I think everyone can admit to having a demon or two but my sense is that none is more limiting than the Demon of Denial.

We all deny and I’m sure I’m not the first to recognize that “deny” does more than rhyme with “lie”; they’re interchangable.

So what’s the big lie that we deny? It’s that we had anything to do with our current lot in life.

As long as we deny that we’re not part of the problem, the solution lies out there somewhere.

I’m reminded of the Byron Katie quote from her book Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life: “As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”—as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim, that you’re suffering in paradise.”

The problem and the solution are not anywhere but where you are now. You’ll avoid the solution as long as you contend that what’s going on with you has nothing to do with what you’ve done. That’s the Demon of Denial in full costume.

Notice how quickly we accept responsibility for something that came out smelling like a rose but are quick to abdicate our part in a situation that smells like an elephant fart.

The elephant in the room is the Demon of Denial.

Talk with any AA counselor and you’ll find their hardest job is to get an alcohol abuser past the denial that alcohol is interfering with the quality of their life. The same is true with abusers of all sorts. If you abuse your body with any sort of overconsumption and deny you had anything to do with the results, your demon has taken you over and your situation remains as Katie says, “hopeless.”

The only hope you have to getting to a solution is to dissolve your denial.

That starts with the bold notion that we play a part in everything that goes on in our life. Have you ever been fired from a job? Notice that the last line you’ll utter is, “It was my fault.”

Did you play any part in your dismissal? Divorce? Disease? Or detriment of any sort? if you answered “no,” it will remain problematic and an unsolved mystery to you.

When we remove ourselves from cause and effect, the effect is denial – a demon that keeps us in place.

Pretend you are an actor who had a cameo role in a bad movie but repeatedly deny, to whomever will listen, that you were ever in it. The evidence is there for anyone to see except those still hanging on to denial.

When you admit that you’re part of the problem, the weight of the problem lessens and the search for a solution begins. You’ll never take the first step towards a solution until you get the devil to stop denying the details.

All the best,

John