I got an interesting piece of wisdom from The Grasshopper this morning. He said, “Politics gets in the way of getting things done.”

I have to admit that in the last 3 years I have become more politically savvy than I’ve ever been. Call me a late bloomer.

What I’ve noticed is that there is a political game going on 24/7 that runs on a parallel track to governing. Maybe that’s not news to you, but it was for me.

The business of politics is to stay in politics, and if some governing gets done along the way, it’s a happy accident.

I think there is a change coming to politics as we know it. It’s the same dynamic we are witnessing play out in far off lands like Egypt, Libya, Yemen, Iran, China and countries we’ve never heard of.

Our political leaders are beginning to resemble the dictators that foreign countries are deposing.

The way we have been doing things is not working for the people, and the people are catching on.

Our leaders are putting out the same messaging that foreign leaders were putting out before they were run out of town.

Our leaders keep talking about ideology which prevents the action that people want.

People, the world over, want food on their table, shelter from the elements, and health and prosperity for their family. They have little concern for ideology. Those basic desires are coming more to the fore in our country than ever before.

The revolution that occupies the TV screens in America may seem as though it’s coming from somewhere else, but there is one brewing here that may not be as clear.

The fatherly political figure is becoming a relic right before our eyes. It seems, like in the foreign lands, we’re tired of tired rhetoric from tiring politicians.

Our last election was less about Democrats and Republicans and more about getting rid of tired blood. The next one will be more of the same. The pols that stick to their guns will be run out of town on a rail.

The wool pulling days are coming to an end. People are recognizing the wolves dressed up as sheep. They are less interested in what you bleat and repeat and more interested in continuing to eat.

If you just ascribed what I said to the party you don’t vote for, you missed the point. It’s everywhere.

Politics as we know it is coming to an end. My sense is those who survive politically will concentrate on doing rather than talking. The successful candidates will be less concerned with a point of view and more focused on what’s important to you. It hasn’t been that way in a very long time.

All the best,

John

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How many cop or cowboy shows have you watched where one says to the other, “Cover me”?

My sense is there’s a subtle reason it’s put in there besides that it supports the storyline.

It conveys a level of unwavering trust that you will be covered by your partner.

I believe it’s the strongest glue in any relationship.

Having someone who has your back is nothing that can be purchased; it’s a priceless gift.

Maybe it’s just me, but it seems to be in shorter supply these days. I can’t put my finger on it but it seems we don’t support one another as much as we have in the past.

I am not talking about willful blindness displayed by the mother of a serial killer who says her son wouldn’t hurt a fly. This is more akin to a safety net one provides for another.

You’ll risk going out on a high wire if you think you’re covered. And if you do fall, you know it will be there to catch you.

I believe it can be summed up in a sentence: “I’ll be there for you.”

It’s more of a feeling you have rather than the result of any declaration of dedication.

I’m sensing that feeling is waning in others besides me.

Self reliance will only take you so far. Yang without Yin is working without a net.

I don’t have an answer yet, but I do have a suspicion. I think we are becoming a more splintered society because trust has gone out the window. I could make a number of guesses as to why this is the case but that would do little to solve the problem.

The solution isn’t finding out why trust went away; it’s more dependent on how to get more trust in your life.

The answer that seems to be knocking on my door the most is, “Risk more.”

I think we have gotten a bit too conservative with our support for one another, holding it back in case we need it for ourselves. That means we are risking less.

The reward of risking more is the feeling of being covered by another. Yes, it’s true your parachute could be packed without care, causing you to never dare, but you have to risk to find out that situation is rare.

There is no guarantee you will be covered, but that feeling is worth risking for.

All the best,

John

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How often have you presented or been presented with a false choice?

It’s usually in the form of “either/or.”

“We can have Mexican or Chinese” is a false choice. Look at all the options that have been left out – including neither.

We commonly offer false choices when we want to narrow the options. Observe any mother who is asking their child what they would like for dinner. “Do you want SpaghettiOs
or hamburgers?” (Do people still feed their kids SpaghettiOs)?

“Either/or” puts us in a box or assists us in boxing someone in, but it doesn’t come close to the array available.

“Either/and . . . ” broadens the choice selections but it’s still a finite list.

Often, we want to get ourselves or someone else from A to B. Generally, that’s practical, but if it becomes our regular practice, it sets up a mindset to impoverish the options.

How often do we offer ourselves infinity as a choice?

It’s readily available but rarely used.

All creativity comes from infinity. You can’t get to creativity by following an A-B-C pattern. It’s already been done and yours will be just an imitation.

The same options will generate the same results. Rather than asking, “What are my options?” begin with the recognition that your options are unlimited.

This is just a tiny shift in focus that will broaden your view.

The next time you are presented with “Either/or,” let it serve as a reminder to channel your inner Buzz Lightyear – “To infinity and beyond!”

