Did you ever notice people have different working styles?

It occurred to me that working and dancing are alike. They both have a conclusion but that’s not their real purpose.

The purpose of a dance is to dance and not get to the end of the song – unless, of course, you don’t particularly like whom you’re dancing with.

Your working style has to bring you some amount of joy otherwise your method for reaching your objective is devoid of juice and will keep you drained.

This is more than the ever present suggestion to “Enjoy your work.” This is more about noticing your working style and where your focus lies.

If your working style’s sole purpose is in getting the job done, you miss the richness and aliveness of each stepping stone on your path to completion. You’ve only got the goal in focus. Yes, you may get the job done but you cheat yourself out of rewarding moments that make up the whole.

In the past, my working style was always geared towards getting the job done. That left me little time to appreciate the process. I would look at others who weren’t as focused on results as I was and deem them to be lazy or incompetent. They were neither.

They were taking time to enjoy the ride. Work was not a place where they left their personality home. We’ve all heard the comment, “You should see her outside the office; she’s a totally different person.”

It would be beneficial for all to get to see that person at work. Our working style often gets in the way of missing the moment while solely focused on not missing the deadline. This robs us of countless joy.

A dance has more than a beginning and an end. The middle part is where we spend most of our time. If we’re not focused there, we miss synching with the rhythm of life.

The old saying that more business gets done on the golf course than in the boardroom applies here. That simply means to bring a more relaxed approach to what you do and two things will happen:

1. You’ll get more accomplished.
2. You’ll get to eat the middle of the Oreo Cookie first.

Take a moment to look at your working style. You may find that it’s standing in the way of you achieving so much more by keeping you off the dance floor.

All the best,

John

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Please fill in the blank. The most important thing in my life is ______________.

There is no right answer so don’t spend too much time coming up with one.

Now there is something I’d like you to notice. If you are like most people, the thing that’s deemed most important to you doesn’t get most of your attention. In fact, it probably doesn’t even make your Top 10.

How did it get to be this way? I’m not certain, but I have a guess.

Taking things for granted immediately pops to mind. How often do we take as a given something that’s so important to us? The more we assume this position of entitlement, the quicker what we think we’re entitled to erodes.

Notice how quickly people will focus on something essential that was taken for granted, once lost. Health comes to mind.

Most people have health near the top of their important list, but neglect it. The pain they will go through to attempt to recapture what they took for granted is a universal occurrence. We’ve all heard the old axiom “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” but we regularly ignore its wisdom.

We generate all sorts of effort after the fact, where it has the least effect. I’m just wondering if we can STOP, just for a moment, and put what’s important to us in proper perspective.

The bald truth is, we are entitled to nothing, and nothing is what we wind up with when our focus remains on the unimportant.

Again, let me ask the question: “What’s the most important thing in your life?” Now that you have an answer, you’re out of excuses for ignoring it.

“Pay me now or pay me later” is another expression we’ve all heard, but we’ve never really considered the price tag until it’s too late.

I haven’t a clue what’s important to you, but this much I know from personal experience – you’ve probably got it on your “B” list.

Get in the habit of taking a brief moment out of your day to consider what’s most important to you. This regular focusing of attention will automatically cause a shift in priorities and bring “most important” back to the top of your list.

All the best,

John

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As we head into Labor Day Weekend, the unofficial end of summer, I offer you a quote from The Grasshopper. It came during an early walk of Snuffy the black nosed beagle. He said,

“May The Fruits Of Your Labor Be Edible.”

I’ll be digesting it over the weekend.

Be easy on yourself.

Happy Labor Day!

John

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The way to a man’s heart is through his . . .

If you responded, “through his thoracic cavity,” perhaps you’re a surgeon. If you said, “stomach,” you’re probably old fashioned. Your strategy is based on your angle of approach.

When looking at something through our own eyes, we only get one perspective. Most often we label it “right.” Watch Tiger Woods on the putting green. When he has a putt of any length, he looks at it from lots of angles before he commits to his strategy. He’s “right” more often than most golfers because he considers different perspectives.

We often insulate ourselves by not looking at our position from multiple perspectives. What’s the old yard sale expression? – “One person’s trash is another person’s treasure.”

A position that we’ve trashed in the past may be just the angle that will garner us treasure in this particular instance.

To take full advantage of your options, it’s helpful to imagine that you live on a circle that has 360 positions. If you continue to stay glued to your position, you’re ignoring 359 other ways of looking at your situation.

