We are sending out invisible signals all the time to anyone and everyone. The term used in the game of poker gives us more insight. That term is “Tells.”

We are telling all who are willing to pay attention what we think is known only to us.

Tells can be seen, heard and felt and, to a lesser degree, tasted and smelled.

Everyone is telling. It’s up to us to pay closer attention to gain some awareness as to what’s below the surface.

Remember: We are telling as well. People can glean that which we believe is unseen with a bit of attention.

Dr. Dave Dobson taught something called “Other Than Conscious Communication.” It wasn’t as airy as the title may imply. It was a practical set of observations that demonstrated that we all communicate on two planes: conscious & other than conscious. When we say one thing but our “tells” communicate something else, we are being incongruent in our communication. When we encounter that red flag of incongruity, it’s a signal for us to pay more attention.

The simplest application is the “yes or no” response. Some people when saying “yes” are shaking their head “no.” If we only pay attention to what they say, we can easily be led astray.

I’m particularly attuned to auditory incongruity. I can hear it at a thousand paces whether in person or over the phone. Others are tuned into visual cues, and some just get a “feeling.”

Here’s a bit of wisdom from Dr. Dave: “When you are given two signals, conscious and other than conscious, pay more attention to the one that’s outside the person’s awareness. It will get you closer to what they’re really communicating.”

This isn’t intended to be a lesson on how to tell someone is telling; it’s more of an invitation to pay more attention when interacting with another. Your increased attention will make the invisible visible, and you will get to see more of the heavily clad emperor.

All the best,

John