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper paid a visit yesterday and said, “You’ll know you’ve turned the corner when you stop going around in circles.”

How often do we delude ourselves that we are on a new path only to find ourselves back at the starting line?

The main way we do this is by chasing the horizon. We are looking at the far off destination, rather than the real estate that’s right in front of us.

The far off destination is a mirage; our current state of affairs is a reality. You can’t get there until you recognize you are here.

We start off on yet another new adventure to the “Land of Oz” without determining where we truly are.

It’s the “Join the gym” mentality.

“I’m woefully out of shape, so I will go to the place to get in shape.” That strategy has a high failure rate. Just for the record, gyms and health clubs work on the 75/25 principle. 75% of the people who join a health club won’t go back after 30 days. You may be surprised to learn that they get their yearly membership fee before you come to that realization.

The gym is chasing the horizon for most. Starting where you are is finding out what you can do here and now. In the case of physical fitness, what is the one, repeatable thing you can do on a regular basis from where you currently are? – Stretch? Walk? Breathe deeply for a few minutes in front of an open window?

Looking for the quick fix is a surefire way to find yourself chasing the horizon again. It’s walking in circles back to square one.

Turning the corner is a departure from the path you are on. If you don’t recognize you’re going around in circles, you’ll never depart from that path.

How do you recognize you’re on a circular path? – When something new resembles Déjà vu.

Does this path look like, walk like, or quack like a duck? If so, it’s probably a duck you’ve chased around in circles before.

The reason we encounter the same stumbling blocks over and over is because we don’t catalog our past adventures with them, and we forget what they look like when we see them again.

Looking at the big picture is tantalizing and overwhelming for most. Taking a snapshot of your current situation and contemplating it, will do more to move you forward than all the forward thinking you’ve employed in the past.

“Right here and right now” is the mantra, and taking baby steps is the strategy for turning the corner.

“I’ve finally figured it out” is the mindset that hangs around about as long as the enthusiasm generated at a pep rally.

Turning the corner doesn’t start with a declaration that you’re turning over a new leaf. It starts when you realize that you are walking the same path you were when you made that pronouncement before.

Turning the corner has little to do with what you say you are going to do and everything to do with the doing itself. It’s not a public announcement; it’s a private pilgrimage.

Write a book about it after you’ve done it, not before.

What one, small, repeatable thing can you do with ease that will head you off the beltway to the off-ramp? Find it and repeat it until it’s as natural as breathing, then move on to a new step.

In stock market parlance, turning the corner is taking the time to invest in slow, steady growth rather than attempting to time the market again.

You’ll know you are on your way to turning the corner when the horizon is in your rearview mirror.

All the best,

John

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Repeat after me: “I am Charlie Sheen.”

Maybe we don’t have all his predilections, his money or his braggadocios nature, but we do have one major hallucination in common – We think that who we are is the person that we made up and got comfortable with.

It’s the biggest lie in our bag of tricks.

The narcissistic nonsense that Charlie Sheen and Muammar Gaddafi are spewing may be exacerbated by brain malfunctions or mood altering substances, but their comments stem from who they think they are.

They believe they are their names, rank, social status, and the ranting thoughts that run through their heads and pour out of their mouths. It’s what they have come to believe and have gotten comfortable with. It’s nowhere near the truth.

It’s easy to make these two the poster boys for the pandemic that affects us all because their behavior is so over the top.

We may be flying under the radar but our core malfunction is the same as theirs – We believe we are who we think we are.

We are so much deeper than our thoughts.

We are in possession of a deep well but choose to drink the stagnant water that has collected at the surface.

The only way I know to get to this deeper place is to get our surface self to quiet down.

The more often you calm this noisy part of you, the closer you get to your core.

Your core has no beliefs, no sense of self, just a sea of tranquility that bathes you in serenity.

After several baths in this solution of stillness, you begin to wash away the layers of lies that you have built over the years – lies that you have named as you.

You are not who you think you are, even though you may have a social security card to prove it.

The more we buy into the lie, the harder it is to get past the surface.

Just try this on for size: “I am deeper than the lie that I made up and got comfortable with.”

Once you own this realization, you’ll never again feel the need to impress anyone with who you are, because you allowed the biggest lie to die.

All the best,

John

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How many times have you come in contact with the ubiquitous words, “Letting go”?

It’s a self-help philosophy that begs for an explanation.

“You just have to let go” is a phrase that’s been offered up more times than “God Bless You” at a sneeze fest.

To my knowledge, there has never been an adequate explanation of what “letting go” means and no real direction for how to do it.

“Letting go” becomes crystal clear when you realize what you’re letting go of.

You’re not letting go of a situation; you’re letting go of the idea of control.

