I tripped over an old Grasshopper Note that reminded me that it’s often quite useful to make the transition from one definition of a concept to another to get the broader perspective and benefit the new description delivers.

Accepting Reality Is An Oxymoron – Grasshopper

It’s right up there with accepting “A little pregnant,” “Acute dullness” and “Boneless ribs.”

Reality, pure and simple, is what happens. It’s an undisputed fact – The vase broke, the building burned down, my husband cheated.

We have bought into the notion that there is an action separate and apart from reality called “Acceptance of Reality” that’s necessary for reality to be validated. It would be like saying “I accept that all living human beings breathe” as a condition of breathing.

Reality doesn’t need acceptance; it needs recognition.

I recognize the vase broke is all that’s necessary.

We have built a false choice when we claim that we can or cannot accept reality. There is no choice. Reality happens.

You may or may not recognize that reality has happened, but that’s fixable with a few training aids – chards from the broken vase, ashes from the burned building, a detective’s pictures of your husband’s canoodling.

The notion that we have to talk ourselves into a position of acceptance is pure theater and keeps too many ineffective therapists employed.

Acceptance is a feeling about a fact. That has nothing to do with reality.

Acceptance is not for sale. It’s like the Christian concept of Grace; it will come, if and when it comes, on its own accord. No donation, stipend or cheerful chit-chat about acceptance acts as a catalyst.

I’m not lobbying for the term acceptance to go away; I’m attempting to have you mentally morph it into recognition.

Recognize, for example, that Self-Acceptance is really Self-Recognition.
One fact that keeps us in our own way is not recognizing that we’re in our own way. We keep looking away from the direction of reality.

Before you can get to a feeling of acceptance, you will have to begin to recognize, not judge, reality.

Many of my CDs, for marketing purposes, are advertised under the concept of Self-Acceptance, but they’re really about Self-Recognition, which leads us to the doorstep of acceptance.

One of the things I have you do on one of my CDs is to notice yourself, warts and all, without judging. There is power in recognition without recrimination. This is a practice of noticing reality which doesn’t require acceptance. The feeling of acceptance comes as a byproduct of recognizing reality.

Accepting reality is a difficult path to walk; recognizing reality is much easier and it’s the quickest avenue towards the feeling of acceptance.

Here’s the reality that will make you more accepting: Notice rather than attempting to accept.

All the best,

John