To reach someone, you often have to get below their level of conditioning. It’s not an easy task.

Observe any adult argument about opposing beliefs and, if you look closely, you will see one’s conditioning fighting with another’s. The chances of them reaching one another are highly improbable.

The reason the military prefers young recruits for enlisted positions is because they are not yet fully conditioned. They are more easily conditioned than someone just a few years older – easier to get through to with the regimented, military method of doing things.

So how do you get past people’s conditioning? You can try and reason with them or you can “fact them” to death, but those strategies have long odds for success.

To reach someone, you have to reach their emotions, not their intellect.

Ask any successful copywriter, screen writer, or gifted teacher how they get through and the answer is not with an assault of facts. They’ll give the conditioned intellect enough to keep it occupied but most of their success happens below conditioning.

Your emotions fuel your beliefs. If you can adjust the emotions, the beliefs will follow in lockstep.

Look at any public service announcement on TV for mistreated dogs or starving children. Do they regale you with the facts and the reasons for these happenings? No, they present, emotional, visible evidence that bypasses your intellect and causes you to feel. They get below your conditioning of “not to give” and then issue a call to action to call now and give.

So, what if you are not a trained persuader, how do you get through? Your chances get better when you present from your emotions, not your reasoning. Warning: Don’t make a false, emotional argument; they’re transparent. Be real. When you become real, you have a better chance of making another feel.

Your facts can be argued all day when you reason. When you talk to another about your feelings, they can’t be disputed by them because they belong to you. If you need a formula, try the one I learned from Jerry Stocking: “When you do X, I feel Y.” “When you don’t call me when you’re on the road, I feel you don’t care about me.” That’s a far cry from the argument starting, “You never call me from the road and never think about me when you’re away.”

Your facts and figures will always be there when you need them, so set them aside when you want to get through. Unless you want to stay farther apart, speak from your heart.

All the best,

John