I think it’s a pretty save bet to say that we all want to be liked. I know I do.

When likability goes out the window for me is when I’m teaching. Then, it’s not so important that you like me, but that you can learn from me, and vice-versa.

I’ve learned quite a bit from people I don’t like. it took me a while to get to that point, until I realized that what they had to offer was more valuable to me than my resistance to them.

Years ago when I was in broadcasting, I worked for a radio programmer that I loathed. He was a bully, a slob, a know-it-all, and a kook all rolled into one, unattractive package. I hated going to work every day knowing that I would have to encounter him. I’m embarrassed to admit that I would sometimes purposely, physically bump into him in the hallway hoping that he would react so that I would have an excuse to pummel him. Luckily for me that never happened.

In spite of abhorring his existence, I learned quite a few useful things from him that served me well throughout my career. If this were a Hallmark movie script that I wrote, we would find this character on the junk heap of life. But in reality, he’s gone on to be one of the biggest suppliers of digital audio equipment to radio stations. He was a genius that I hated, but learned from.

I readily admit that it’s easier to learn from someone you like. Just think of your favorite high school teacher.

It’s harder to learn from someone you don’t like until you can separate the message from the messenger. Then, learning is the mission, not the distraction of dislike.

Everyone has something to teach you; you just may have to set aside your prejudice for a moment or two for their message to get through.

All the best,

John

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It seems we as a society are caught in a dichotomy between “Should Be” and “Can Be.”

One side is passionately behind “should” and the other side has just as much ardor for “can.”

I don’t think I’m going out on a limb here by saying that older folks are mostly in the should camp and the younger group favors can.

It seems idealism is a hallmark of youth and certainty is the gold standard for the older generation.

Like all dichotomies, they have to reach a blending point in order to dissolve divisiveness and restore harmony between the factions.

I think the middle ground is realism.

“Should Be” leans towards the way it was and “Can Be” has its eyes on the future.

Both are ignoring what’s happening now.

You can’t get to your desired destination if you don’t know where you currently are. As the old comedic line reminds us: “You can’t get there from here.”

We get so caught up in “should” and “can” that we ignore “is.” “Is” is the only jump-off point. Look at what is really happening now in its raw form without adding meaning to it.

My friend Jerry Stocking introduced me to grounded assessments. They are statements that 12 jurors can agree on. For example, if you witness a car hitting a tree and you say, “The careless driver ignored the rules of the road and slammed into the beautiful tree,” you have made an “ungrounded” assessment. Notice how much conjecture is in that short statement. There is no conjecture by saying, “The car hit the tree.” 12 jurors could agree with that assessment.

Adjectives and adverbs add meaning, and meaning distorts what’s agreeable.

If you state “what is” without meaning, you’re as close to the truth as you’re going to get, and farther away from an argument.

If you label what you say as your opinion rather than stating it as a fact, you’re getting warm. If you insist your opinion is fact, you’re going to be left on the cold fringe of a dichotomy, and don’t be too surprised when people start avoiding you in droves.

We “can be” more agreeable (the way it “should be”) if we ground our assessments in reality.

All the best,

John

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Here is the recorded version of the Grasshopper Note for the week of 8-17-20.

Read the written version here.

Make sure to download a FREE copy of my ebook: INTER RUPTION: The Magic Key To Lasting Change here.

What did David use to slay Goliath? Anyone who’s read the story answers, “rock.”

Goliath can be a metaphor for fear. After all, isn’t fear the biggest, baddest emotion on the planet?

Fear incapacitates everything, including the one thing that can take away it’s power: common sense.

David had to step back from his fear and find an equalizer to defeat the giant. That’s when he found his rock: common sense.

I think our common sense is in need of smelling salts. Fear has put it on the canvas. The way to resuscitate it is to jar our senses with the one potion that will bring it around: Recognition. Recognize you possess the power to respond to fear with common sense.

Common sense is the great equalizer. Fear has driven it into hiding, and relentlessly continues its intimidation, knowing that if you come to your senses, he a goner.

