Got a spontaneous visit from The Grasshopper the other day and he had this to say:

“Justifying “something” keeps “something” in place.”

According to the dictionary, when we justify something, “we give a reason or explanation why something was done.”

Did you ever notice there’s never a lack of reasons. The first person who figures out how to get cars to run on reasons will be crowned King or Queen of the Free World.

Reasons or justifications never seem to move the solutions process forward. They keep us stuck in a loop where progress can’t progress.

As long as I can justify my behavior, my behavior will remain the same. Justification only works if my behavior is working. It’s most often not the case.

Reminds me of a story . . .

Many years ago I sensed that a dear friend was upset with me. I had no idea why, but I knew something was askew. I probed and got the “everything is fine” answer but everything wasn’t fine. Since this person was not going to address the issue that wasn’t an issue, I simply requested that they just stop being angry with me for whatever the reason. This prompted them to say, “I will send you an email next week as to why I can’t stop being angry.” I’m still waiting for the email and I’m certain they are still carrying the anger.

Notice where the emphasis is . . . “why I can’t stop being angry.” My guess is this email, if it ever came, would have be loaded with justifications for being angry and devoid of any suggested solution to restore peacefulness between us.

Justification is the glue to keep your story in place. Without it, the storybook comes unraveled and you are left with a choice – to reassemble the old story or write a new one.

Justification will not allow you to write new chapters in your life. You’ll be relegated to the same old, hackneyed script that keeps you piling stuff under the rug so you’re assured to never get over the hump.

When you justify, you deny yourself the opportunity to explore a resolution. Music that has no resolving chord leaves you feeling frenetic. A life filled with justification accomplishes the same thing.

Explore the emotion you are feeling rather than justifying it with a story. Exploration is a more direct route to the other side of the emotion.

Justifying your emotions with reasons is just another way of staying stuck. If you’re in the habit of doing this, the title of your autobiography is already written – Why I Can’t Be At Peace Now.

It may be helpful to ask: “What emotion am I keeping in place with justification?” Just exploring the question may be the beginning of a whole new chapter that allows you to let go of “Something.”

All the best,

John