I woke up a few mornings ago with a term in my mind that I had never heard before – “Inbedream.”

I had no idea what it meant, if anything. So I just got curious about it and this is what popped:

Inbedream: A state of awareness between dreaming and being fully awake.

We’ve all experienced this frame of mind. It’s a quiet time between busy periods.

My experience suggests that this is where all the magic happens – in between the busy-ness of a thought filled day and the disjointed, patchwork quilt known as dreaming.

“Inbedream” is the semi-awake time just before drifting off to sleep and the time just before being fully awake.

Others have named this state of mind with other labels, but the important thing is not the naming of these periods but the utilization of them.

I saw a piece on the news a week or so ago that suggested one way of utilizing this state of mind before retiring for sleep: Write down three things you are grateful for before nodding off. Use a notebook, a pad of paper or note card and place it by your bedside.

When you begin to awaken, bring those three things to mind again and let them bathe in that magical soup.

I won’t tell you the results because that would only be my experience. To gain your own experience, you have to do the exercise. It’s easy enough. I suggest you give it a go and see what happens.

You can write anything on the sheet that you want to imbue your mind with, but gratitude is a nice start.

All the magic happens in the spaces between our thoughts and this bedtime routine is a way to introduce yourself to a magic trick that produces real magic.

“Inbedream” may never make it into the dictionary, but if you utilize the concept, you will begin to experience magical feelings that words can’t describe.

All the best,

John

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There’s an old tongue twister that popped in as I was contemplating this blog post – “A noisy noise annoys an oyster most.”

It’s a noisy world and it’s getting noisier. Our media reflects this increasing noise that we human beings are generating. We have nonstop news 24/7, and the organizations delivering it have to shout louder to get above the competing din in order to get our attention. No wonder oysters bury themselves in the sand.

Our minds are more active because we have more stimuli bombarding us and vying for our attention. Our additional mental activity causes tensions like frazzled nerves, road rage, sleeplessness and attention deficits.

It doesn’t look like the noise is going to quiet down anytime soon.

There seems to be two courses of action to change things.

1. Change the world’s noise.
2. Change the noise in your corner of the world – your mind.

Choice one will be an uphill battle with little chance of success, but changing your little corner pays quiet dividends to you.

It always seems as though our problem is out there in the big, bad world. That’s only a situation. Our problem is in our noisy little corner of the world.

We have the ability to generate internal quiet, but it takes recognition and repetition.

We have to recognize that our thoughts are running rampant in our mind and the best way to stop them in their tracks is to interrupt them repeatedly.

Interruption is not beating yourself up for having them, or stopping to debate with them. Just notice that your thoughts have a mind of their own and will pop in without invitation often. “Observing” may be a better term. When you observe something, you don’t participate. It’s like watching a movie.

Observing is the interruption that’s necessary. Watch your mind work. It can be very entertaining. We normally don’t observe; we participate. Participating in a back and forth conversation in your mind makes as much sense as debating with a mannequin. Your wisdom falls on deaf ears.

Observation is the noise dial. Each time you observe your thoughts, you get to turn the volume down on them another notch. Practice makes problems disappear by making room for solutions to pop in.

You can make the world less noisy by taking care of your little corner of it. Observation is a start and repetition takes you to the finish line.

As always, you have choices. You can remain an annoyed oyster OR you can take action on this pearl of wisdom: A quiet mind is an observed mind.

All the best,

John

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Suppose all that you’ve been hoping, dreaming, praying for doesn’t come true? Then what?

Most of us never get to that question because we’re too busy repeating the hoping, dreaming and praying that didn’t work before.

We hope, dream and pray our life away by never asking, “Then what?”

It seems we never consider the option that what we want is not available to us. It’s a painful point to reach. You feel alone, scared and your faith is shaken. No wonder we don’t ask, “Then what?”

“Then what?” is more than a possibilities question; it’s a lighted pathway away from the pain of unanswered hopes, dreams and prayers.

Most of us have a gnawing notion that what we want isn’t going to happen but we keep shutting it out.

