Here is one of life’s signposts: When what was in common becomes uncommon, a fork in the road forms.

It’s here that you either find new common ground or walk unaccompanied along a new path.

It happens to us all but we don’t recognize it’s happening, and then we wonder how it happened.

Think of someone you used to be dear friends with in junior high or high school. Now the only time you see them is at the class reunion. You may live in the same city, have kids that attend the same school, but there’s no connection. There was no major rift, just a gentle drifting apart.

No one noticed it was happening, but now it’s an unmistakable fact. You have little in common. You walked different paths without noticing.

Marriage is where we seem to notice least.

How can a joyous union with “’til death do us part” vows turn into a major row?

In common became uncommon and no one noticed.

There may be other specific issues that cause us to walk another path, but for the most part the cause is “commonly uncommon.”

A values shift has occurred. Either one or both people had their common values shift rungs on the ladder.

When common values become uncommon, a split is in the making.

It’s easy to get into the “who’s right” argument here, but that’s just dust covering what’s really at issue – a shift in common values.

Many couples renew their vows on special anniversaries. My sense is they would do better to review their values.

We don’t keep up with the times. We just assume that the way it was is the way it is. It rarely is.

Human beings are dynamic creatures. Not noticing that and failing to adjust will leave you at the crossroads.

The time to notice is always now. It seems we are all experts in noticing in hindsight. It would be useful to take that skill and bring it into the present.

Nothing is granted, and when we take that viewpoint, common ground gets shaky.

Not valuing what’s valuable to another is a lack of appreciation for their individuality. A friend, a spouse, a lover, a family member cannot be cast into a static mold. When you regularly take the time to find what’s important to them, you have an opportunity to adjust. If that adjustment is something you just can’t make, you then have choices.

Failure to recognize and take stock is cheating yourself out of choice; it will be made for you.

We live in uncommon times simply because we fail to notice.

Find out what’s important to the important people in your life and explore what you have in common. It’s just common sense.

All the best,

John

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