Yesterday I was at the beach, and with my toes properly nestled into the wet sand at the water’s edge, I heard The Grasshopper ask, “What are you giving up to be you?”

There is a price to pay for keeping who we “think” we are polished and on display. I’m not sure we’ve ever done the arithmetic, because if we did we’d have the answer to the question: What does being you cost you?

We regularly give up our peace of mind and our enjoyment of life in order to prop up something that has the stability of a sandcastle – our false notion of who we are.

We are giving up precious resources in order to maintain a way of life that’s not working.

We create pain for ourselves every day by justifying that it be “my” way.

Is your way working? The answer is “No” if you are regularly feeling pain about your choices. That pain reoccurs every time you choose a course of action that justifies making another addition to your sandcastle.

You simply can’t afford to be you. You’ll eventually go bankrupt and be swept out to sea.

Being you is a costly venture that pays no dividends, other than saying, “I’m right.”

What are you giving up to be you? Relationships? Connectedness? Your Life?

You’ll know you are buying into a way of life you can’t afford when you count up the justifications you attempt to pay for it with.

The more justifications you have, the less life you have. Another way to ask what The Grasshopper asked is: What justifications do you need to give up to enjoy a fuller life?

I’m sure an old cowboy once said, “When you stick to your guns you eventually shoot yourself in the foot.” If your justifications are glued to you, you have found the price you are paying for your pain.

Today’s Reflection: Are you are giving up the fullness of life in order to be you?

All the best,

John

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Have you ever watched people in a market test for the ripeness of a fruit or vegetable? The strategies are varied and go from A to Z – Avocado to Zucchini.

How do we know something is ripe and ready for picking in our own life?

We frequently pick too early or wait too long and have it die on the vine.

So how do we know the moment when something is worth acting on and ready to be picked?

Very similar to our watermelon ritual – It looks, sounds and feels right.

Quite often we get caught up in the looks and sounds department and forget to notice the feeling sense.

My experience is that the feeling sense is the strongest indicator of ripeness, yet it’s the one we use the least.

If it doesn’t feel right, the shiny looks can be deceiving. If something sounds too good to be true, it’s your gut that will let you know for sure.

The key to checking for ripeness is to check with your gut. This isn’t an intellectual conversation or a debate; it’s a physical measurement of how something feels.

We all have a feeling sense, we just don’t pay attention to it often enough. It may not have the eye appeal our intellect so appreciates, but it is the workhorse when it comes to a fruitful harvest.

It takes more than luck to know when to pluck; it takes guts.

Happy Summer Picking!

All the best,

John

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If you’ve ever raised children or taught children, you are familiar with the “Look what I can do” stage. It’s the child seeking attention and the vehicle they use is showing you what they are capable of.

I contend that “Look what I can do” extends well past childhood and the objective is the same – to seek attention.

In an adult, it may be referred to as “Showing off,” “Bragging” or “Holding Court.”

If you are forever seeking attention, you have not placed enough attention on yourself. You haven’t yet made the transition from “Look what I can do” to “Look what can be done.”

When you place enough attention on yourself, you don’t need as much from the outside and this allows you to go from performer to teacher.

The great teachers don’t advertise “Look what I can do;” that’s just a great showman.

Great teachers put the emphasis on what can be done, and the greatest of the great teach this: “Look what you can do.”

There is a stage in life where you need to capture peoples’ attention. It’s a way of getting them to notice you in a crowded field. But if attention seeking becomes a way of life, you will never find enough to fill you up. You’ll always go from one audition to another seeking a stage on which to perform until you reach the closing act.

The sooner we make the transition from “Look what I can do” to “Look what can be done” or better, the sooner we get to pay something forward, rather than take it to our grave.

We have sufficient attention on ourselves when we effortlessly use our skills to help others find out what they can do. We have discovered that seeking attention solely for ourselves is a one-way street to feeling incomplete.

If you don’t feel you’re getting enough attention, make the effort to help someone else find what they can do. It will generate enough attention to fill the both of you.

All the best,

John

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When I was in broadcasting, I had numerous opportunities to go backstage with many musical stars. It gave me a richer experience of the performer and their performance.

In our life, we have the opportunity to go backstage every day, but we don’t because we have forgotten we have a backstage pass.

We get to experience the performance, but we miss out on the whole experience which makes our performance possible.

Our life story is like a collection of songs we sing. The songs define who we are, just like our collection of memories defines who we are.

But when you go backstage, you get to see the performer from another angle. They don’t have to be “On” all the time and you get a glimpse of them past their ability to perform.

It’s a lot quieter backstage and this atmosphere is the breeding ground that allows the performance to be filled with energy.

Reminds me of a story . . .

A number of years ago, I was up late and saw the David Letterman Show. His musical guest was Todd Rundgren who played one of his biggest hits, “I Saw The Light.” It was clear to me that Todd was just going through the moves. I hallucinated that he had sung this song hundreds of times and the verve for it was gone, yet he continued to sing it because that’s what people wanted.

Compare that to a song the late Ricky Nelson sang in the early 70’s called, “Garden Party.” Ricky had a TV and musical career in the 50s and early 60s and had a string of hit songs. The song “Garden Party” was autobiographical in nature. It recounted a personal revelation he received after a performance at Madison Square Garden in New York City. The show featured all his hit songs and some of the new material he was working on. The crowd only wanted to hear the hits. A line from “Garden Party” sums up his experience nicely: “If you gotta’ play at garden parties, I wish you a lotta’ luck, but if memories were all I sang, I rather drive a truck.”

Singing our greatest hits has its place, but if that’s all we do, we’re always on stage. We miss the backstage experience which is richer and fuller than any performance we are likely to give. It also imbues that performance with more energy than we are likely to have without spending time backstage.

Think of backstage as a safe haven you can always go to when your performance is stale. It’s the quiet, creative space that will give old and new material new life. It allows old songs to contain the energy they had the first time you performed them, and it lets new songs into your repertoire so you can continue to grow.

To reclaim your backstage pass, you have to get quiet; then the big bouncer (resistance) will let you pass.

Remember that during the hustle and bustle of your everyday performance, you have the opportunity to get quiet, go backstage and take a break and recharge your energy. Not only that, but this backstage experience gives life to new songs.

If your life has become a garden party, it’s time to bring out your backstage pass.

All the best,

John

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Of all the liberties and freedoms we celebrate today, let us remember the freedom most forgotten – The freedom to choose our response.

Happy July 4^th!

John

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