Comfort Zone
The Grasshopper offered up a tidbit in the wee hours this morning: “You’re all alone in your comfort zone.”
It was immediately apparent that this message had nothing to do with comfort and all to do with being stuck.
If you’re stuck in your comfort zone, you’re truly in a rut.
Our comfort zones are patterns of behavior that contain a lot of inertia that cause us lots of discomfort.
The being all alone part became clear as well. These are our patterns. They belong to no one else but us. We can certainly assign blame to others for our patterns, but at the end of the day we’re the ones going home with them.
So to recap, we have an assortment of patterns that are causing us pain, are unique to us, that we blame others for, and we relabel these ruts as our comfort zone.
Pure and simple, patterns are ruts. The discussion then becomes: “Are you a good witch or a bad witch?” It seems that the ruts that keep us from recognizing we’re in one are the bad ones.
There are telltale signs of being in a “bad” rut. These are the ones we defend to the high heavens or deflect conversation about. We all have our own version of “That’s just the way I am.”
That’s just the way we’re patterned is much closer to the truth. And our strategy for blaming others or citing circumstances doesn’t seem to be working to extricate us from this pit.
If you are looking for comfort in the fact that other people are stuck too, you’ve missed The Grasshopper’s wisdom of being all alone. These are your patterns and no one else’s. They are unique to you and require your attention to free yourself from their gravitational pull.
Noticing that you’re stuck is a beginning. It’s amazing how we put blinders on to our level of stuck-ness. Once you notice, it’s time to notice again and again. Noticing a pattern and repeatedly giving it our full attention, if only for a moment or two, is enough of a catalyst to break through.
One problem I have with traditional counseling is that the obvious is rarely stated – It’s your problem to solve. Others may have the same problem, but you’re alone with yours and no one is going to solve it but you.
Solving begins by noticing and then giving your unique situation repeated attention. Attention doesn’t mean commentary. No “alas” or “woe is me” allowed. Attention means noticing exactly what’s going on without judgement. There is silence in this cone of attention – just pure observation without recrimination.
It’s in this space that you discover you’re really not alone, and it’s here that you’ll escape your comfort zone.
All the best,
John
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