The Grasshopper offered this “for adult eyes only” tip: “Outgrowing is growing up.”

Many years ago I was introduced to a phrase by the man who taught me the seminar business. He would say, “Outgrow the old way and grow into a new way.”

I took that to mean that severe, monastic changes are less likely to stay in place. Change is a growth process that takes place over time.

Apply that notion to bringing up children. It seems our job is to get them from a complete stage of dependency to independence in X amount of years. It doesn’t always happen on our timetable.

For me, I didn’t grow up until I was in my 30s. I was married and had a family and tons of responsibilities that I tended to, but part of me was still an “I don’t see the big picture,” resistant teen. I hadn’t outgrown the patterns that kept me immature.

It’s my experience that you have to notice the patterns you want to outgrow before growing up can begin. People can point them out to you, but that’s not as successful as noticing them on your own.

Sometimes it takes a seminal event to get you to notice. For me, it was the death of my father-in-law. I didn’t realize it until he died that I owned the pattern that he would be there to take care of my wife and our children if I fell on my face and couldn’t provide for them. He was my safety net.

I noticed my pattern that sad day and began the process of outgrowing the old way and growing into a new way, long before I even heard that phrase.

Here’s what I discovered on my path to growing up: Resistance is a telltale sign of immaturity that will keep your patterns in place. What is it that you’re resisting? That’s what needs to be outgrown in order to grow up.

Reflect on the question and you will discover, in due course, what it is you need to outgrow.

Asking “What am I resisting?” will open your eyes to a growth plan that, if followed, will get you a seat at the adult table.

All the best,

John