I know this seems silly and it works. Stand on an arc of an imaginary circle that you deem is the “right” angle. Next, physically move yourself to the opposite side of the circle and just notice the feelings in your body from this different perspective. If you pay careful attention, you will notice different feelings. Keep moving yourself to different points on the circle and simply notice and calibrate the corresponding feelings in your body.

There may be a better angle but you’re not going to find it by assessing it in your head. You’ve got to move there to feel it. We make all decisions with our feelings first and then we rationalize them in our head. I’m suggesting we mirror that natural approach to decision making by exploring our feelings.

If we don’t explore how something feels, we cheat ourselves out of our best barometer. Fully exploring your feelings about something means you have to move off your standard angle of view and calibrate. Seeing something from a different angle and noticing the different feelings, engenders empathy and insight.

You begin to appreciate your feeling sense more and you begin making better decisions.

I wonder, what’s the percentage of men who have actually ridden in the back seat of their own car? Sometimes it’s helpful to get the feel of something from a different perspective. It may just keep you from driving to the same dead end again.

All the best,

John

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Watching the funeral Mass of Senator
Ted Kennedy this past weekend and hearing the various eulogies, I was struck with a novel idea – Living eulogies.

It seems odd to me that we share our most vivid and heartfelt memories with a corpse. I have this silly notion that a person would enjoy hearing your eulogy while they are alive. And it’s my further sense that delivering it would make you feel wonderful too.

So how come we don’t do it? Fear? Embarrassment? (fill in your excuse here).

What moving thing can you say now that you are saving until someone dies?

Notice that eulogies are filled not only with glowing memories, but also with unvarnished truth. Nothing is held back as you express caring and cathartic words and feelings.

A living eulogy can be delivered at any age. Think of it as a new birthday tradition. Reminds me of two stories I told my son and grandson last night at dinner . . .

When I attended grade school, we were graded by numbers rather than letters. Instead of an “A+” being the highest score, we were given a 95. An “A” was a 90, a “B+” was an 85, a “B” equaled 80. You get the idea. You were awarded first honors in our school if you received all 90s and 95s on your report card. It was indicated by a little commemorative card attached to the report card – quite the get! When I was fortunate enough to bring home first honors, with mostly 90s and an occasional 95, my father’s reaction was not one of praise. He would ask me, “How did Joe Mayberry do?” Joe was the smartest kid in our class. He had all 95s.

The second story came later in my teens when I worked summers for my father in construction. He took a vacation week during the last summer I worked for him. In my father’s absence, the bricklayers invited me to eat lunch with them in the shanty (a small trailer that housed the plans and drawings and served as my father’s office). Each day of his vacation, one of the guys would tell me this wonderful story they heard about me from my father. I could have caught an entire swarm of seven year locusts with how wide my mouth was open. “My father said that?”

It’s not that we don’t have these feelings, we too often don’t express them to the person. I believe we do a disservice to ourselves and others when we engage in this practice.

There seems to be plenty of room for admonishment in life and precious little room for praise. I’m not recommending that you turn over a new leaf if this applies to you. I’m only suggesting that you get a little religion. Find something minor to praise in someone you care about and let them know it. It opens up a new line of communication with them and is the ultimate Win-Win – you both feel good.

A Living Eulogy: A great way to “Rest in Peace” while we’re all still living.

All the best,

John

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I don’t know about you but life seems to get most complicated for me when I discover I’m not living the moment I’m in.

Any method of escape will do – mental flights to the past and future seem to fill the time. The problem is that when we do that as a regular practice, we put our lives on pause, causing us to stagnate.

The fix, like in the game of golf, is simple but not easy. “Keep your head down” is simple instruction to understand but not easy to consistently put into play. Ask any weekend golfer.

“Live the life you have in the moment you’re in” is the simple instruction. Committing to the practice is the only way to un-pause your life and get to a different future.

Practice begins with noticing. Start noticing the moment you’re in. It can begin with a simple practice. For example, I’m having my morning cup of tea. I could just reach over and take a quick swallow and then return to the keyboard. That’s what I usually do. But a moment ago, I reached for the cup, held it with both hands, felt the warmth of the tea and then took a swallow and noticed the warmth in my mouth and the warm feeling it delivered in my body as I swallowed.

It was a wonderful way to appreciate the moment rather than take it for granted.

That’s an example of living in the moment you are in.

