I’m not a big fan of small talk, but I’m even less of an aficionado for “manufactured chit-chat.”

It’s bad enough that businesses answer the phones with, “It’s a great day at Bill’s House of Widgets, your home for the most diversified and affordable widgets on earth. This is Stephanie. How may I direct your call?”

That’s just employees being told what to do by people who haven’t a clue.

Another thing employers direct their employees to do is ask questions they’re not invested it. “Oh, I see you’re from Rhode island. How was your winter up there? Was there more snow than usual or was it mild?” This person has no interest in my winter experience; he’s just manufacturing chit-chat because his boss told him this is what you do to ingratiate yourself with the caller.

It’s maddening not to have a real conversation. It feels as though I’m talking to a robot with a plethora of pat phrases.

My experience is that most salesmen are bad at their jobs simply because they use phrases they think the client will like. The great salesmen are organic with their conversation, paying attention to the person across from them or on the other end of the phone line and responding to what’s offered, not offering up some stale smarm.

Monitor your chit-chat. Is it filled with patterned pablum? If so, you’re not communicating; you’re parroting. Take the time to listen to the other person and have the decency to offer them an authentic you. It will not only create more connection, but you’ll have some more interesting fat to chew.

Bottom Line: Offer Polly more than a cracker.

All the best,

John

William Shakespeare wrote in the comedy AS YOU LIKE IT that “All the world is a stage.” I believe he left out the next phrase: “Until your act gets old.”

If you don’t know your act is getting old, you’ll continue to play a bit part in life. Discovering that you aren’t who you think you are is self-discovery. No acting is necessary.

Do you adopt different personalities for different groups of people? If so, you are acting, badly.

I believe there’s a stage in life when it’s time to get off stage. The result of this action is feeling entirely comfortable in your own skin.

Acting is pretending and pretending isn’t real. If you’re pretending to be someone you’re not, no one is taking you seriously.

Getting off stage means giving up the things you’ve added to your persona that amount to glitter. The process of subtracting these things leads to the discovery of gold, your unvarnished self.

The authentic you is the final act, the one you arrive at when the makeup comes off, the flood lights go out, and the stage is empty.

Break a leg!

All the best,

John

Ask anyone in radio or TV broadcasting who they think their audience is and they will answer with some form of “unwashed.”

The general managers of these stations want to believe that their audience is made up of successful stockbrokers and other affluent people. This narrative helps them to sell ads.

But ask any copywriter worth their ink the average grade level they write for. The best selling copy is targeted to the grade school level.

Politicians know their voters fall into the same low grade category. That’s why attack ads work and sophisticated ones are just a waste of money.

Radio and TV talk show audiences are pandered to by their hosts. They tell them what they want to hear. They know their general audience is not upscale or informed. So they can treat them like the morons the hosts believe they are.

The general population is not informed on issues because the only issue that means something to them is day to day survival. And when they want to know who’s to blame for their lot in life, their “friend” on the radio, TV, or social media, will tell them who the enemy is and it’s accepted without question.

Aaron Sorkin writes incredible political screenplays but they’re not targeted to the average voter. They’re for the already informed. The dialogue is too “snappy” and not relatable to the general populace. To reach them, you have to reach down.

It sounds snobby to quote Winston Churchill, but he goes right to the heart of the matter when he says, “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

The message here is this: The people you watch, listen to, and read believe you fall into the category of “Collective Moron.” I’m not making this up. Ask any one of them privately who they think their general audience is and their disdain will astound you.

And if you don’t feel you fall into that low grade category, ask yourself the last time you reposted something scathing on social media that you didn’t vet, and you’ll know why they consider you all wet.

All the best,

John

Today’s question: Can an old saw still cut it?

Old saws are expressions that have been around longer than most of us can remember, but many of them remain memorable and apt.

Please feel free to add to the list but here are a few that come to mind that don’t nibble around the edges; they cut right in.

My all time favorite is an anonymous Chinese saying: “Talk doesn’t cook rice.”

Here’s one that will stand the test of time through time immemorial: “A stitch in time saves nine.”

And now a couple more.

“If you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got.”

“A shoddy workman always blames his tools.”

I could go on and on with additional adages, proverbs and bon mots, but the real value is living them, not citing them.

Living them lets you cut through, citing them keeps you on a see saw.

It’s like Ralph Waldo Emerson reminded us, “Who you are speaks so loudly, I can’t hear what you’re saying.”

All the best,

John

The Grasshopper woke me up with this: “A counter thought is still thinking.”

He seems to be offering a prescription for not arguing with yourself.

First off, you have never won an argument with yourself, so there’s that. But secondly, the act of thinking keeps you from creating.

We are conditioned to believe that if we weigh the pros and cons in our head that we will come up with a creative solution. When has that ever happened?

Counter thoughts are just more thoughts. And if your mind is filled with thoughts, there’s no room for creativity.

Ah-ha moments don’t come from internal debates. Don’t take my word for it, just let the words of a great “thinker” sink in. Albert Einstein said, “We cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them.”

The next time you catch yourself gearing up for a debate, just notice the counter thoughts arising without engaging with them. Just the unemotional observation of these thoughts will dilute them, making space in your mind for something new to come through.

