not interchangeable. Here’s a little nip of nectar The Grasshopper gave me 10 years ago:

“Expanding your life horizontally gains you knowledge; expanding vertically gains you wisdom.”

Knowledge is a collection of facts and figures and logic is the assembling agent for them. Wisdom comes from somewhere other than reasoning and guides you as to what to do with your personal collection of data.

When you walk horizontally from birth to death, you will collect your share of information and you will become more knowledgeable. Some people wear their knowledge as a badge of honor and will regale you with their storehouse of information. I’ve heard it said that “Knowledge is power.” The evidence does not bear out that old axiom. A more accurate adage would be “Wisdom is power.”

How many people have more knowledge than you could ever hope to amass and do nothing with it? They lack wisdom. It doesn’t take education to be wise. Sometimes it takes experience to produce wisdom, and sometimes wisdom just shows up for an unannounced, inspirational visit.

I have no quarrel with education. I think life should be a constant class of continuing education. Just recognize that knowledge alone is like one hand clapping or one Smothers Brother.

The well of wisdom sits in everyone’s back yard. You just have to drink from it from time to time gain the heights and depths this deep knowing can deliver.

A day without quiet contemplation is a day without wisdom. Make the time for yourself everyday and take a mini vacation from the world of facts and figures and notice how your moments become infused with wisdom.

Find a spiritual practice that works for you. There are so many that take you to the same place – peacefulness, solitude, oneness. Make today the starting point for a daily dip into the depths of discovery and start drinking from your well of wisdom.

All the best,

John