GrasshopperNotes.com - Thoughts for inspired living


May 24, 2011

Lingering Drama

Filed under: John Morgan's Blog — John Morgan @ 9:07 am

One of the biggest lies we have bought into is: MY STORY IS DIFFERENT.

No it’s not. It’s the same as everyone else’s.

Notice how you bristle when you hear that yours is not different.

The content of your story may be different, but the drama and pain that stems from it is the same.

Do you hurt more than another when a similar circumstance happens to you? People make a case for that position all the time. “You think that hurt, well let me tell you about the time that Bobby . . .”

The one-upmanship story telling feeds drama.

Drama comes about when you buy into the illusion that your story is better, worse, or more important than another’s. This false sense of importance is what keeps the story being retold and keeps the drama alive long past its shelf date.

“No one hurts like I do or was wronged the way I was” is the driving force that keeps the story alive and keeps us trapped by drama and keeps us hurting.

Years ago I went through a divorce that was painful. Millions of people at that very same time were going through divorces, but mine was different, or so I thought.

I remember having a conversation with a boyhood friend whose wife had also moved on. I remember thinking that he didn’t love his wife as much as I loved mine and therefore his story was not on the same level as mine. Mine was more important. The words I forgot to put at the end of that sentence were “To me.” My story was more important to me.

It’s the “more important than anyone else’s” belief that keeps us telling and retelling our story, and it keeps our drama alive.

We are attempting to alleviate our pain through our never ending storytelling and we haven’t stopped to notice that it isn’t working.

If you pay attention to the people you are telling your story to for the hundredth time, you will notice them stifling a yawn. This includes your best friend, your family members and your therapist.

It’s more productive to feel your hurt than it is to tell your story again.

Feeling your hurt begins with eliminating the word “Because” from your situation. Your situation is “I am hurting.” Please notice the period at the end of that sentence. “I am hurting, period.”

“I am hurting because” takes you back to “Story-land” and Story-land is filled with never ending drama and life-long pain.

Addressing your hurt begins by locating the sensation in your body and sitting with it – not talking it over in your head again.

When you are hurting, no matter what the cause, there is a part of your body being affected. The sensation will most often show up somewhere between your head and your bowels along the midline of your body.

When you notice the sensation associated with your hurt and keep your focus on it, you will notice something transformative happen. You will begin to metabolize your hurt. That means it begins to dissipate. When you locate the sensation in your body, the temptation is to talk about the cause of it in your head. Resist that temptation and stay focused on the sensation in your body. This is how transformation begins.

It takes more effort to sit with your hurt than it does to share your pain through story again, but the results are worth the effort.

This is not a recommendation to silently suffer in your head; it’s an action to take to alleviate pain.

You’ll never talk your way out of pain no matter how convincing you are or how important your story is. You can, however, feel yourself out of pain.

If you think you need help with your pain, by all means consult a professional counselor. Just don’t fall into the trap that constantly talking about your feelings puts you in touch with your feelings. The opposite is true; it keeps you distant from them.

Drama and pain are synonymous. If you keep telling your story, you’ll have a lifetime supply of both of them.

All the best,

John

 



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