The Grasshopper gave me a new question to ask myself: “Suppose they’re right?”

How often do we dig in to our position without ever considering another’s angle of view?

I’ve told this story before but it fits perfectly here. I was attending a week long workshop about 20 years ago and got into a “discussion” with another attendee. We were on opposite sides of an issue and both of us were using our outside voices inside. Based on our backgrounds, I was the more experienced debater and easily boxed this person in and made them look stupid in front of our fellow attendees. This person stormed out.

My roommate said this to me after the altercation, “Dude, you really know how to throw a hand grenade under a table.” The room was uneasy.

About an hour passed and this person returned to our group and asked to speak to me alone. We went outside and had a more civil conversation. It was during this exchange that this phrase left my lips: “Ya know, if I were brought up in your house, I’d be exactly like you, and if you were brought up in my house, you’d be exactly like me.” It was an icebreaker. The bottom line is we “hugged it out” and became friendly.

“Suppose they’re right?” is a reminder to, as the song says, “walk a mile in my shoes.”

No matter how absurd you think another’s point of view is, take the time to ask yourself, “Suppose they’re right?” Just for a moment, explore how they got to this conclusion. What shaped their view? Make an effort to find out and you’ll discover more than someone with opposing views, you’ll find out why they think they’re right.

It can lead to a less heated and more factual discussion. When you discover how someone got to the point that they feel a certain way, you’re now finding out how they make decisions vs. deciding, out of hand, that they’re totally wrong.

I’m not suggesting that this strategy is going to bring either of you to the other side of the fence, or even start exchanging Christmas cards. What I am suggesting is, it’s a way to reduce the heat so you can discover more of the light. That’s the magic you create by asking yourself, “Suppose they’re right?”

All the best,

John

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