Over the years, I’ve developed a new response to people who continually say things that I find disagreeable and offensive.

In the past, I would just label them with a pejorative putdown and feed my superiority. That may work in the short run, but if you encounter this person over time, you’ll be hard-pressed to meet the moment with your bag filled with sticks and stones.

To get closer to these folks, it’s necessary to shift your strategy. One way is to “walk a mile in their shoes.” That means to get curious how they got to be this way and then develop some empathy for how they’re feeling.

The Grasshopper was rather crude but on target when he uttered these words to me yesterday: “If that much shit comes out of their mouth, imagine how much more is in their head.”

I can’t imagine I’m the only one who says, “I would hate to live in their head.”

People spewing garbage are feeling rotten inside. It’s helpful to know that before you decide to “deride.”

A strategy I was taught many years ago recently came to mind. It went like this: respond to a critical remark in this fashion:

1. Ask a question in response to the remark.

2. Ask with genuine curiosity.

3. Ask the question in “neutral.” (That means to take the implied “screw you” out of your voice).

This allows the communication to keep going and gives you a much better chance for a more productive outcome than had you offered your initial reaction.

I’m not suggesting you put this person on your Christmas card list, just appreciate that you’ll communicate with them better, than if you just offer them a “diss.”

All the best,

John

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