How do you open the door to the idea that your hope, dream or prayer isn’t going to happen?

You first have to pretend that it won’t. That means you have to mentally daydream that what you want isn’t going to happen. By doing so, you put “not happening” into the realm of possibility. This isn’t negative thinking or doubt; it’s certainty. Make it a convincing daydream that what you want will never happen in this lifetime.

This fantasy, when repeated often enough, turns into a personal reality. You will feel the certainty of what you want never being a reality, and you will also feel the sharp pain of loss. There’s no getting around it. It’s “No Pain, No Gain” on steroids.

Where’s the good news?

The persistent ache of unanswered hopes, dreams and prayers goes away and you can explore your next options pain free.

The only parallel I can give you is that of wading into cold water a step at a time vs. taking the plunge. The former is constant pain for however long it takes to get completely wet; the latter is complete bone chilling cold that dissipates much quicker.

“Then What?” isn’t for the faint of heart; it’s only for the person who’s brave enough to let go of constant pain.

You won’t entertain possibilities until you end the pain of a non-existent probability.

I’m not sure I yet have the courage to get to what’s possible, but I’m certain I have the vehicle to get there. It’s called, “Then what?”

All the best,

John

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Yesterday I was at the beach, and with my toes properly nestled into the wet sand at the water’s edge, I heard The Grasshopper ask, “What are you giving up to be you?”

There is a price to pay for keeping who we “think” we are polished and on display. I’m not sure we’ve ever done the arithmetic, because if we did we’d have the answer to the question: What does being you cost you?

We regularly give up our peace of mind and our enjoyment of life in order to prop up something that has the stability of a sandcastle – our false notion of who we are.

We are giving up precious resources in order to maintain a way of life that’s not working.

We create pain for ourselves every day by justifying that it be “my” way.

Is your way working? The answer is “No” if you are regularly feeling pain about your choices. That pain reoccurs every time you choose a course of action that justifies making another addition to your sandcastle.

You simply can’t afford to be you. You’ll eventually go bankrupt and be swept out to sea.

Being you is a costly venture that pays no dividends, other than saying, “I’m right.”

What are you giving up to be you? Relationships? Connectedness? Your Life?

You’ll know you are buying into a way of life you can’t afford when you count up the justifications you attempt to pay for it with.

The more justifications you have, the less life you have. Another way to ask what The Grasshopper asked is: What justifications do you need to give up to enjoy a fuller life?

I’m sure an old cowboy once said, “When you stick to your guns you eventually shoot yourself in the foot.” If your justifications are glued to you, you have found the price you are paying for your pain.

Today’s Reflection: Are you are giving up the fullness of life in order to be you?

All the best,

John

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Have you ever watched people in a market test for the ripeness of a fruit or vegetable? The strategies are varied and go from A to Z – Avocado to Zucchini.

How do we know something is ripe and ready for picking in our own life?

We frequently pick too early or wait too long and have it die on the vine.

So how do we know the moment when something is worth acting on and ready to be picked?

Very similar to our watermelon ritual – It looks, sounds and feels right.

Quite often we get caught up in the looks and sounds department and forget to notice the feeling sense.

My experience is that the feeling sense is the strongest indicator of ripeness, yet it’s the one we use the least.

If it doesn’t feel right, the shiny looks can be deceiving. If something sounds too good to be true, it’s your gut that will let you know for sure.

The key to checking for ripeness is to check with your gut. This isn’t an intellectual conversation or a debate; it’s a physical measurement of how something feels.

We all have a feeling sense, we just don’t pay attention to it often enough. It may not have the eye appeal our intellect so appreciates, but it is the workhorse when it comes to a fruitful harvest.

It takes more than luck to know when to pluck; it takes guts.

Happy Summer Picking!

All the best,

John

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If you’ve ever raised children or taught children, you are familiar with the “Look what I can do” stage. It’s the child seeking attention and the vehicle they use is showing you what they are capable of.

