Personal change is a big business. It’s been part of my profession for over 40 years. But in that time, I’ve discovered something: People don’t change; they evolve.

This perspective came to me a number of years ago when I was chatting with a friend. He emphatically said, “People don’t change.” I took longer than usual to respond to his assertion and then I said, “I don’t think people change either, but they can evolve.”

But some people will never evolve. From birth to death, they’ll argue to stay the same until they run out of breath. You’ll instantly recognize these folks by this expression: “That’s just the way I am.” That’s your cue to save your breath.

You may have heard of a personality typing system known as the Enneagram. It lists 9 personality types and it’s a great tool for getting to know who you’re interacting with. I use it to get clues for which angle of approach to use when I attempt to enter a person’s model of the world so I can see things as they do.

Within each of the 9 enneagram personality types, there are 9 levels of development. They list them as “Healthy Levels,” “Average Levels,” and “Unhealthy Levels.” It’s a fascinating body of work that you can check out for yourself by going to their website: enneagraminstitute.com That’s e-n-n-e-a-g-r-a-m institute dot com.

I only mention the enneagram levels to point out that there are levels of evolvement within a personality type, adding validity to my notion that people don’t change, but they can evolve.

I guess my real message here is that it’s a fool’s errand to go looking for wholesale change with yourself or with another. That’s what I like to refer to as “eating a whole cow at once.” (For my vegan friends, substitute a bulk package of tofu for cow).

Use the 1 to 10 scale when attempting to evolve to another level. If you assess yourself at a 5 on a scale of 10, don’t make it your mission to “get to a 10 or bust.” Instead, noodle out a plan to get to a 6. That way, you’ll have a better chance of succeeding. Once you arrive at 6, put 7 in your sights and move up the ladder in increments. It’s a lot less stressful and you’ll be a lot more successful.

Final thought: When you have a personal dilemma to solve, don’t try and change everything, look for a way to evolve.

All the best,

John

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