I was chatting with my friend Paul the other day and casually said that one of my main criticisms about myself is that I’m not curious. I said that I saw it in others but lacking in me.

He was quick to respond that he found me to be curious in specialized areas and I agreed, but found myself, on balance, to be generally incurious.

It got me curious about curiosity.

The takeaway I got is that curiosity about one thing, no matter how isolated, informs all things. It’s like the famous adage that a rising tide lifts all boats.

I do find that people who are curious about a lot of things are generally more interesting conversationalists because they can span a lot of different topics.

But even limited curiosity like mine seems to permeate other seemingly unrelated areas of non-inquiry within me.

It’s hard to put into words but it seems that the curiosity I do conjure up infuses my whole. That means it cross pollinates and is indeed useful by other parts of me that were not curious. There is learning going on on multiple levels due to the isolated curiosity on one topic at one level.

I guess that means that if you experience euphoria, it can be felt in your earlobes too, not only in your heart.

My overarching takeaway is this: Curiosity is beneficial no matter the amount. The key is to make sure you feed your curiosity so that all parts of you can be nourished.

All the best,

John

Came upon an old Grasshopper Note that seems particularly relevant in today’s world:

“Acting On Headlines Will Make You Frown.”

Too often we react to the surface material and neglect to dig deeper for a response.

Who can hook you with a stimulus? What stimulus will do it every time? When you answer those questions, you’ve found your headline.

Notice that your reaction to headlines is always the same – a furrowed brow that leads to “Ow!”

For example, political advertising, which is abundant these days, depends on hurting you enough to make you react. The folks behind the ads are pandering to the surface part of you that’s too conditioned or too lazy to dig deeper. They want you to viscerally respond to their headline.

The best headlines in the world belong to The National Enquirer. These folks are masters at hooking you with headlines that drive you to buy. The results are always the same – no substance or source to backup the headline, leaving you once again dining on cotton candy.

If you too often react to headlines, not only will you be misinformed, you’ll act out again in a way that only makes you pay.

If you are tired of being a pawn in the headline game, start to take notice of the refrain that causes you pain. What do you react to in the same way every time? Find that headline and then dig deeper for a response.

Your first reaction is what the issuer of the headline wants. Deny them that access and find your true personal power. Watch your initial reaction go by like a float in a parade and just wait for one that has less feathers and more substance.

It’s hard to think of ours brains as stimulus/response machines but that’s exactly what they are until we discover our free will. That’s our ability to choose a new response rather than reacting the same way again.

How hooked are you? Find a headline that makes you stew, then respond to it differently and watch the whole story start to come through.

All the best,

John

I saw this Buddha quote on my niece’s Facebook page the other day and it stuck with me. “You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger.”

Everyone gets angry. It’s when it becomes a way of life that we suffer.

I remember my aunt talking about her brother, my father, and saying, “He’s always mad at somebody.”

The punishment is not only a stream of angry thoughts but also a series of tight feelings in the body. Over time, those feelings take their toll.

It’s productive to stop and notice that your anger isn’t working for you. It’s always working against you.

I met a very famous man a few years ago who had smoldering anger. He was telling me about his digestive issues and I remarked that it would be useful if he noticed his anger. He thought I was peering into his soul by bringing up his anger. He thought it was hidden by his outward facade. It wasn’t. It was there for anyone to see who was paying attention.

That’s what I asked him to do: pay attention to his anger.

I also asked him to not ascribe it to a person or thing as in: “I’m angry because . . .”

That ascription justifies the anger and keeps it in place. I asked him to pay attention to the feelings in his body when he felt what he called “anger.”

Paying attention to sensations without assigning a cause metabolizes the anger and lets it dissipate rather than aggregate.

It’s my experience that digestion issues and other disease processes caused by being constantly constricted gradually ease just by paying attention.

We’re not going to stop getting angry anytime soon but we can stop the residual damage that anger can cause. It just takes a little anger management – better known as paying attention.

All the best,

John

Stumbled across this Grasshopper tidbit that highlights a universal illusion that we all suffer from from time to time:

“Reality Doesn’t Go In Reverse.”

Life, like a friendly game of golf, doesn’t give out “Mulligans” (Do-overs), but we pretend it does. This piece of personal illusion has us repeat our defeats and prevents us from moving forward.

If there is a bigger governor on progress than miss-assessing or lying about our current location, I’m unaware of it. We cannot get to where we want to go when we make up where we currently are. If we hit the ball in the woods but pretend we’re on the fairway, every shot will bounce off trees and bring us to our knees.

