In the category of “‘Most Losses,” denial wins!

We keep winning the denial argument and losing the war.

What are we denying? Just about everything that’s happening in our life that we don’t want happening.

Denying that it’s happening just keeps it happening.

We have become experts at the game of denial. I remember playing hide-and-seek when I was 5 years old and thought that if I closed my eyes the other person wouldn’t be able to see me.

We can easily give a pass to an imaginative 5-year old but what about now?

The game we play now is thinking that if we deny it long enough, people will stop noticing what we’re in denial about. We lose even more when we play that game with ourself.

Denial is a pattern that we’ve learned that we believe absolves us of responsibility. It’s never the case. We’re always responsible for that which we deny.

The first objective is to notice that denial isn’t working. Yes, you may have shouted someone down and temporarily chased them off with your denials but arguing for your limitations just keeps them in place. Notice that denial = loss every time. It’s a surer bet than death, taxes and gravity rolled into one.

Just noticing that you’re denying is often the first step in any recovery model. Here’s a very personal example:

I was in denial for over 10 years that my wife left me. The game I played was that she really didn’t want to leave and would be coming back at some point. Refusing to recognize her departure as real kept me in denial and kept me in pain. Finally noticing my denial opened the door to reality and I stopped losing at that game.

If you’re looking for more wins in life, notice what you’re denying. Noticing will open the door to unseen opportunities that were previously blocked from view by the blinders of denial. Now that the door is open, all you have to do to get a win is to walk through and leave denial behind.

All the best,

John