The Grasshopper woke me up with an old theme in a new suit of clothes: “If you want to go somewhere new, put in the past what happened to you.”

There is a reason we keep telling our same traumatic stories. We are attempting to communicate the pain we’re enduring so you can know how much we’re still hurting.

Others will never feel your pain no matter how descriptive your adjectives. That’s because it’s your pain, not theirs. Not only that, we revisit the emotional pain of the past with each telling.

This is more than saying, “forget about it” or “move on.” Those are directives without directions.

There is a tried and true method of easing the pain of the past. Stop telling your story. I’m reminded of the words of my photography instructor Peter Hurley when he hears one of his students telling the person in front of their camera to smile: “STOP IT NOW!”

Teeth whitening works. You go to the dentist, have a procedure done and leave with follow-up instructions to make sure the transformation happens. You got great advice but you may not follow instructions and remain in a state of pale yellow. If you really want your teeth whiter, you have to do the homework.

Our homework is to interrupt ourselves when we begin to tell our story again. With each interruption, we outgrow the habit of telling our tale of woe. The benefit is we feel less pain than if we tell it again.

It takes practice to do something that’s seems counterintuitive. I’m reminded of taking Aikido instruction years ago. We were instructed to step into the attack rather than retreat from it. That meant that we had to blend with our attacker’s force and use it against them by moving in smaller circles than them. It takes some courage and practice to move towards rather than away to neutralize an attack. Make no mistake, you are retreating with each iteration of your story allowing it to live for another, painful day.

Want to neutralize attacks and smile brighter more often? Stop telling your story!

All the best,

John