It seems we as a society are caught in a dichotomy between “Should Be” and “Can Be.”

One side is passionately behind “should” and the other side has just as much ardor for “can.”

I don’t think I’m going out on a limb here by saying that older folks are mostly in the should camp and the younger group favors can.

It seems idealism is a hallmark of youth and certainty is the gold standard for the older generation.

Like all dichotomies, they have to reach a blending point in order to dissolve divisiveness and restore harmony between the factions.

I think the middle ground is realism.

“Should Be” leans towards the way it was and “Can Be” has its eyes on the future.

Both are ignoring what’s happening now.

You can’t get to your desired destination if you don’t know where you currently are. As the old comedic line reminds us: “You can’t get there from here.”

We get so caught up in “should” and “can” that we ignore “is.” “Is” is the only jump-off point. Look at what is really happening now in its raw form without adding meaning to it.

My friend Jerry Stocking introduced me to grounded assessments. They are statements that 12 jurors can agree on. For example, if you witness a car hitting a tree and you say, “The careless driver ignored the rules of the road and slammed into the beautiful tree,” you have made an “ungrounded” assessment. Notice how much conjecture is in that short statement. There is no conjecture by saying, “The car hit the tree.” 12 jurors could agree with that assessment.

Adjectives and adverbs add meaning, and meaning distorts what’s agreeable.

If you state “what is” without meaning, you’re as close to the truth as you’re going to get, and farther away from an argument.

If you label what you say as your opinion rather than stating it as a fact, you’re getting warm. If you insist your opinion is fact, you’re going to be left on the cold fringe of a dichotomy, and don’t be too surprised when people start avoiding you in droves.

We “can be” more agreeable (the way it “should be”) if we ground our assessments in reality.

All the best,

John

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