Lonely
I am currently not in relationship with anyone and haven’t been for awhile. That causes some people to ask or wonder if I am lonely.
The answer I give is that I am alone. That’s a far cry from lonely. Alone is a fact; lonely is a state of mind.
Lonely is an emotion – a conversation you are having with yourself that is causing certain sensations in your body. You would have to mind read, as the NLP people would say, to make the leap from alone to lonely when assessing another.
We’ve all been lonely. It’s part of the human conditioning to feel separate and apart when we find ourselves alone. Reminds me of a story . . .
20 some years ago I worked with a fellow who was about the age I am now. We were attending a bachelor party for one of the guys we worked with. I knew that this man dated and I also knew he was never married and lived alone. I asked him if he ever thought of getting married and he said that he did years back but it wasn’t likely for him now. I was curious and asked him what made him think that. I remember his answer. He said, “I Know that being in a relationship means making room for someone else in your life, and I’m comfortable with the way things are, and I don’t think I’m capable of clearing that space. I don’t think it would be fair to them.”
His honesty was refreshing. He wasn’t lonely. He chose to be alone.
Loneliness is a direct derivative of separateness. When you assess yourself as a separate entity from others, you will have bouts of loneliness. When you recognize the connection you have with all humanity, then loneliness ceases to be an option. This connectedness is a sacred feeling that contains “the peace that passes all understanding.”
If you are feeling lonely, I encourage you to explore your connection with everything that exists. It’s a never ending nexus where loneliness cannot survive.
All the best,
John
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