Eureka! I have found the secret formula. “Of what?” you may ask.

I have found the tried and true, works every time, secret formula for frustration.

Anytime you want to guarantee frustration, follow this formula: Pretend that things shouldn’t be the way they are.

The gap between where things ought to be and where they are exists almost always. The way we approach spanning that gap will determine our level of self-induced frustration.

The more we focus on the enormity of the gap, the more frustration we get. The key is to recognize the gap and then form an incremental plan for closing it.

To prove the premise, think back on a time when you experienced prolonged frustration. If you examine that time carefully, you will find that your mind was focused on what shouldn’t be rather than what was actually happening. The language you used contained some of these words: Should, shouldn’t, ought to, must, have to, and the like. These are words that keep you locked in frustration.

A helpful way for assessing the gap is to assign a number to it on a scale of 1 to 10 – 1 being the worst and 10 being the best. Suppose you assess the gap as a 5 and you want to jump to 10 in one step. You have now insured more guaranteed frustration into your life. A less frazzled approach is necessary. The plan that closes the gap quicker and with less frustration is figuring out how to get from a 5 to a 6. It’s a much more manageable piece. Once successful with that step, you can go on to the next step, one step at a time.

But before you can formulate a plan, you have to recognize how you keep yourself stuck. Here is a strong dose of medicine that’s hard to swallow but extremely effective: You are the cause of your frustration; no one else, just you. It’s not your parents, your spouse, your teacher, your job, your boss, your lover, your friend, some family member or your enemy. Your biggest obstacle is you pretending what is shouldn’t be.

The longer you hold that position, the longer you remain frustrated. Action is frustration’s biggest foe and will defeat it every time, as long as it follows a detailed, step-by-step plan.

If you are frustrated about your relationship, job, lot in life, or anything else, find out where you are on the scale, not where you ought to be, and then put together a workable plan. What needs to happen to get to the next number? Find out and then take the step if you truly want to step away from frustration.

Here is my unofficial assessment: The bulk of the population will choose to stay in never-never land where “should and ought to” are the operative words preached in the daily gospel. Piss and moan will rule the day inviting frustration in for an extended stay.

Got frustration? Get real!

All the best,

John

JOHN MORGAN COACHING
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