I have a theory about angry men, not men who get angry, but those in a perpetual state of pique.

To me, it comes down to one word: Emasculation.

Angry men feel weakened and the only way to chase away that feeling, if only for a time, is to get angry.

Emasculation is depriving a man of his identity or role. No one can actually take it from you, but that doesn’t keep some men from being angry over the perceived theft.

Yes, some men may have modeled angry behavior from a parent or care giver but the thing that keeps feeding the fire is “not feeling like a man.”

Just look at your male friends on Facebook who issue ongoing diatribes about the way it should be. You can feel the anger. They’re feeling emasculated – unable to do anything but rant.

Part of the male persona is due to conditioning. “Big boys don’t cry” comes to mind. Military recruitment taps into this emasculated mindset to populate its ranks. “Be a man my son” is a directive without direction. So with no clear path to manhood, many men feel inept, which generates anger.

I don’t have a solution just the observation. It’s my experience that observing one’s anger, while it’s happening, is a step towards relieving the hostile feelings. Noticing that you have anger within you will get you to metabolize those feelings much quicker than justifying your anger with a rant.

I guess I could reduce this to a bumper sticker: Real Men don’t Rant, but that would only point out the problem rather than solve it.

My recommendation is to notice your state of mind more often. Just the act of noticing interrupts the behavior and in that space between your angry thoughts can come a solution. Let’s call it “Emasculation Emancipation.”

All the best,

John