Where do you find comfort? What a great question to explore.

I watched Stephen Colbert interview Vice President Joe Biden and it was crystal clear to me or anyone paying attention that the Vice President, who has seen more than his share of personal tragedy, draws a lot of comfort from his faith.

For some people, faith leaves them cold. They find comfort elsewhere.

The where isn’t important; the finding is.

We all need to be comforted. Even the most stoic among us, need a shoulder to dampen or a safe haven to go to when storms are swirling.

Here’s what I have learned from experience: If you are forever lobbying for your method of comfort to anyone who will listen, you really haven’t found comfort; you just talk about it.

I have yet to encounter anyone who has knocked on my door proselytizing who was coming from a place of comfort. My sense is that they are still seeking it and peddling something they don’t own.

I find the people I’m most comfortable around are the ones who are comfortable within their own skin. Their comfort has a way of generating comfort within another.

Here’s a suggestion: If you are seeking comfort, hang around people who are comfortable. It will begin to rub off. If they’re famous and inaccessible, read their works; watch their videos – the effect is the same.

13 years ago I had the following experience that I’ve written about before which addresses one way of offering comfort:

“I was attending a 7 day workshop where there were two days off in the middle to process the teachings. One of the off days was to be a day of silence. You were asked not to speak for an entire day. You had to interact with the world and your classmates without speaking for a 24 hour period. One of the women came to our cabin to visit on one of the off days and it was my day for silence. She had her day of silence the day before and was able to speak. She began to chat on about this and that and then began to offer up a painful situation in her life. I listened with curiosity at first and then shifted into a state of presence where I had no internal chatter of my own – just full attention to her and the moment. The results were extraordinary. She had a bout of tears and an emotional release and then came over and gave me a big hug. She said she hadn’t felt this good in 10 years. What did I do? I offered no sage advice. I just provided a space she could rest in.”

Just to be clear, comfort isn’t anything like numbing yourself; that just delays your discomfort and has it come back stronger.

Finding your place of comfort is really finding yourself – the you beneath all the window dressing. Once you discover that, you’ll find comfort wherever you are.

All the best,

John