There are many careers that are short-lived. Professional gamblers and NFL running backs immediately come to mind. The average career of a professional running back is about 5 years; professional gamblers even less.

Talk to these people and many of them will regale you with their successes. If they were really that successful, their career would have lasted much longer. The point is that we and they, when looking back, sort for more of the successes.

Really, who wants to sort for the failures? The stand-up comedian, who now works as a greeter at Wal-Mart, doesn’t turn to his wife at the Christmas party and say, “Tell them about the night they booed me off stage.”

If we examine our successes and failures a bit more closely, they’re a lot closer in number. My friend Jerry Stocking calls this phenomenon, “Ignoring the downside.” His point is that you are ignoring about 50% of your life.

That part of you that you are ignoring will ignore your cold shoulder and just hang around. It needs to be acknowledged and felt before it will leave you alone.

It’s easy to embrace the upside but our prickly parts need a hug too.

This isn’t about dwelling on your losses; it’s just a reminder to include them when they knock on your door. To do otherwise will have them hang out on the front porch ’til the cows come home waiting for your autograph.

Don’t chase the feeling of a loss away; it will only return another day. Feel the loss as fully as you feel any success. It will prevent you from living in the past and leave you in a state of acceptance for whatever the present moment brings.

You cannot not accept reality. Not accepting what is real is magical thinking on parade. Successes and failures are real and they need to be embraced before they find their proper place in your memory bank. Reminds me of a story . . .

My stepfather was a lovable loser. He was a gregarious bartender, bookie, amateur chef and bullshit artist all rolled into one. He went from job to job. He was in the habit of boldly predicting things that he claimed would happen and when they didn’t, which was most of the time, he quietly ignored his prediction. But on the rare occasion one of his pronouncements came true, he would turn to my mother in mixed company and say in his outside voice, “Didn’t I call that shot, Lil?”

You may have called a shot or two in your life too but you’ve also been shot down more than you care to admit. It’s not like you have to announce it to the whole world but you do have to admit it to yourself. It keeps the past from staying present and gives you the gift of acceptance – the key to balancing an up and down life.

All the best,

John