In or Out
When I was a kid, I know I heard this phrase hundreds of times: In or out! In fact, I’m sure as a parent I’ve used it, at least, that many times.
It wasn’t a question; it was a command to stop coming in and out of the house so frequently. “You’re letting the flies in; in or out!” Pick one and stick with it for awhile was the communication’s intent.
In or out has a new meaning for me now. It’s about my attention. Is it in or is it out?
Once our intellect forms, our attention is in for the most part. That means we do a lot of talking to ourselves in our head. Our attention is inside on our thoughts rather than outside on what’s right in front of us.
You can’t have your attention inside and outside at the same time. It’s one or the other – in or out.
Our attention is like a couch potato; it spends too much time inside. We need to get it out more.
Like many other changes in behavior, it takes some noticing to get the ball rolling. Notice where your attention is. Is it in or out? Once you notice, you can opt for the other.
How often have you heard someone or yourself say, “I can’t stop thinking about it.” Where’s your attention at that moment? It’s inside. The lame prescription usually offered is something like this: “You have to stop thinking about that.” That’s a directive without direction.
Here’s an exercise to do anytime you are trapped inside. Put your attention on anything outside of you. If you are driving in the car and driving yourself crazy with your internal musings, give your attention to the Home Depot sign for a moment. Notice the colors, the shape, the letter spacing. It only takes a split second to notice. Or notice the window or bumper sticker on the car in front of you or the goofy dog with its head hanging out the window. All of these demand that your attention come out.
The benefit is that you have freed yourself from the noise inside, if only for a moment. Shift your attention outward often enough and you’ll break the pattern of staying inside too often. Outward attention gives your mind the relief it needs from an internal pounding.
You will feel lighter the more often you remember to bring your attention out. The next time you notice yourself inside and it’s not a pleasant visit, shift your attention to anything outside of you. That doesn’t mean think about the thing outside of you; that’s just more inside activity. Actually give your full attention to something outside. It could be a cereal box or a bird on a branch – anything outside of you that you can notice with intent. That’s outward attention.
if you really want to find out a lot more about your attention, get to a course with my friend Jerry Stocking. He will get you past the hand holding stage with your attention and have you turn it into a deep relationship.
If you are suffering by your own hand, meaning that you are inside with your dusty thoughts, bring your attention out and notice something, anything. It’s such an easy thing to do and the reward is instant – you get outside of the dread going on inside your head.
All the best,
John
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