Are you having the same argument again?

It doesn’t matter with whom: yourself, someone else or God. When you engage in the same argument, your relationship with your “arguee” grinds to a halt.

If you’re not evolving, you’re revolving – around the same drain you have circled before.

The main impediment to evolving, as I see it, is the penchant to win the argument. In short, be right.

Many margaritas ago, The Grasshopper said, “Most people would rather be right than happy. And preferring to be right, they are left out.”

If you need to win arguments, study to become a trial lawyer, otherwise arguing to win will stall relationship after relationship until there’s no one left to relate to, only people to argue with.

Begin to notice what you argue about. That’s a problem that needs solving, not more debate about who’s on the side of the angels.

To the point: If you’re arguing, you’re not relating. That doesn’t mean you can’t have differences of opinions; we all do. It’s just arguing about them again and again will have the same result you got the last time: no end to the argument.

The lead character in the Daniel Quinn novel Ishmael gave us a very quotable quote: “There is no argument that will end the argument.”

In order to get back to relating, we have to step out of the argument that keeps that from happening. “Stepping out” means taking a look at it with a different set of eyes as though it was someone else’s situation that we were observing. What sage advice would we offer to another if it was their argument?

My guess is you would request they seek a solution, not give them a lesson on getting the upper hand.

The way to resolve the argument is to resolve the problem. Go to work on it rather than formulating dazzling soliloquies that leave your arguing partner speechless, yet dug in.

Make no mistake, if you’re having the same argument time after time, you have a problem that needs a resolution. Put all you effort there. Get outside help if you need it but make solving the problem your mission, otherwise you put your ability to relate and evolve out of commission.

All the best,

John