Where it gets tricky is embracing the unwanted moment. It’s also a necessary step. We have an aversion feeling the feelings an undesired moment delivers. That’s when we take our flights of fancy to the past and future. This may seem like it’s in our best interest, but its only elongates the time the undesired moment hangs around.

Dr. Dave Dobson used a beach ball analogy. He would get you to notice how much time and effort went in to holding a beach ball under water. The answer to this waste of energy is to let the ball surface and focus on it.

Focusing on the moment you are in is the quickest way to take your life off pause. It’s also the only pathway to a different future. The surefire way to keep the future the same as the past is to not embrace the present.

Warm tea or deep do-do needs the same attention. The practice is to accept the moment. Once you accept what’s right in front of you, you activate a strategy for dealing with the moment. If you escape to the past or future, you miss the options the current moment presents.

When you savor desired moments, you remember to do it again and continually reap the rewards. When you focus on an undesired moment, you come up with a real exit strategy rather than holding the moment in place by going on a mental escape.

Practice being in the moment you’re in and notice how many more options show up.

All the best,

John

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I just read on a friend’s Facebook page that he’s been to 38 states. I’ve been to 43 but when it comes to common ground, you can find it even if you’ve never left home.

The opportunity to visit all of these places enriches your sense of culture and geography, but the real gift is recognizing the common thread that runs through all people.

That thread is life.

Life animates all of us in different ways, yet it is the common ground we all share. Just like tomatoes and zucchini coming from the same garden, we share the same nutrient rich environment with others that sustains us and causes us to grow.

What causes one plant to wither while another one grows? Somehow it got blocked from its life force.

There are common traits I see with people in all the places I’ve visited. Those that come alive and thrive have their roots firmly planted in life’s common soil. Those that struggle and wilt have choked off their life force by not recognizing how essential it is.

They have a plan of their own – one that doesn’t need anything but their own resources. Their lives are defined by circumstance and they spend their whole life attempting to corral reality into their tiny corner of the earth.

They forget where they came from and how they got this far. They came from the same source you and I did, but they block that life force when they attempt to create one of their own.

I can’t think of anything with longer odds that setting up a plan that competes with God. Yet that’s the bet we lose every time when we ignore our common ground.

Even some people who are very religious don’t believe in God. They have our common ground confused with some physical deity that religious conditioning has us conjure up. That’s a hard one to swallow for many.

What’s easier to accept is that there is one source of everything – a common ground. It’s what makes the grass green in all 50 states. Once you own that recognition, it’s a lot easier to see that your plan may not be cooperating with the flow of life.

If your garden refuses to blossom, maybe it’s time you invested in common ground.

It only takes two steps to get connected.

1. Assume that it’s there.
2. Give up the illusion of control.

Take these two steps today and witness more fruition come your way.

All the best,

John

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I wonder what allows us to easily see the most advantageous routes around roadblocks that others bump into. I wonder even more about our blind spot to these routes when we hit our own personal roadblocks.

Yesterday, I was talking with a young woman on the phone and she began offering me some personal information about her pending life choices. She was genuinely bewildered by them. I asked her what she wanted and she outlined 3 things. I listened very carefully to her answers, not so much to the words, but the “juice” behind them.

She was stuck behind a roadblock and couldn’t decide which route to take. I’m curious if you ever noticed that “Stuck” and “Suck” are interchangeable.

I really didn’t need to hear her choices spelled out, only the energy behind them. When I listened to her first choice, which was the one she was giving the most credence to, it was logically plausible but devoid of oomph. Her second had a bit more vigor behind it. Her third choice had enough power to light a big city. Reminds me of a story . . .

Many years ago I was interviewing for a broadcasting job in radio. I was sitting with the program director in his office when an intern popped in unannounced. The program director said he was in the middle of a meeting and the intern apologized and said he just wanted him to listen to a commercial he had recorded. The program director looked my way and I said it was OK with me.

He put the commercial in a tape player and we listened to a 30 second commercial for Schmidt’s Beer. The intern was looking for feedback on how well he did. The program director then said something profound. “You said all the words right, but I wonder how much better it would sound if you gave a bit more emphasis to the words ‘Cold and Frosty’ when describing enjoying that beer.”

It was eye opening for the intern and for me as well.

The juice you communicate transfers into what you do and can’t help but rub off on the people exposed to your energy.

So when you get held up by some “scratch your head” choices, notice the juice that is attached to each one. You can do this with any one, or all, of your three major senses – sight, hearing and feeling.

Visually, you can draw or cut out a representative picture of each choice and notice which one appeals to you most.

