No Room
I watched a video earlier this week of a person asking for help with their problem. They didn’t know what their problem was but presented all sorts of symptoms in hopes of getting an answer.
Here’s my experience in giving “answers”: They usually are not accepted when there is no room for them. The person may give lip service to what a spot-on remedy you’ve provided, but they will not, for any length of time, take the prescription.
The barring of the solution door is caused by self-absorption.
In my experience, the hardest people to help are those who are self-absorbed. That means that there is no room in them for anything or anyone else.
They’re not “bad” people – just singularly focused on keeping their attention on themselves. It’s as though no one else exists except as an obstacle or an inconvenience to their stated desires.
They are horrible in relationships because they have no room for anyone but them.
They don’t relate well because their attention only comes out as a convenience or a prop to get what they want. They just don’t freely give their attention away.
Attention is a human elixir and we all are seeking it. When your attention consistently stays in, you rob yourself of the exchange that is necessary for a bond to form. You can’t live on your own attention. The practice is limiting and it’s the cause of your often cited problems.
Don’t confuse lack of attention with selfishness. Many self-absorbed people will give out their services and skills freely but their attention stays locked in a vault.
Having relationship problems? Assess your attention. If you do an unbiased inspection, you will find that your attention stays home and only comes out as a quid pro quo.
It’s like the person who gives money to charity for a tax advantage rather than from the milk of human kindness.
Make a practice of giving your attention away to another for no good reason. Make room for them by giving them your attention with no strings attached and watch the bond strengthen.
When you make room for other ideas and other people, you become roomier and discover the ultimate secret of attention: When you send it out, it comes back.
All the best,
John
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