I was awakened in the middle of the night by Snuffy the Black Nosed Beagle who wanted to go out and take care of business.

I groggily walked to the door and as I let him out, I looked up and saw the brightest star filled sky. The first thing that caught my eye was the Little Dipper.

After admiring its sheer beauty for a moment, it dawned on me that this was the exact same little dipper I was first introduced to as a little shaver.

My next thought was, “It’s been there before I was thought of and it will be here after I’m gone.” It’s timeless.

It got me to thinking about something truly timeless – Our animating spirit. Not only does it animate me, it’s the same energy that animated my ancestors and it’s the same energy that will animate my heirs.

Even more amazing is that it’s the energy that infuses everything. We all have something in common, no matter how many ways we attempt to prove we don’t.

We’re all driven by the same kind of fuel; we just all call it a different name. Even more interestingly, we fight over the name in the name of religion, race, national origin and a whole host of other names.

Once you label something, it loses its full essence. When we attempt to corral it into a concept, we exclude all that can’t fit within the confines of a narrow idea. Then we find people who agree with our idea and go to war with others who have a different labeling system.

It just all seems pretty silly when you’re taking in all you can drink from the Little Dipper.

All the best,

John

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As we head into the weekend, I’d like to offer you a measuring stick that will yield more precise results.

It’s an easy measurement to take. Just compare your beliefs to your results.

What you believe is irrelevant if it doesn’t deliver results. I’ve mentioned it before, and it bears repeating now, if your religion isn’t working for you, it’s time to find a new religion.

Religion, in this context, is anything you fervently believe in that just isn’t delivering results.

Because you believe in something doesn’t make it true. It just means you believe it. I’d like to change the word “true” to “useful” in the last sentence, that way we won’t argue about unsubstantiated truth. So the real question is: “Are my beliefs useful?”

Seems we rarely examine our beliefs; we just throw them out there as though they are true. They may be true to you but the question remains: “Are they useful?”

The interesting thing about beliefs is that we inherited many of them. They really belonged to someone else but became ours through social, cultural and parental conditioning. That means that oftentimes we are arguing for someone else’s limitations. It’s hard enough arguing for our own.

So it’s an easy drill. Stop and notice your beliefs when they turn up; then make an assessment if they’re getting you results.

If you need a question to ponder this weekend, may I recommend this one: “How useful are my beliefs?”

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper visits at the oddest times. I was retiring for the evening and reading a book about photography when I heard him say this:

“You cannot not accept reality.”

It then became clear to me that the choice of acceptance is an illusion.

There is no choice. We made it up.

Reality is always accepted because there is no other real option. If you say you don’t accept something that has happened, think for a moment how crazy that is.

Acceptance is synonymous with reality. Reality doesn’t have an opposite, and neither does acceptance.

When you say you cannot accept something, you are playing a head game that has nothing to do with reality.

“I cannot accept that my daughter has married a _________.” (Fill in with your favorite prejudice)

The reality is your daughter married that person. There is nothing to accept. It happened no matter what your head tells you is “unacceptable.”

When you believe there is a choice about not accepting reality, you have fallen into a very dark hole – one that’s difficult to accept.

Don’t accept what I tell you on faith. Investigate it in your own life. What reality are you resisting? That’s called, “non-acceptance.” You are resisting that which reality has already accepted. Sorry, you weren’t consulted because you have no say whatsoever – other than to play the head game that you have a choice.

When you say you cannot accept something that has happened, you are denying reality and living an illusion.

You certainly have the choice not to like something that has happened, but that has nothing to do with acceptance. I don’t like that there are evil people in the world, but I accept it because it’s a reality.

“Unacceptable” is a report on what you don’t like, but it never has anything to do with true acceptance which is recognizing reality.

All the best,

John

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I have an expression that I have used for years. It’s “You can be on my island.”

It’s my version of “You can pack my parachute.”

Imagine that you’ve been shipwrecked and you and a group of people have washed up onto an uninhabited island. (Think Tom Hanks in “Cast Away.“)

What kind of people do you want on that island with you? Put the romantic/sexual fantasies aside for a moment and consider who you would really want there in order to survive and thrive.

Would you want a malingerer in the group? A prima donna? A complainer? A “Can’t be done-er”? My guess is they wouldn’t make the cut if you had anything to say about who would be on your island.

I bring this up for two reasons:

1. To acknowledge those who make your life more pleasurable.
2. To get curious about the people you surround yourself with.

Is there someone who goes unsung that you would deeply miss if they rowed off your island? Let them know before they go. And if they do exit your life, for whatever reason, let them know how much you appreciated them when you were together.

Alternately, is there someone draining the life force out of you and kicking up too much sand for your comfort? Build them a rowboat.

