I went on a blind date a number of years ago and after returning home I reflected on the evening and had this realization: I didn’t laugh once.

What a sad realization that was. Here I was in communication with another human being for a few hours and not once did I laugh. It was the first and last date we had.

I like to laugh. I look for opportunities to make others laugh, but this night the cricket choir was chirping.

It would be too easy to lay the blame at the feet of my date, but it was deeper than that. I know from experience that you have to bring the party with you in order to party. That wasn’t the case. I was fully prepared to put myself out there and see what happened, yet nothing happened.

As I dissected this experience further, I found the culprit – Judgement.

From the minute I arrived, I was in my head judging this person, judging everything about them. The worst part was that I thought my judgements were “true.” And when something is true, it gives it more gravity, more seriousness.

I made a discovery that night – Judgement and laughter can’t occupy the same space.

My judgements were getting in the way of my good time. They were also messing with my communication skills.

This phenomenon of absence of laughter in the face of judgements applies to all communication, not just dating. There is a lot less communication going on when laughter is kept outside the room, and judgement is the bouncer.

Judgements serve a purpose, but when your only purpose is to judge there is a lot less communicating going on and a lot less laughter.

If you find yourself being far too serious, take a moment to see if you’re in full-blown judgement mode. And if you are, just stop and take a moment to laugh at what an ass you’re being.

Here’s the bumper sticker: Judge Less, Laugh More.

All the best,

John