I remember the “Church Lady” character from SNL asking in a derogatory way, “Well, isn’t that special?”

Her intent was to communicate that whatever she was remarking about wasn’t really special.

I heard The Grasshopper say yesterday, “Special is not who we are but what flows through us.”

How often do we get caught up in thinking that we, personally, are special? The most severe cases of special thinking appear when we witness ourselves or someone else speaking in the third person. For example, Bill Smith saying, “Bill Smith always votes in every election.” Bill thinks he’s special. He’s not, and neither are we.

Special is not who you are or what you do; it’s the creative force that flows through you. Now that’s special!

This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t take credit for your accomplishment. Please take a bow. Just don’t get caught up in thinking that you’re something special.

Pure and simple, we are a vessel for special.

When we think special rules apply to us, we’re caught up in the caste system of special. It smacks of superiority and leads towards separation rather than inclusion. When we believe we are special, we always have a wedge at the ready to put between us and some unwashed denizen of the planet.

The instant thinking is: “I’m not like them,” which is another way of saying “I’m special.”

The best antidote I ever heard for special came from author, Eckhart Tolle. I’ll paraphrase what he said. “If you don’t think you have anything in common with someone, remember this: In “X” number of years you’ll be total equals; you’ll both be rotting corpses.”

If you truly want to be special, look for the specialness we all have in common.

All the best,

John

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“These little town blues are melting away.” So sings Frank Sinatra in New York, New York.

The song is more about new starts than it is about New York. In order for new to begin, old has to melt away.

Sometimes the transition from old to new is abrupt and that can be painful. When the past slowly, but systematically, drips away, the conversion is more permanent.

The area of weight loss is the prime example of how drastic changes rarely last. Most dieters go on a monastic diet, and are successful in rapidly losing weight. They are equally successful in gaining it back. Just monitor the long-term progress of contestants of “The Biggest Loser” or any one of Oprah‘s diets to validate this for yourself.

Melting away the past has better odds of success and it takes longer than most people are willing to wait.

If you snap an icicle, it still exists; it’s just in a different location. When it melts away, its residue finds its way down the drain, and there is much less pain.

We aren’t a very patient people. The systems are in place for us to succeed, but our desire to make change quicker than the system allows has us throw logic out the window.

The answer to “How do I speed up winter so it doesn’t last as long?” is “Move to Florida.”

If you are making a new start, it helps to begin slowly and build on your success at regular intervals. When you apply this method, you get to the dripping point much quicker. This is when a “Snowball’s chance in Hell” is a good thing.

All the best,

John

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We live in a “Gizmo” society. We are bombarded with messages that if we only had a specific gizmo, we’d have the world on a string.

The mentality and marketing is pervasive. What golfer hasn’t bought a new club expecting it to improve his or her game? I can’t tell you the amount of money I’ve spent on photography gear over the years. The hope was that this equipment would make me the next Francesco Scavullo or Ansel Adams. Truth be told, the person at Wal-Mart, shaking the bunny and taking pictures of your children, is more proficient than me.

Reminds me of a story . . .

I remember when my kids were younger and they would ask me for more expensive gizmos, offering up the logic that it would make them better. We lived near a rundown school where an NBA Basketball player had attended. The court at the school was a patchwork quilt of uneven asphalt pieces. I said, “If Ernie “D” could learn to play basketball on that court, you can learn to be better with the current equipment you have.”

A new gizmo will not make you better. It’s always how well you use a gizmo that gets you results.

We have this notion that what we need is outside of ourselves. That’s misplaced credit.

Reminds me of another story . . .

My late mentor, Dr. Dave Dobson, a legendary hypnotherapist, would say, “Everyone is their own best therapist.” He would point out that people would give him credit for the changes they had made never knowing it was them who actually made the change. His claim was that he provided the environment where that change could happen. People giving him credit was misplaced credit. This ability was always within them, yet they ascribed all the accolades to him.

I have a friend who is a “Perpetual Student.” His underlying belief is that he always needs “one more class.” This is one of the most knowledgeable people I know but he has a severe case of “Misplaced Credit.” He thinks the missing piece is out there somewhere. It’s not.

I’m all for seeking help and taking classes; those practices open our eyes and hone our skills. Where the logic falls apart is when we believe that it’s the outside force that will make us better. It isn’t. And when we don’t get the results we want, we go seeking another class or teacher.

Rarely do we just work with what we already have. We don’t give ourselves enough credit. We’re too busy misplacing it.

I don’t think I’m going to stop buying photography equipment anytime soon, but I do know this: I have all the equipment I need right now to develop what I want. I just have to make the time to get more familiar with my current equipment to get picture perfect results.

All the best,

John

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It seems there is a psychology that goes along with either “Past” or “Future.”

The “Past” folks want things the way they were; the “Future” folks want things the way they should be.

There is also a sensation that goes along with each viewpoint, especially when it runs into an opposing view. For the future seekers it’s frustration; for those longing for the past it’s a sense of sadness and madness.

The “Future-ites” are frustrated when they can’t convince others to create a plan that is crystal clear to them. The “Past-ies” are mad that their world is changing and severely dig in their heels.

When you get a “Past” and “Future” together, you can expect an ideological scrimmage. It plays out every day – Old vs. Young, Conservative vs. Liberal, Texter vs. Emailer – the list is ever growing.

The results of the daily clash between the two leads to an argument as to who is right rather than a common strategy to right any wrongs.

The focus is on the fight and who’s right rather than results. It would be like two football teams hurling insults at each other from their respective sidelines for 60 minutes rather than playing the game.

Here is something we rarely reflect on: There is no past or future in now.

“What can I do now?” is a question to ask that brings us back from the frustration or sadness of future or past.

Now gets you focused.

Imagine you’re driving through a major snowstorm. Then imagine one of these two monologues in your head:

“It didn’t used to snow this much, the road crews were out much quicker, and, damn it, people drove more carefully in the snow back then.”

“They should really come up with a way to put warming rods under the asphalt to melt this before it becomes problematic. Why don’t they invent solar powered, snow blowing panels along the side of the highway? How come no one is doing these things?”

You just know these two people are going to crash into each other. Why? Because neither one of them is paying attention to the snow now.

Focusing on now and the situation at hand suspends diversionary trips to the past or future, and doesn’t add the baggage of sadness or frustration.

There will be plenty of time to yearn for the good old days or lament that the future isn’t getting here quick enough, but that time is not now.

Now is the time to focus on what is right in front of you. It’s the quickest route out of the past and into the future.

What can I do now?

All the best,

John

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