The Grasshopper had this to say yesterday: “If there are no problems, there are no solutions.”

It seemed a bit cryptic to me until I let it settle for a bit.
Here’s what I interpret it to mean: If I don’t think I have a problem, then no solution is necessary.

Here’s my experience: People with problems who don’t recognize them as problems will not seek a solution. It may be clear to anyone but them that there’s a problem, but until they recognize it, there is little hope a solution will ever be found.

How do we get them to notice and acknowledge there’s a problem? I wish I knew. It’s especially upsetting if the person is close to you.

I can tell you from experience that repeatedly telling them there’s a problem is ineffective. After a while, it just engages their polarity response to your assertion. So what can you do?

Again, I don’t have an answer but I know the answer that doesn’t work – “facting” them to death. They’re smart enough to take in the facts you’ve repeatedly offered. They’ve just chosen to discount, deny or ignore them.

I also know from experience that you’re not going to change anyone who doesn’t think they need to change. The change has to come from them. The reality mindset that we have to evolve to for our peace of mind in these situations is this: They will either change or they won’t.

You’ve led this horse to water too many times to count and they have yet to bathe in your pond of reflection. The only mindset that will work for you and me at this stage is to accept their rejection.

They will figure it out or they won’t. That’s the reality we refuse to face. It’s not giving up; it’s finally giving them the un-opinionated space to figure it out on their own, or not.

Helplessness is our most overwhelming fear. To outgrow that feeling it’s helpful for us to recognize that we will never change anyone who doesn’t want to be changed because it’s totally up to them to get their life rearranged.

All the best,

John