If you have a choice, and you do, wonder about those who get too much of your attention with too little return on investment. Reminds me of a story . . .

Many years ago I was attending a management workshop and the group leader asked this question: “Who do you spend more time with, the people who are winning for you or losing for you?” Sadly, most people answered, “Losing for you.”

He then went on to tell a story about the football coach, Jimmy Johnson. He cited Jimmy’s winning record in college and his two Super Bowl victories with the Dallas Cowboys. He then told us what Jimmy answered when someone asked him this question: “Coach, you have such a great winning percentage wherever you go and your players always seem to be on the same page. Is there some secret formula you use to make that happen?” Jimmy Johnson answered, “Yes, I shoot the losers.”

My friend, Ned Kraft is working on a book called “The Friendship Myth” and in one of the chapters he encourages you to “Fire your friends” – the ones who take too much of your effort.

Luau or Lunch Pail? You decide. It’s your island.

All the best,

John

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What makes one person consistently better than another person when performing a certain skill?

There are so many answers to that question that it opens the door for discussion.

Here’s my two cents worth (please adjust for inflation).

Let me begin with a story . . .

Christmas Eve day I got my annual visit from a man whose mother makes the most delicious Christmas cookies. I met him when he was 11 years old when his father brought him by a radio station I worked for and asked if he could get his son a tour. I agreed.

This young fellow was older than his years and had an appetite for radio and wanted to learn all he could. I invited him to come back each week to learn some more. I gave him an old tape of a radio performer who had inspired me and told him to listen to it and said, “Aspire to be as good as this guy.”

I eventually hired this boy who has since become a celebrated radio performer in many major cities. Back to Christmas Eve . . . we had our annual chat and caught up on what each other was up to and wished each other a “Merry Christmas.”

After he left, I got an email alerting me that the fellow who was on the tape I gave him many years ago had just died. How serendipitous . . . the man who sparked both our radio fires had died on the one day we get together.

This man’s name is George Michael. He became nationally famous doing his syndicated TV show called “George Michael’s Sports Machine.” Most TV sports fans knew of George Michael but few of them knew what a stellar radio performer he was in the 60s and 70s.

So back to the question . . . What makes one person consistently better than another person when performing a certain skill? All the ingredients I talk about in my FREE e-book, THE SUCCESS TRIANGLE, come to mind – Passion, Discipline, and Talent. But it was a subset of discipline that made the difference with George Michael. It was FOCUS!

As I said in a tribute to him, “He was like the great football players he talked about; he never took a play off.” George was focused. He didn’t have many of the talents that other radio performers had but he used what he did have and focused and became the best DJ I ever heard.

Focus will take you farther than your talent. I think of the old Cub Scout Manual technique for starting a fire without matches. Focus the sun through a magnifying glass on bits of paper under some tinder wood so you can ignite a roaring fire.

If you aspire to be better than you currently are, may I suggest George Michael’s secret formula – FOCUS!

All the best,

John

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As we turn the page on a new decade, I find it appropriate to turn back to an old expression whose wisdom is timeless – Turn of a phrase.

This idea came to mind when I caught myself “can’t-ing” the other day. It never dawned on me how often “can’t” turns up in conversation – especially mine.

NOTE: Lest you think this is leading to a positive thinking speech, let me assure you I wouldn’t waste your time or mine with such pep rally pap.

This is an exercise in noticing and substituting.

No, you won’t be asked to substitute “can” for “can’t;” you’ll be asked to practice turning a phrase.

Here’s the exercise in a nutshell: Notice yourself saying “can’t” when you’re saying it and then rephrase the same statement to yourself or another with the following phrase:

“I haven’t figured out how to do that yet.”

It’s a powerful way to reframe your thinking towards possibility vs. keeping it in the confines of “can’t.”

“I can’t get this software to work,” “I can’t stop smoking,” “I can’t get up and speak in front of a group” are just a sampling of the “can’ts” that we corner ourselves with.

The phrase “Yes you can” most often engages our polarity and has us become oppositional to whatever has been suggested. That’s why it’s such an ineffective strategy.

“I haven’t figured out how to _______ yet” is a statement of fact that doesn’t close the door on creativity, whereas “can’t” slams it in your face.

“Can’t” becomes a justification for failure and most often keeps us from making any future efforts.

When you turn “can’t” into “I haven’t figured out how to ______ yet,” you turn the tables on “can’t,” and the odds for finding a solution increase.

Turning a phrase is not a magic bullet but it does two things:

1. Gives you a leg up on the resignation and frustration you experience with “can’t.”
2. Gives your mind the option of finding options.

Opening your eyes to what’s possible begins with noticing how often you say “can’t.” The next step is to morph “can’t” into “I haven’t figured out how to ______ yet.”

When you notice and substitute you turn “can’t” on its ear, making 2010 a much more productive year.