The undebatable reality is this: You are where you are and no amount of mental spin can put you back where you were. Starting over doesn’t exist in life; starting from where you are does.

The starting point is always here and now. There is no amount of deft logic that can make it any different. If you need more proof that this magical thinking doesn’t work, just look at constant setbacks of anyone who wants to start at the top.

Starting from where you are takes noticing and then action. Here and now begins with facts, not what we want the facts to be. You can’t get the ball rolling until you recognize it’s not.

Where are you?

If you are anywhere but here, you can’t get there from any other version of here.

There is one other truth you can count on besides death and taxes – Mirrors don’t lie. Look at your reflection and describe exactly what you see. That’s precisely where you are. Don’t sugarcoat or embellish; just take precise and accurate measurements. This is noticing.

Real action begins when we notice we can only begin at the beginning. That means to step off from where you are. Just take a step in any direction. You’ll be able to course correct much easier when your feet are on the ground vs. walking in the clouds.

“To thine own self be true” is a piece of wisdom that will ground us when we’re tempted to chase a sky of blue.

The probing question that will start you on a new quest is: Where am I? Any answer, other than here and now, is a lie.

Reality is always moving forward and will leave you in the dust if you stop and smell the artificial roses.

You will measurably reverse your luck when you recognize that reality doesn’t go in reverse.

All the best,

John

And now a trip back through time to a Throwback Thursday message from years ago from my pal The Grasshopper:

“Ask God For Directions, Not A Completed Mission.”

Whomever you ask things of – a deity, your intellect or your creative self – ask for the tools rather than the shed. They will prove more useful for the trip ahead.

We’ve all read stories of musicians, actors, sports figures and lottery winners blowing through fortunes spent on the times of their lives rather than lasting them a lifetime. They lacked the basic tools for managing their wealth. They got the moon before they knew how to build a rocket ship.

It seems that we keep asking for what we want with a bow attached, not realizing that we have the gifts (tools) to wrap our own presents.

Internal resources are our most precious and natural gifts.
I proffer that our culture has conditioned us to be lazy – to look outside ourselves for the Holy Grail. “It’s somewhere out there” is the external message we keep hearing and it keeps us looking for completed projects rather than working a plan.

You may get the spark for an idea that would have a huge impact on your life and then spend your quiet time praying for that completed mission. Your times of contemplation would be better spent asking for the tools for completion.

Ask your internal resources for the tools and a plan.

The answer to your prayer may look more like a blueprint than it does blue sky. Then it’s necessary to assemble the proper tools. The most important thing is to use them. I feel as though I’m channeling my late, sainted mother in this next sentence: “Your great idea will never come to pass until you decide to get off your ass.”

A great idea will remain an idea until you execute a plan.

Potter’s Field is filled with people who prayed for things with no strings. Their lives became a waiting game.

What are you waiting for?

The next time you pray ask for the tools to mold clay.

All the best,

John

There’s an old saying: “An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.”

It seems most reasonable people would agree with the logic of that adage but many of us don’t wholly follow that wisdom.

We make exceptions for certain eye gouging. “After this one, I’ll be done. This person deserves it.” But we keep finding the exception rather than following the rule and blind ourselves to the teaching for a lifetime.

It’s like making the argument for more prisons or more nuclear power plants and following it with the exception “but not in my back yard.” You really don’t want to do your part.

We all have a part in curing the world’s myopia. It starts by eliminating the exceptions. Cleaning up our own little exceptional world is where to begin.

It’s like the famous hymn says, “Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.”

We can’t reach the goal by continually granting exceptions. Each exception pushes the finish line farther away until we reach a point that we can no longer see it.

If we only give lip service to “love thy neighbor,” we have talked ourselves into being blind for a lifetime.

Stop making exceptions (excuses) for scratching someone’s eyes out and start to see the world through the prism of “you and me.” It’s a common path that will let us all see.

All the best,

John

Do you know someone who is forever telling you the way it is? Perhaps it’s you. In the past, I know it’s been me.

What I’ve come to realize is that “the way it is” is “the way it was.”

That sounds a bit cryptic to me so let me delve deeper.

“The way it is” is too often an opinion – one we’ve inherited from someone who came before us. So the way it was when we learned that opinion is still the way it is now. It will remain that way unless we notice and take steps to outgrow it.

To quote any Law & Order episode, we’re “stating facts not in evidence.”

Our opinions have become facts to us and we assert them and they act as spears towards others who have different opinions.

Seems to me that we could make some room for “the way it could be.” That would stop us from arguing facts that aren’t facts and seek workable possibilities that don’t currently exist.