I contend that “Look what I can do” extends well past childhood and the objective is the same – to seek attention.

In an adult, it may be referred to as “Showing off,” “Bragging” or “Holding Court.”

If you are forever seeking attention, you have not placed enough attention on yourself. You haven’t yet made the transition from “Look what I can do” to “Look what can be done.”

When you place enough attention on yourself, you don’t need as much from the outside and this allows you to go from performer to teacher.

The great teachers don’t advertise “Look what I can do;” that’s just a great showman.

Great teachers put the emphasis on what can be done, and the greatest of the great teach this: “Look what you can do.”

There is a stage in life where you need to capture peoples’ attention. It’s a way of getting them to notice you in a crowded field. But if attention seeking becomes a way of life, you will never find enough to fill you up. You’ll always go from one audition to another seeking a stage on which to perform until you reach the closing act.

The sooner we make the transition from “Look what I can do” to “Look what can be done” or better, the sooner we get to pay something forward, rather than take it to our grave.

We have sufficient attention on ourselves when we effortlessly use our skills to help others find out what they can do. We have discovered that seeking attention solely for ourselves is a one-way street to feeling incomplete.

If you don’t feel you’re getting enough attention, make the effort to help someone else find what they can do. It will generate enough attention to fill the both of you.

All the best,

John

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When I was in broadcasting, I had numerous opportunities to go backstage with many musical stars. It gave me a richer experience of the performer and their performance.

In our life, we have the opportunity to go backstage every day, but we don’t because we have forgotten we have a backstage pass.

We get to experience the performance, but we miss out on the whole experience which makes our performance possible.

Our life story is like a collection of songs we sing. The songs define who we are, just like our collection of memories defines who we are.

But when you go backstage, you get to see the performer from another angle. They don’t have to be “On” all the time and you get a glimpse of them past their ability to perform.

It’s a lot quieter backstage and this atmosphere is the breeding ground that allows the performance to be filled with energy.

Reminds me of a story . . .

A number of years ago, I was up late and saw the David Letterman Show. His musical guest was Todd Rundgren who played one of his biggest hits, “I Saw The Light.” It was clear to me that Todd was just going through the moves. I hallucinated that he had sung this song hundreds of times and the verve for it was gone, yet he continued to sing it because that’s what people wanted.

Compare that to a song the late Ricky Nelson sang in the early 70’s called, “Garden Party.” Ricky had a TV and musical career in the 50s and early 60s and had a string of hit songs. The song “Garden Party” was autobiographical in nature. It recounted a personal revelation he received after a performance at Madison Square Garden in New York City. The show featured all his hit songs and some of the new material he was working on. The crowd only wanted to hear the hits. A line from “Garden Party” sums up his experience nicely: “If you gotta’ play at garden parties, I wish you a lotta’ luck, but if memories were all I sang, I rather drive a truck.”

Singing our greatest hits has its place, but if that’s all we do, we’re always on stage. We miss the backstage experience which is richer and fuller than any performance we are likely to give. It also imbues that performance with more energy than we are likely to have without spending time backstage.

Think of backstage as a safe haven you can always go to when your performance is stale. It’s the quiet, creative space that will give old and new material new life. It allows old songs to contain the energy they had the first time you performed them, and it lets new songs into your repertoire so you can continue to grow.

To reclaim your backstage pass, you have to get quiet; then the big bouncer (resistance) will let you pass.

Remember that during the hustle and bustle of your everyday performance, you have the opportunity to get quiet, go backstage and take a break and recharge your energy. Not only that, but this backstage experience gives life to new songs.

If your life has become a garden party, it’s time to bring out your backstage pass.

All the best,

John

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Of all the liberties and freedoms we celebrate today, let us remember the freedom most forgotten – The freedom to choose our response.

Happy July 4^th!

John

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When I woke up this morning The Grasshopper was waiting on my pillow with these words: “If you look at life through a rear view mirror, your biography has already been written.”

Wow! what a time saver. No need to write an auto-biography. Just find someone who was always looking back and read their story; then change their name to yours.

