Dear Santa,

How’s it hangin’? Now that I have your attention Santa, I am truly serious about this year’s Christmas requests.

As always, I am mindful that you may not be able to get me all that I want, but every effort will be appreciated.

My list begins with what I don’t want.

Please Santa, have TV and movie moguls refrain from using the two following scenes anymore:

1. Car chases.
2. Bomb diffusion.

I’m sure most people could die a happy death without seeing another car chase, so, please make them go the way. Think of all the gas it would save.

And hasn’t the countdown timer on the bomb scene, and that tricky, action plot of which wire to cut been done? Blow them to smithereens, Santa.

On a lighter note, please keep the cute dog videos coming on social media. I get my virtual dose of oxytocin every time I see one.

Also, could you deliver a lifetime supply of GERITOL to Tom Brady’s house. I want him to play football forever. I’m such a fanboy.

And please tell soccer fans I don’t get any kicks from them correcting me when I don’t call it “football.”

And finally, Santa, can you have the reality TV show producers come up with a new show?: America’s Stupidest Politician. Each week they could have contestants compete for the coveted title. They have such a large field to pick from and I’m sure it would be a fan favorite.

As always, Santa, thank you for reading my letter. I would have written it in cursive, but many of your younger elves would think it was a foreign language.

Love Always,
LJ (Little Johnnie)

Hear the recorded version below.