Let’s pretend that you are outdoors and you grasp at the air and then think that you have captured it in your hand. You have just witnessed (first hand) the “Emperor of Control” without clothes.

You come to the realization that you can’t grasp air. It’s not a major leap from there to the notion that there is no such thing as control.

Control is a myth that marketers will sell you forever. But wait, there’s more – “Ultimate Control.”

“Letting go” is letting go of the fairy tale of control.

No matter how herculean your efforts, you cannot control what reality presents, and you cannot control other people, no matter how controlling you are. There will be a rebellion and there will be consequences.

The consequence of control is that we are always grasping at air. There is no substance to hold on to. So “Letting go” is not letting go of something, it’s letting go of nothing.

An idea is not yet concrete. Control is an idea that will never get off the drawing board because there is no substance to build it.

So how do you let go of control? There is only one step.

You have to recognize that control exists only in your mind. Control will never be in tangible form so that you can mount it on your wall.

Once that realization is firmly in place, the situations that you’ve been holding on to automatically become air.

So the next time someone tells you that you have to let go, you’ll know what you’re letting go of – the idea of control.

Letting go of something begins with letting go of nothing.

All the best,

John

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Do you offer advice or do you offer input? It depends.

If you expect the sage wisdom you are offering to be followed, you are offering advice.

If you are offering what you consider the most productive course of action without any expectation, you are offering input.

Advice seems to flow downhill at you like an avalanche; input is just there for the choosing.

If you are a parent, chances are, you are offering advice, no matter how you disguise it. Advice is rarely accepted.

Most often, when you receive input, you are paying for it. Input is high priced advice without expectation.

It’s easier to offer advice than it is input. Just decide what you think someone else should do based on what you think you would do in that situation. There’s the rub. Advice is more about you than it is about them.

Reminds me of a story . . .

My father was always on me about my hair when I was a teenager. Longer hair was the fashion then but it was never in fashion with my father. It was a constant source of contention. Then one day we were traveling together in the car and the topic came up again. After my father had his say, I asked him why he couldn’t let it alone. I said, “I’m doing OK in school, I don’t get into any trouble, I don’t do drugs, and I always came home on time. What’s the big deal about my hair?” His answer: “I’m embarrassed about it with my friends.”

When his dictate (advice) was ignored, it seemed to suggest to him that he didn’t have proper control over me and that would reflect badly on him with his friends. It was more about him than it was about me.

Advice is controlling. If you have a dog in the fight, you’ll bite to be right.

Input lacks the emotional charge that often gets in the way of advice being taken.

The telltale sign of advice is that it’s jam packed with these three words: “Should,” “Must,” and “Ought.”

Input often contains more questions. “Have you ever considered . . .?” “What do you think is the natural course of events if you continue that action?”

None of us are likely to stop parceling out advice anytime soon. The question worth consideration is: “How likely is it to be followed?”

The answer to that question will get us more curious about how to offer more input and less advice.

All the best,

John

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You will experience a discrepancy gap between you and another until you can come up with a workable fit between what you want to give them and what they want, and vice-versa.

It’s more than about compromise. Compromise is generally temporary and usually leaves both sides longing for what they originally wanted.

Knowing what others want and being able to fill that desire is the Holy Grail, especially when it matches up with what you want to give them.

Too often we think for others, even though our own thinking is a full time job for us. We frequently hallucinate what another wants, and when we provide it and it’s met with disappointment, we fume, stew or say “Forget You.”

We rarely take the time to find out what another wants before deciding whether we can provide it or not. We attempt to sell them on what we think they want or what we want them to buy.

The way to have an opportunity to close the discrepancy gap is to become more aware of what others want. That means you have to ask, not mind read.

There is a great book I may have mentioned before called “Acres of Diamonds” by Russell Conwell. It was written before we were all born and the premise is this: If you surveyed your neighbors within a 5 mile radius of your home and asked them what product or service they wanted or needed that they didn’t currently have, you could graph that data and come up with a product or service that people would buy. Conwell’s notion was that you had an acre of diamonds in your back yard.

You have an acre of diamonds in your back pocket; you just have to ask.

Asking people what they want or need will give you a better idea as to whether you can deliver it or not. Once you know with more precision what they require, you can decide if you are willing and able to provide it.

If you are willing and able, you will close the discrepancy gap.

If you’re willing but unable, you may attempt to BS them and sell them something you know they don’t want. That eventually falls apart even if you’re a great convincer.

If you are able but unwilling, you are at the point where you can compromise, walk away or lie.

Again, compromise is temporary. You will be dealing with this issue again. Walking away is the option that allows you to live with yourself. Unfortunately, lying is the route most often taken. We tell them we are willing, but we’re really not. This will cause us to eventually renege on our promise.