All the best,

John

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Your list is bigger than Santa’s, Holy Cow

You plan to begin tomorrow

To address what brings you sorrow

But if you’re really serious, you’d begin NOW!

Happy New Year!

John

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Who hasn’t experienced sparks?

They happen when something or someone sparks an idea or a feeling.

The world owes a debt of gratitude to sparks. They not only ignite us to action; they also alert us to danger.

A spark from an informed source or a partially connected wire has something else in common – a loose connection.

If we got the whole idea, it wouldn’t be a spark; we would be completely connected.

If we see sparks flying from a partially inserted plug, there’s not a completed connection.

Look at sparks in relationships. They capture our interest at the beginning and end of one. When sparks fly at the beginning, we are not yet deeply connected; we’re just mesmerized by the sparkle which oftentimes draws us forward to make a deeper connection. If we do make a connection and the connection comes loose, the sparks fly again, but this time they may urge us to pull out.

Some people live their whole lives experiencing only sparks. It’s much like the rap against most advertising – “All sizzle and no steak,” or as they say in Texas, “All hat, no cattle.”

Living on sparks is a dangerous existence. Some folks live their whole life on the spark of tomorrow, and tomorrow never comes.

Some attempt to live on the cultural spark which has them believe that maybe it’s the next new thing or experience that will give them the connection they’re longing for.

I love sparks. I also love garlic. I can’t live on either one. Both would shock your system.

If your spark doesn’t get you to push in deeper or pull out completely, you’ve missed the purpose of sparks. They are catalysts, not lifestyles.

Perhaps you haven’t noticed that sparks and superficial also start with the same letter. They also share a common bond – loose connections.

Here’s a rule of thumb: If your interest isn’t sparked enough to go deeper, it’s time to pull out.

Investigate all the sparks that come to your attention, just don’t mistake them for anything other than what they are – loose connections. Only you can decide if they’re worth plugging all the way into.

All the best,

John

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Anyone who reads this blog knows that I’m not a big fan of New Year’s Resolutions, simply because they don’t work.

Just look at the evidence trail your own resolutions have left behind and you’ll begrudgingly agree with me.

There is, however, that one time out of a zillion that it did work. My sense is that one time had more to do with awareness than it did with your specific resolution.

There really is no power in a conscious resolution. It’s a thought in a fancy dress or formal wear.

We have many thoughts (intentions) that we never act on, so what makes the New Year thought any different? Nothing!

But what about that one time it did work?

My guess is that you became aware of your awareness. It’s a rare phenomenon that pays long-term dividends.

It’s the one New Year’s Resolution worth committing yourself to. “Dear diary, this year my goal is to become aware of my awareness.” This resolution is like a pregnant cat. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

Resolutions are conscious desires. When they remain at that level of consciousness, they are as fleeting as the wind.

Awareness is as steady as it gets and it outshines conscious thought every time. You just have to become aware that you have awareness.

Here’s the part you’re going to hate. It takes practice – regular practice.

First, let’s prove that you own awareness. Notice the sensation in your left wrist right now. Before I mentioned your left wrist it wasn’t in your awareness, but there’s a good chance it’s in there now.

The initial discovery is to notice that we have things going on outside of our conscious awareness. The next step is to purposely exercise our awareness. It’s called become aware of being aware.

It’s out of awareness that things change. Most habit patterns that we want to outgrow remain out of awareness. The closest we get to them is writing them down on a piece of paper at the New Year or on a “special” birthday. That’s not enough to effectuate long-term change.

When you begin to notice the unnoticed, while it’s happening, you are at the doorstep of change. Practice is what moves you across the threshold.

Resolution is a derivative of the word “Resolve.” When you look up synonyms for “Resolve,” you invariably find the word “Willpower” which is its boisterous, ineffective cousin. Reminds me of an expression I heard during my military days . . . “He’s got an alligator mouth with a hummingbird ass.”

Awareness is the 800 pound gorilla.

Practice becoming aware of what’s not currently in your awareness. That means to go on a search past the surface. This gets you past reason. Most people when they find a reason for their behavior, stop searching because they feel they have struck gold. Reason will keep most people in the land of justification which just adds credence to the undesired behavior. Justified behavior hangs around.

Awareness of the behavior, while it’s happening, is becoming aware of your awareness. Awareness doesn’t contain justification or reason. It’s a pure entity that only contains itself – awareness.

Make awareness your goal, not the specific conscious resolution you have written down. Awareness is the catalyst of all change.

Here’s a New Year’s Resolution worth making: Reduce all your resolutions down to a simple, daily prayer: “Make me aware.”

All the best,

John

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Here is my Annual Christmas Greeting

ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

That’s right, No “L”

May the joy of the holiday season be
with you everyday of your life.

Merry Christmas!

John