Is there someone you are uncomfortable around? I’m certain the answer is “Yes” for most of us.

What I find is that we immediately cite reasons for why we are uncomfortable around this individual. That only justifies the discomfort and keeps it in place.

I would be the first to tell you to refrain getting comfortable around an ax murderer, but most of the people we feel discomfort towards don’t fit that description.

“She’s just not my cup of tea” is an old refrain that keeps us safe within our borders again.

I’m not suggesting that you put these people on your Christmas card list or hang out with them; just make an effort to get closer to them and see what they’re really like when they’re not at arm’s length.

You will make two discoveries:

1. You’ll learn more about the person that goes deeper than your defenses will ever take you.

2. You will learn more about yourself.

Even if you’re not feeling altruistic, do it for the selfish reason of finding out more about you.

You already know what your prejudices about this person are; so now you can dig deeper and find other parts of you that you would have never known except for this exercise in reaching out. Reminds me of a story . . .

Years ago I was at a workshop and met a man I instantly disliked. I couldn’t cite anything concrete; I just knew I didn’t like him. Turns out that he felt the same way about me. The seminar leader suggested that we get together outside of the seminar environment and explore each other. We went to breakfast together the next morning.

It was uncomfortable . . . until we decided to poke past discomfort and discover more about each other and ourselves.

His life story was compelling. I found out more about him over breakfast than he had shared with people in years. The same was true for me. I brought up things about me that hadn’t seen the light of day in years, and certainly never shared with “strangers.”

It was a powerful exercise in getting past discomfort that revealed lessons for both of us.

We didn’t become pen pals or Facebook friends but we did dispel the discomfort and discovered each other’s humanity as a result. I also found out deeper parts of me that I may have never found had I remained uncomfortable.

Here’s the lesson I learned: You will find more of your depth when you explore others. It simply takes getting comfortable with discomfort.

All the best,

John