Common sense is not so much logic as it is a gut reaction. If you know in your bones that something’s not right, it’s not only your right, but also your duty to sling a rock at it. If you don’t, you’ll live in the shadow of fear and be kept in the dark about the things fear doesn’t want you to discover.

Common sense is in short supply in our world today and fear is winning the day. The way to turn the tide is to recognize that your common sense can tan its hide.

All the best,

John

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Make sure to download a FREE copy of my ebook: INTER RUPTION: The Magic Key To Lasting Change here.

When someone passes on, someone else formally says some nice things about them. That’s often a moving tribute, although sad.

But it’s not the saddest eulogy. That one can be stated in five words: “He/She never outgrew their conditioning.”

We are born without conditioning. We arrive as a pure package – a “bundle of joy,” if you will. But, before too long, we were exposed to the preferences, prejudices, and points of view of our early caregivers. We unknowingly sucked them up like a sponge.

There are plenty of wonderful things we were conditioned into, but they are often outweighed by the sheer number of angles of view we absorbed that will never be true, even though we believe them through and through.

These positions get reinforced throughout our life as we bond with like-minded people, never realizing that we got most of what we believe by osmosis, or, as I like to say, “by accident.”

Have you ever held a long standing belief up to the light? What you may discover are all the stains of past conditioning. Most stained beliefs cannot be validated other than by you asserting that you believe them. They are devoid of facts but loaded with emotion.

Having done a radio talk show years ago, I was exposed daily to people vociferously and angrily arguing their beliefs without any facts to back them up. The best they could do is bring up something anecdotal they believed proved their point.

For example, if I stated a statistical fact like, “Our football team has the oldest starting lineup in the league,” someone would argue the point by saying, “We just signed a young running back.” To them, that countered the statistics I presented.

Have you been labeled oppositional a time or two, or more? Chances are, you are holding onto beliefs that you deliver with volume, but only they arrive as discordant noise.

Reconditioning or outgrowing your conditioning begins with self-examination. Take a look at your beliefs, warts and all, and decide if they’re still working for you. If so, hold on to them. But if you find that they’re getting in your way, it’s time to send them packing.

I doubt any of us will be able to get back to the pure state of when we first arrived, but we can drop some of the burdensome baggage while we’re still alive.

All the best,

John

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Make sure to download a FREE copy of my ebook: INTER RUPTION: The Magic Key To Lasting Change here.

The Grasshopper offered this oblique observation this morning: “Young isn’t stupid and old isn’t wise.”

After reflecting on the words, here’s what registered with me: It seems that we have too many stereotypes in our kit and caboodle. And when we employ them, we shut off our ability to learn something new.

Prejudice feeds on stereotypes.

When we get away from the macro and get down to the micro, we witness the cliche´ fade away.

We, too often, forget that we all want the same things: acknowledgement, love, peace, and kindness to name but a few. The “other” is really us in a different suit of clothes. They may look, act, and sound different, but upon closer inspection, we have more in common than we have differences.

The Bible passage, “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself” says so much in so few words. To me, it also suggests forgiveness. To love yourself, you have to forgive yourself, same goes for your neighbor.

When sorting things, it’s helpful to put them in a specific box. When assessing another, it’s downright neighborly to think outside the box, because that’s where you’re going to find common ground.

We’re always going to have differences with one another. The real question is: What can we learn from those differences? Look closely enough and you’ll find the commonality that makes a difference: That we’re all rowing in the same boat.

All the best,

John

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Who hasn’t had a creative idea come to mind? We’re all cauldrons of creativity but most times our inspiration lacks perspiration and our novel ideas dry up.

“Doing” is the least used verb in the vocabulary of a dreamer. That’s someone with both feet in the clouds, with not a leg to stand on when it comes to following through to make a dream come true.

We all have the ability to talk a good game. The people that get past the talk do what the rest refuse to do: DO!

Doing is the energy behind creation. It turns “Aha” into “Voila.”

Doing is a like a muscle. You need to use it or it atrophies.