If you are having trouble selling your ideas to another, you probably aren’t asking enough questions and/or you aren’t listening to their answers. More importantly, you are BS-ing yourself if you attempt to sell them on what they don’t want, or temporarily provide them with what they want knowing you won’t be able to sustain it.

The discrepancy gap is closed by honesty.

If you’re unable to provide what they want, say so.

If you are unwilling to provide it, say so.

If you have to compromise for the greater good, know that it is temporary.

If you truly want to close the discrepancy gap, find out what people want and then determine if you are willing and able to deliver.

I can’t tell you if the following statement is true but it sure feels that way to me: Some of the best deals you will ever make in life are those that you are willing to walk away from.

All the best,

John

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It’s really easy to measure the rut you’re in. All you have to do is measure your comfort level there.

How do you measure your comfort level?

It’s easy! Just determine if you were complaining about the same problem, last week, last month, last year or last century.

Your comfort level has increased over the years and is taking you deeper into your rut if you’re still complaining about the same unsolved difficulties that you were in the past.

You’re stuck!

Note: Your comfort level and recognizing your comfort level are two separate things.

Your comfort level is what prevents you from taking steps to free yourself from the thing you’ve been battling for years. We like the comfort of our rut. It’s the only explanation that works for why we don’t extricate ourselves.

Recognizing your comfort level is sensing the uncomfortable feeling of being stuck.

Sensing discomfort is therapeutic; it’s like the old axiom that some people will never start back up until they feel the pain of hitting bottom.

You may recognize the fact of being stuck but that’s not enough because it’s countered by the comfort level you feel while being there.

For example, let’s pretend you know someone who is suffering the pain of drug or alcohol abuse. They may be in public denial about their problem, but in private they know they’re in a deep dark hole. Yet the comfort level they feel with their drug of choice outweighs any search for living comfortably without it. They’re stuck in their comfort zone.

It seems counter-intuitive but you have to get uncomfortable to get to the genuine, soothing comfort of being unstuck.

As noted, you discover the depth of your rut by measuring the duration of your complaints. The longer you’ve been complaining about the same thing, the deeper your rut.

If you want to solve your problem, you have to get uncomfortable.

You have to get out to the edge to learn something new. You don’t have to live there, just visit. Being on the edge is certainly past our comfort zone and it’s necessary to explore that area to have any chance of seeing and experiencing the comfort of being an unstuck you.

We don’t recognize that we’ve been complaining about the same thing for years. We don’t recognize that we’ve decorated our rut with our complaints and made it more homey. We don’t recognize that if we stop complaining and get uncomfortable, it is our ticket out.

Complaining about your problem doesn’t work. If it did, you would have solved your problem years ago. All those chats with your bartender, your well meaning friends or your therapist would have fixed it.

The first step in getting out of a rut is to stop complaining. That alone will get you uncomfortable because complaining has become so comfortable over the years.

Once you stop complaining, you free up some real estate in your mind for some new direction to pop in. It’s at this choice point that we determine how serious we are about solving our problem. Do we have the courage to get more uncomfortable and walk to the edge and see our new horizon, or do we pass on the opportunity and creep back to our comfort zone and choke on our own regurgitation?

There is power in ceasing our complaints. It gets us to focus on solutions rather than problems, and the result is a lighted pathway to the edge.

Your best chance for getting to the edge of discovery is to ask yourself this question: Do I have the courage to stop complaining about the rut I’m in?

All the best,

John

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What may be a problem for you may not be to someone else. Problems are relative.

“Relative to what?” you ask. They are relative to your perceived position.

Our viewing angle is 360 degrees. We tend to view our problems from the same angle, give or take a few degrees each time.

Rarely do we take an opposite or different angle of approach.

Our problems stay right side up if we refuse to turn them upside down.

We are conditioned to look at the same situations the same way each time.

We have the same conversations in our head as we did the last time and we come up with the same solutions that didn’t work before.

What’s not working in your life is a problem. The main reason you aren’t getting solutions is because you are stuck on the same angle of approach.

Dieting is my favorite example simply because so many people can relate to it. When you go on a diet, you have the same conversation in your head you had the last time – the same solution. For example, you may decide that you’re not going to eat sweets anymore. After all, you lost weight the last time you employed that strategy. You seem to forget that you like sweets and eventually will go back to them.

Sweets aren’t the problem; your weight is the problem. Your solution is to look at that problem from the same angle of view. We have 360 angles to approach from, but we default to the same angle we used the last time.

I don’t know the specific answer to your problem, but I do know this: You do.

You just haven’t taken the time to move around the circle and take a look from a different angle.

If you just notice that you’re approaching something you’ve failed at before from the same angle again, you are at the doorstep of real change. It’s this noticing that will prompt you to move your position and look at your problem from a different angle.

If we want to stop going around in circles, it’s helpful to adopt a different angle of view.

All the best,

John

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