Let me leave you with this: The only “counter thought” that will serve you well is what kind of pie to order.

All the best,

John

“Beyond the shadow of doubt” indicates in crystal clear terms that which is being asserted, is not a mere shadow of the truth.

Such is the case when we discover that we aren’t who we “think” we are. I’m of the opinion that if we distance ourselves from our thoughts about ourselves, most of our perceived problems will fade into the shadows.

Coming to the realization that we aren’t who we “made up and got comfortable with” is the passageway to becoming more authentic.

There isn’t a person among us who wouldn’t benefit by getting out from the shadows of our false self.

The process starts by un-labeling yourself. “I’m a mother, father, doctor, lawyer, Indian chief, or pole dancer” are assertions that need to be peeled away.

Once you stop describing yourself with nouns, you come closer to the you that can’t be named, yet is deeply felt.

Digging deep into the Tao te Ching – a 2500 year old Chinese philosophy – we find this:

The tao that can be told
is not the eternal Tao

The name that can be named
is not the eternal Name

The unnamable is the eternally real

Naming is the origin
of all particular things

I guess in modern terms this philosophy can be reduced to this: Don’t take yourself so seriously, otherwise you’ll become a shadow of yourself.

All the best,

John

Just like footwear makes imprints in the snow, past events make imprints in our lives. Yet, trying to find those footprints after a new snowfall is as close to impossible as it gets.

Going back looking for what imprinted us is, at best, a history lesson. Looking for the cause, causes us to use the wrong pair of shoes. We don’t need ones that sink us deeper in the drifts, we need snowshoes – ones that facilitate walking forward, not descending into submersion.

I know some people who are in perpetual counseling. I wonder if they ever reflected on how going back over their cause keeps them mired in “because.”

“I’m this way because” is an abdication phrase that keeps us in a haze.

It may very well be true that past events cause you to react in a certain way now . . . until you notice. In the past, you’ve let your history handle you. It’s time now to handle your history. That means to notice it when it comes up as an excuse. And to quote The Grasshopper, “Excuses are like bad checks; they can’t be cashed.”

Start noticing your excuses for “why you are the way you are.” The more you notice them, the quicker they’ll go away, making way for sunnier days.

All the best,

John

Many people come to a choice point in life: whether to survive or thrive.

Surviving a crisis is one thing, but surviving as a way of life is soul sucking.

Thriving is a 2-step process:

1. Start

2. Continue

Starting is often easy. Think about how many diets you have started or projects that remain undone. The most important step is next: continuing.

Nothing starts without the first step, but it’s the second step that’s crucial to your success.

Inertia is the enemy of “second steppers.” Nike would probably insert “Just Do It” here, but it takes more than willpower. It takes passion.

As The Grasshopper reminded us moons ago, “You can’t be a rock star with part-time passion.”

Quiz yourself about what you’re passionate about. You may come up with a short or long list, but if there is nothing on your list, you are destined to remain a survivor.

Step in the direction of passion and discover that continuing is easier than ever before.

Survive or Thrive? It’s passion that gives your second step drive.

All the best,

John

I believe we all have multiple personalities, but not in the way you may imagine.

We have parts of us that serve us well and parts that get in our way.

For example, when I am faced with a mechanical issue (mechanics not being my strong suit) and I miraculously come up with a solution, I say, “Thanks, Jack.”

Jack was my father’s name. He built everything from kitchen cabinets to skyscrapers, but none of that rubbed off on me. I call my mechanical solution solver “Jack.”

We have parts of us that are held in place by beliefs we got before we knew what beliefs were. I call that part of me “Outdated.” When I notice that I’m ignoring the facts and sticking with my biased belief, I have an opportunity to update it. I say, “Thanks, Outdated.”

When I make someone laugh, I say, “Thanks, Mom.” She was a very funny person.

When someone attempts to hook me by making a suggestion that’s not in my best interest, I say, “Thanks Dave.” Dave was my hypnosis teacher and he called the practice of making manipulative and counterproductive suggestions “Bad Hypnosis.”

I could go on and list more personalities than Sybil but that’s not the point.

The message is to recognize that you have parts of you that deliver solutions. The way to encourage those parts of you to keep delivering comes down to two words: “Thank you.”

Remember to thank the part of you that sent you a gift. It’s more than using your social graces; It’s an insurance policy that the gifts will keep on coming.

All the best,

John

The following Grasshopper thought popped in the other day: “Masterminds master their mind.”

Please don’t read “master” as “control.”

“Master” should be read as “mastery.” Mastery is not perfection; it’s more like excellence.

An excellent way to “master” your mind is to observe your mind at work. Just become a bystander to your thought process and watch the Broadway show your mind puts on.

To become more of a mastermind, you have to have less attachment to your thoughts. When you attach to your thoughts, you wind up fighting with your mind. You have never won an argument with your mind.

Observing the mind rather than fighting with it is the key to mastery.

Catching yourself thinking (observing) is a discipline that pays dividends.

When you observe, you interrupt your thoughts. When you interrupt your thoughts, you create a space in your thinking. In that space mastery begins to bloom.

Want to be a mastermind? Master the magic of observation and experience peace of mind.

All the best,

John