Are you due for a software update? If you have a computer, you are reminded to perform that function regularly.

As humans, I believe we have software updates confused with wholesale change, so we avoid them. Updates are more subtle than that.

We are not required to change our operating system, just make some adjustments to it so it performs better.

I’m pretty certain this confusion is why diets don’t work long term. People look on dieting as making a wholesale change. They go along with that idea for awhile until a part of them rebels and then they go back to their old sluggish operating system.

I haven’t met the person yet who has changed operating systems; I have met many people who have made successful software updates to that system.

So how do we perform a software update?

Actually, the update happens, in the background, without us knowing how; we just have to begin the process.

So what’s the beginning step?

Warning: It’s a difficult but life changing one.

That first step is recognizing that our way doesn’t work.

That seems simple on the surface but you would be astonished how often we avoid noticing.

We are so invested in who we are that we have difficulty seeing that one of our comfortable, conditioned routines is a dead end. That routine has become a revered part of us, even though it’s lying on the couch and out of work.

If you intentionally put someone under stress, they will show you their patterned way of doing things. They revert back to the old operating system time and again with the same results they got last time – none – and they don’t notice.

When you are stressed, it’s important to notice what you resist. Recognizing what we resist is the starting point to update our way that doesn’t work.

Legendary psychiatrist, Carl Jung reminded us: “What you resist, persists.”

If you’ve ever lost money in the stock market, you have a finer appreciation of this resistance dynamic. It goes something like this: You invest in a stock that you believe in. it has its initial ups and downs, but then the downs start to take over. At this stress point, we resist getting out. We reassure ourselves that the market is going through a correction and we’ll be back up in no time. It continues to drop. We continue to resist. We keep assuring ourselves it will turn around. (By the way, it’s the same mind set many use when losing at a casino). Finally, the stock is in absolute free fall and we remain in denial that our way isn’t working.

Bottom line: We lose.

We’ve resisted taking a look at what we resist. We resisted noticing that our way wasn’t working.

Once you feel resistance, that’s your opportunity to notice. The software update of recognition separates the losing action from who we think we are, so that it can be evaluated on its own merit. As long as our way of doing things is married to who we are, we will continue making losing bets.

It takes courage to notice that a life-long pattern that we’ve heavily invested in isn’t working.

It’s that act of inspection that begins the update.

What are you heavily invested in that’s not working? What are you resisting with every ounce of your ego? Notice it. That’s when your update will begin and, before too long, your operating system will run smoothly again.

Are you in need of a software update? Here’s an easy way to tell: If you are losing a lot more than you’re winning, your way isn’t working. You’d be wise to recognize.

All the best,

John

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