Auditorily, you could record your choices and listen back for the passion.

Kinesthetically, you could notice how receptive your body feels when considering each of these choices.

The lesson is not to get caught up too much in the logic. Logic generally leads you down a path where many choices are automatically considered not possible. When you bypass logic and go with the juice, it’s a much more passion filled existence.

This is not a guarantee that you’ll get what you’re aiming for, it just makes the odds more possible and the ride more fun.

So here’s a recommendation to get around roadblocks: Start each day with some freshly squeezed juice.

All the best,

John

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Can you entertain, for a moment, the idea of a parallel universe? It’s one where another you exists but with a different set of circumstances. Both lives are going on simultaneously.

It’s an interesting notion that an old book called “Seth Speaks” explores and it engages your curiosity.

My sense is we all live in two places at once – Reality and Illusion.

Reality is easier to describe and only has one rule. Illusion is impossible to explain and the rules change with each circumstance.

The one rule of reality is this: What is, is. It’s a solid foundation on which to build.

The rules for illusion, a parallel universe to reality, get made up on the fly and are as supportive as wet cardboard.

We attempt to insulate ourselves from reality by living in illusion. It never works!

Reality is like an ocean wave. It’s going to happen no matter what. Illusion is pretending that a calm day by the ocean will forever be the norm. When we buy into that, we invest in sandcastles and call it “real” estate. That’s illusion.

How often do we make excuses for our behavior? That’s illusion masquerading as reality. Your behavior is pure reality. It can be measured and quantified. The explanation lives in a parallel universe.

I’m reminded of the exercise Werner Erhard would use at his est trainings. He would ask a person in front of the group to pick a flavor of ice cream – either chocolate or vanilla. When they picked, let’s say vanilla, he would ask them why they picked vanilla. They would then give a reason – an explanation. He would tell them that was the wrong answer and ask the question again. They would come up with another reason and he would again tell them it was the wrong answer. This question and answer routine went on and on until he finally asked, “Would you like to know the real reason?”

The exasperated person would say “Yes.” Erhard then said, “The reason you picked vanilla is because you picked vanilla.”

Notice that there is one behavior, picking ice cream, and a thousand explanations.

If you find that you’re constantly explaining yourself, you live in a parallel universe called illusion where behavior is explained away.

It’s time to get a piece of the rock – reality.

Reality doesn’t change because we come up with an explanation for it. It remains in place. No explanation will make it go away. That’s an illusion.

What behavior (reality) are you explaining away? It’s time to deal with the real thing, not the explanation. It’s the only way to escape from that parallel universe.

I’m fond of saying that mirrors don’t lie. You can’t explain away the reality you see in the mirror. So ask the following when standing before a mirror:

Mirror, mirror on the wall
What’s the grandest illusion of them all?

The answer is always the same – explaining away reality.

All the best,

John

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Are you positive or negative?

It doesn’t matter – both work.

I’m not referring to the half empty or half full mental concept of positive or negative. This is more about the energy you use to accomplish things – more like yin and yang.

Yin has been described as feminine energy and yang as masculine. We have both and use both.

Instead of arguing about which energy is superior, it’s better to notice the combination we use, and find out if it’s working to our best advantage.

There is no best side of a battery terminal. There is positive and negative, and one doesn’t work without the other. The same can be said of yin and yang energy.

Just like certain projects call for certain tools, certain situations are best served by certain energy. You are best served to have the flexibility to craft the energy combination that works best in those circumstances.

When we get stuck in one energy pattern, we stay stuck. That means we become inflexible and snap easily.

The trick is to notice our conditioned pattern isn’t working, and then summon the combination that gives us the best charge for the moment.

Now don’t get caught up in the “that’s not me” argument. That’s the argument that keeps you stuck. It’s better to notice you are all the combinations of yin and yang, not just the one you have been conditioned to prefer.

A great question to begin asking yourself is, “I wonder what energy would work best in this situation?” Don’t think your way to an answer. Just ask the question and let the energy that shows up answer it.

I realize that the first few times you attempt this practice, it will feel like working without a net. The giant upside is that you will begin to trust yourself to bring the appropriate energy to any situation.

Let your energy answer your question – not your intellect.

Letting your intellect answer is like letting the guy at the hardware store pick the color to paint your bathroom. You have a master designer at your disposal; all you have to do is summon them with a question.

Practice letting your energy answer your questions, and find that you’ll need far fewer jumpstarts in life.

All the best,

John

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