- Thoughts for inspired living

December 26, 2008

The Biggest Coward

Filed under: John Morgan's Blog — John Morgan @ 9:14 am

I have come up with the next hot, reality TV show – The Biggest Coward.

You bring in people from all walks of life, all ethnic backgrounds, all economic and social strata, and have them compete for the coveted title of “The Biggest Coward.”

One precondition to appearing on the show would be to know the contestants’ biggest fear. You would put them through a number of exercises to activate that specific fear and the audience would judge each contestant on how well they handled the situation. The person with the lowest score would be “The Biggest Coward.”

Here’s why the show wouldn’t work. No, not because it’s cruel. All those shows are cruel. The reason it wouldn’t work is because the same fear would win week after week.

Fear of snakes? Fear of heights? Fear of Death? Public Speaking?

Those apprehensions are mere puppy chow compared to the Granddaddy of them all.

What is it you ask?

It’s the perceived ridicule that would accompany an apology.

The Biggest Coward cannot come up with the courage to apologize. They make the cowardly lion look brave. The ridicule they perceive that would come with an apologetic admission freezes them into a cowering corner.

Lack of authentic apologies is rampant in our society and it causes radiating pain for all who encounter the ridicule fearing, Biggest Coward.

What causes this fear? It’s conditioning. The Biggest Coward has been conditioned, more than most, to believe that the image of themselves they carry around in their mind is who they really are.

It’s not a pretty image. But they have no idea that this guiding force of image they carry around is an illusion – one in which they believe. They act out this image time after time, oftentimes to their grave.

The Biggest Coward carries an image that drives feelings of not being worthy. They want to hide that image from everyone at all costs because to be found out would cause additional pain.

They usually go the extra mile to make people like them, and they succeed. They rarely do anything that needs an apology because, if they did, that would expose their worthless feelings and cause them ridicule.

But being human, they do things that require apologies, ones that never come. Oh, they are masters of the conditional apology. You’ll recognize it as a version of the “I’m sorry but . . .” apology. Most times they just pour on after-the-fact kindness to the offended person so that they never have to amend the grievance with a fear worse than death – an authentic, heartfelt apology.

They are world class under the rug sweepers. Facts scare them and they rarely deal in them, especially in areas where amends are in order. When cornered, they will deny, obfuscate, play conversational dodge ball and eventually shift blame to you.

It’s sad to watch and painful to experience.

The remedy, like the game of golf, is simple but not easy.

When this person discovers they are not their illusionary image, they realize there is nothing to hide anymore. They don’t need to be forced to apologize in an “interventionist setting.” They simply need relief from the repetitive thoughts in their head that keep their behavior frozen in place.

Once they begin to glimpse that there is something to them other than the repetitive, ridiculing content of their conditioned mind, their behavior begins to thaw and apologies begin to naturally flow.

Your authentic self always sends forgiveness to your conditioned self. You just have to find this place of peace to start the process.

It begins by noticing you are not the thoughts that occupy your mind. They are like traveling gypsies who only rent space there. You are the rightful owner who can evict them on a moment’s notice just by noticing.

Start noticing who you really are today and watch the Biggest Coward melt and fade away.

All the best,


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