Do you know someone who is always the hero of their own story? How about the person who’s always the victim? These two folks have something in common. They’re stuck in their story.

The hero keeps his low self-esteem in place by pretending to be the perennial victor. The victim is super glued to the notion that others are the cause of their dismal circumstances. Both are prisoners of their stories.

With each passing year it becomes more obvious to me how we limit our growth by dragging ourselves backward by sticking with our out-of-date story.

The hero thinks if he creates just one more heroic narrative, it will make him feel better about himself. It won’t. The victim believes if they reiterate their tale of woe just one more time their circumstances will change. They won’t.

Convincing these people to retire their stories is harder than convincing a drug abuser that they have a problem. Their story has become who they are and they will justify the telling of it, ad nauseam, to those near and far.

The only thing you can do for them is make them aware that their story hasn’t gotten them what they wanted: relief from their pain. It never will.

Perhaps asking them to get a “little religion” and stop telling the story so often will put a crack in their border wall and eventually open up an escape route.

But the full release can only be achieved when they stop being the hero or the aggrieved.

If you recognize yourself as the victim or hero, stop telling your story or you may wind up like that famous, Roman fiddler: Nero.

All the best,

John

Hear the recorded version below.