The word “Intimacy” has taken on a sexual persona over the years. That’s too bad because it’s so much more.

“Closeness” has been so overshadowed by its sensual sibling that we forget what it’s like to be really intimate.

Intimacy creates a bond and it engenders trust even after the volume has been turned down on lust.

Intimacy has transparency as one of its major ingredients. You trust your secrets to someone you are intimate with, no matter how dark.

I think very few people experience intimacy in this lifetime because they are too caught up on the surface to capture the depth of it.

People fear intimacy. It’s hard for most to let people see into their glass house that they keep nestled in the woods. The fear is being found out. That fear keeps our façade in place so no one else can explore our depth.

You would think you would become intimate with your mate. The evidence points in the other direction.

There’s a reason that 50% of marriages fail. It’s not because people found out too much about one another; they found out too little. They feared going deep with another because of the underlying fear that said, “If you really knew me, you wouldn’t like me.” Therefore that part of you stays clothed.

It’s fascinating to witness a person tell a total stranger their intimate secrets rather than share them with their partner. It happens every day.

There is too much work going on in relationships – work to keep your secrets hidden. When both of you do the same kind of work, you erect your castle on a foundation of sand. It’s only a matter of time before a big wave hits and exposes your relationship’s weakness – the failure to become intimate.

Intimate relationships survive storms; façades fall to the ground.

How hard are you working to keep your secrets? Here’s the arithmetic: The more you keep hidden, the less intimacy you experience.

How open can you be? It’s truly the key to intimacy.

All the best,

John

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