Dear Santa,

It’s been a year since I’ve written. Hope you, Mrs. Claus, and the elves are enjoying the holiday season.

As always, I know you won’t be able to bring me everything on my list, but every effort will be appreciated.

These are the things I want the most:

🎄 Congress people who ask questions rather than pontificate during congressional hearings.

🎄 Bombas socks. They’re my favorite.

🎄 Less Christmas songs from artists I’ve never heard of.

🎄 No more vampire movies or ones with car chase scenes. Hasn’t that been done, Santa?

🎄 Proper use of the reflexive pronoun “Myself,” especially by athletes.

🎄 And finally, Santa, is it possible for me to never meet anyone who likes “Flo” in the Progressive Insurance commercials?

Thank you for all your consideration. I know there are some big “asks” in my letter this year and I perfectly understand if you can’t fill them.

Thank you and Merry Christmas,

(LJ) Little Johnny

P.S. Do you think you’ll be set up for texts by next Christmas?