When you have two “that’s the way it is” folks interacting with each other, you have a call-in talk show – an assertion filled platform that’s designed for fighting for what was instead of what could be.

We can recreate our past or we can design our future. Keeping our past alive is easy. Just keep asserting “the way it is.”

But if you want to go someplace different, other than the familiar battlefield, begin to focus your energy on the way it could be. You just may discover some evidence for a brighter future.

All the best,

John

I’m no relationships expert – far from it, but I can tell you with assurance that one of the telltale signs of a relationship heading south is the absence of laughter.

“He/She stopped making me laugh” is a harbinger of adios.

If they never made you laugh in the first place, it probably wasn’t a great relationship to begin with.

Laughter in this context is not expecting a Seinfeld routine but, more so, someone knowing where your funny button is and how to naturally push it.

If that action has ceased, your relationship is close to deceased.

Like many things in life, this sign is easier to spot in hindsight. The key is to notice it at the onset.

How do you do that? First, ask yourself the last time you laughed with your partner. If the answer is “just this morning,” you needn’t go to Step 2.

If your answer is “I can’t remember the last time” or “It’s been a while,” Step 2 is to arrange a sit down and explore what’s going on.

Sadly, you may discover that it’s too late to work on it OR you may find the missing piece that causes each other’s lips to turn up at the corners with just a hint of of a smile.

I have a saying I use about business: “Businesses don’t run themselves.” Neither do relationships. They need attention and they need some daily work.

My amateur opinion is this: If laughter has gone out of your relationship, you don’t have one. If you can’t make each other smile, you’re in relationship denial.

It may be time to get out of your head and start paying attention to your partner’s needs – one of which comes from the old adage; “Laughter is the best medicine.”

All the best,

John

I got this phrase from The Grasshopper yesterday: “A loose end trying to tie a knot.”

It seems it highlights a part of us that doesn’t complete things. I believe that includes most of us, but some of us are world-class at starting quick and fading fast.

You have to admire the upfront passion these humans exude, but scratch your head at how quickly their flame disappears. It’s as though they’re a sparkler.

I will admit that this is a mini rant. I have a phrase that I made up that’s not very complimentary toward this kind of behavior. I say, “He/She’s a walking loose end.”

The little I know about the personality typing system known as the Enneagram, these folks seem to be a stagnant Type 7. They get hot and bothered and then don’t bother.

I’m amused and OK with this behavior when I don’t have to do business with these folks. Socially, they bring a lot to the fun, superficial side of life. But when it gets down to the “nitty-gritty,” it’s a pity.

Here’s a conversation I have with every person I hire to do a job for me: “You don’t have to over deliver; you just have to do what you say you will do.” When I hear hyperbole, I want to throw pies.

My rant is over and I don’t think it will change anything by expressing it but it might get you curious about this: to compete, you have to complete. Otherwise, you’re wearing a disguise that delivers more lows than highs.

All the best,

John

I posted the following on Facebook on Father’s Day:

“My personal belief is that the second half of life is about dropping the labels we ascribe to ourselves, one-by-one, to discover the unlabeled core of who we are. I’m not confident I’ll be able to voluntarily let go of the label ‘Dad.'”

It got me curious about labels that stick longer than others. I’ve known for a long time that I’ve bought in lock, stock and barrel to the “Dad” label. As much as I like it, it does keep me one more step away from full discovery of the unvarnished me.

This curiosity causes me to ask: “What labels are you holding on to?”

Those labels will give you some insight into your values, preferences, prejudices and judgements.

Just because we hold on to a label doesn’t make it a “good” thing. It’s just a label (illusion) that we’ve bought into that has no comparable value when compared to what I have labeled our “core.”

Labels are like meaning: they eventually all disappear. Let’s pretend that you think having a lot of money means something. It means nothing when you’re moments from death. Not even the world’s richest or poorest person is thinking about money at that time. No dying person is saying, “I should have stayed at the office an extra hour each night so that I could have made more money.” The meaning is all gone at that point and so are the labels.

The good news is we don’t have to wait until we’re breaths from death to peel off our labels. Many of the labels we carry about really get in the way of us enjoying and experiencing life more fully now. When’s the last time you danced when no one was looking? Perhaps you have a rule (label) that proper people don’t dance about in public or private. There’s lots of meaning attached to that rule (label).

What if you decided to just start dancing? Two things would happen:

1. You’d experience the indescribable movement of your life force.

2. The label of “dance avoider” would disappear along with its meaning.

This is an invitation to look at your labels and start noticing how many of them are interfering with your ability to experience life more fully. I think you’ll find life more appealing when you start peeling.

Let’s dance!

All the best,

John