It reminded me of two time tested axioms:

1. If you want to know where you are going, look where you’ve been.
2. If you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got.

When forging ahead, it’s a distraction to be looking back. Reminds me of a story . . .

The other night I took Snuffy the Black Nosed Beagle for a late evening walk. Just as we walked out the door, there was a rabbit sitting in the middle of our front lawn. I figured Snuffy would go into howling mode and drag me at lightning speed to chase after it. He didn’t. He went onto stealth, stalker mode.

The micro-movement of his muscles was a thing of beauty to watch. He crept closer and closer keeping his laser focus on the bunny in front of him. His patience was admirable. Then it happened. A car came down the side street and he shifted his focus ever so slightly to see the car, and the rabbit took off like a shot. NOW I was being dragged at lightning speed by a howling hound.

Looking back can only give you perspective, not a directive. It can tell you what not to do, not what to do.

Looking forward is a discipline, one that requires that your focus stays on what’s in front of you.

Every time you look back, you take your eye off the ball and strike out in the wrong direction.

If you are looking to write a different auto-biography, your back story is irrelevant. Your front page headline has to be in BIG, BOLD type and read: LOOKING FORWARD!

I don’t have a step-by-step strategy to offer, only a suggestion: Focus on what’s right in front of you. This will give you the presence of mind to stop looking back and letting your prey get away.

All the best,

John

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Are you due for a software update? If you have a computer, you are reminded to perform that function regularly.

As humans, I believe we have software updates confused with wholesale change, so we avoid them. Updates are more subtle than that.

We are not required to change our operating system, just make some adjustments to it so it performs better.

I’m pretty certain this confusion is why diets don’t work long term. People look on dieting as making a wholesale change. They go along with that idea for awhile until a part of them rebels and then they go back to their old sluggish operating system.

I haven’t met the person yet who has changed operating systems; I have met many people who have made successful software updates to that system.

So how do we perform a software update?

Actually, the update happens, in the background, without us knowing how; we just have to begin the process.

So what’s the beginning step?

Warning: It’s a difficult but life changing one.

That first step is recognizing that our way doesn’t work.

That seems simple on the surface but you would be astonished how often we avoid noticing.

We are so invested in who we are that we have difficulty seeing that one of our comfortable, conditioned routines is a dead end. That routine has become a revered part of us, even though it’s lying on the couch and out of work.

If you intentionally put someone under stress, they will show you their patterned way of doing things. They revert back to the old operating system time and again with the same results they got last time – none – and they don’t notice.

When you are stressed, it’s important to notice what you resist. Recognizing what we resist is the starting point to update our way that doesn’t work.

Legendary psychiatrist, Carl Jung reminded us: “What you resist, persists.”

If you’ve ever lost money in the stock market, you have a finer appreciation of this resistance dynamic. It goes something like this: You invest in a stock that you believe in. it has its initial ups and downs, but then the downs start to take over. At this stress point, we resist getting out. We reassure ourselves that the market is going through a correction and we’ll be back up in no time. It continues to drop. We continue to resist. We keep assuring ourselves it will turn around. (By the way, it’s the same mind set many use when losing at a casino). Finally, the stock is in absolute free fall and we remain in denial that our way isn’t working.

Bottom line: We lose.

We’ve resisted taking a look at what we resist. We resisted noticing that our way wasn’t working.

Once you feel resistance, that’s your opportunity to notice. The software update of recognition separates the losing action from who we think we are, so that it can be evaluated on its own merit. As long as our way of doing things is married to who we are, we will continue making losing bets.

It takes courage to notice that a life-long pattern that we’ve heavily invested in isn’t working.

It’s that act of inspection that begins the update.

What are you heavily invested in that’s not working? What are you resisting with every ounce of your ego? Notice it. That’s when your update will begin and, before too long, your operating system will run smoothly again.

Are you in need of a software update? Here’s an easy way to tell: If you are losing a lot more than you’re winning, your way isn’t working. You’d be wise to recognize.

All the best,

John

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