Creativity will continue to come but if the ingredient to make it happen remains flabby and stationary, you’ve resigned yourself to burying your dreams.

The remedy is to do a little each day. Take on the foothills before you even think about scaling the mountain. Doing feeds on itself. It’s like saving money. It doesn’t seem like a lot when you begin, but regular, small contributions add up.

To sum up: Doing will energize your dreams and add the necessary action to your inspirational plans and schemes.

All the best,

John

Listen to the recorded version.

Make sure to download a FREE copy of my ebook: INTER RUPTION: The Magic Key To Lasting Change here.

Here is the recorded version of the Grasshopper Note for the week of 8-10-20.

Read the written version here.

Make sure to download a FREE copy of my ebook: INTER RUPTION: The Magic Key To Lasting Change here.

When I was out for my morning walk yesterday, I saw a woman raking debris in her yard after the heavy wind storm we had. She said, “Hi” as I passed by, and I returned the greeting. She then said, “It never ends.”

Even though it was a casual comment from a person I didn’t know about the problems the recent weather caused, it was also a plea for respite.

“It never ends” is a revealing statement from someone who is feeling weighed down by the world.

Her statement was an accurate one, but it’s not about the weather or the pandemic; it’s really about reality. The “It” is reality, and it never ends. Reality is ongoing and it happens every second of every day.

This woman is not the only one feeling overwhelmed these days. It’s a mental pandemic affecting countless people. You can witness their angst talking to friends on the phone or Facetiming, Skyping, Zooming, or however you connect with others.

Here’s the overarching problem: These folks are tired of reality and don’t know how to remedy their feelings about it.

Wishing reality will end won’t do it. The remedy is learning to respond to reality vs. reacting to it. Reacting is our conditioning. It’s what we were mentally trained to do. Responding is looking at what is currently presented and giving yourself a choice. There is no choice in a reaction. “A” always causes “B.”

But what if you went further into the alphabet for a response other than “B”? If you do, you’ll find there are infinite ways to respond that go well past “Z.” When you offer a different response other than your normal one, you tap into a different area of your brain, and solutions you would have never thought of make an entrance.

If you want to stay feeling overwhelmed, keep reacting. But if you want more perspectives and different feelings, you need to exercise your ability to respond. We all have that ability but we rarely use it.

Start responding and offering yourself a choice and you’ll take away “it never end’s” antagonizing voice.

All the best,

John

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Do you know someone who knows ten times more than you know about a subject but can’t fight their way out of a paper bag when it comes to translating their knowledge into action?

I refer to that as “Caught up in the teachings.” It happens in every field: academia, therapy, religion, and sports just to name a few.

There’s a professional golfer named Jim Furyk who has one of the ugliest swings on tour. Almost every golf coach wanted to change him because he didn’t have the “proper” mechanics. But it certainly hasn’t kept Jim from winning tournaments and amassing tens of millions of dollars in winnings in his ongoing 28 year career.

Those coaches were trapped by their knowledge which was in hard cement. The rigidity of someone caught up in a philosophy is limiting.

I’m reminded of a Grasshopper quote from years ago: “The more rules you have, the less flexible you are.”

The less flexible you are, the fewer option you’ll perceive.

I like to quote one of my teachers Dr. Dave Dobson from moons ago. When someone asked him if he could help them with a problematic situation he would answer with, “I don’t know what’s not possible.”

We limit our possibilities when we’re bound by the book. It’s helpful to know what’s in the book, but sometimes you have to go off script to get results.

I’m reminded of another quote from another one of my teachers: NLP pioneer John Grinder. He said, “If you alway do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got.” If you’re not getting results, you may want to examine your philosophy and your beliefs so you can bypass doctrine and get into doing.

I think any good teacher would like you to add to their teachings, not be hampered by them.

Sometimes you have to just walk past the talk so you don’t get caught up in your own words.

All the best,

John

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Make sure to download a FREE copy of my ebook: INTER RUPTION: The Magic Key To Lasting Change here.