What makes one person consistently better than another person when performing a certain skill?

There are so many answers to that question that it opens the door for discussion.

Here’s my two cents worth (please adjust for inflation).

Let me begin with a story . . .

Christmas Eve day I got my annual visit from a man whose mother makes the most delicious Christmas cookies. I met him when he was 11 years old when his father brought him by a radio station I worked for and asked if he could get his son a tour. I agreed.

This young fellow was older than his years and had an appetite for radio and wanted to learn all he could. I invited him to come back each week to learn some more. I gave him an old tape of a radio performer who had inspired me and told him to listen to it and said, “Aspire to be as good as this guy.”

I eventually hired this boy who has since become a celebrated radio performer in many major cities. Back to Christmas Eve . . . we had our annual chat and caught up on what each other was up to and wished each other a “Merry Christmas.”

After he left, I got an email alerting me that the fellow who was on the tape I gave him many years ago had just died. How serendipitous . . . the man who sparked both our radio fires had died on the one day we get together.

This man’s name is George Michael. He became nationally famous doing his syndicated TV show called “George Michael’s Sports Machine.” Most TV sports fans knew of George Michael but few of them knew what a stellar radio performer he was in the 60s and 70s.

So back to the question . . . What makes one person consistently better than another person when performing a certain skill? All the ingredients I talk about in my FREE e-book, THE SUCCESS TRIANGLE, come to mind – Passion, Discipline, and Talent. But it was a subset of discipline that made the difference with George Michael. It was FOCUS!

As I said in a tribute to him, “He was like the great football players he talked about; he never took a play off.” George was focused. He didn’t have many of the talents that other radio performers had but he used what he did have and focused and became the best DJ I ever heard.

Focus will take you farther than your talent. I think of the old Cub Scout Manual technique for starting a fire without matches. Focus the sun through a magnifying glass on bits of paper under some tinder wood so you can ignite a roaring fire.

If you aspire to be better than you currently are, may I suggest George Michael’s secret formula – FOCUS!

All the best,

John

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As we turn the page on a new decade, I find it appropriate to turn back to an old expression whose wisdom is timeless – Turn of a phrase.

This idea came to mind when I caught myself “can’t-ing” the other day. It never dawned on me how often “can’t” turns up in conversation – especially mine.

NOTE: Lest you think this is leading to a positive thinking speech, let me assure you I wouldn’t waste your time or mine with such pep rally pap.

This is an exercise in noticing and substituting.

No, you won’t be asked to substitute “can” for “can’t;” you’ll be asked to practice turning a phrase.

Here’s the exercise in a nutshell: Notice yourself saying “can’t” when you’re saying it and then rephrase the same statement to yourself or another with the following phrase:

“I haven’t figured out how to do that yet.”

It’s a powerful way to reframe your thinking towards possibility vs. keeping it in the confines of “can’t.”

“I can’t get this software to work,” “I can’t stop smoking,” “I can’t get up and speak in front of a group” are just a sampling of the “can’ts” that we corner ourselves with.

The phrase “Yes you can” most often engages our polarity and has us become oppositional to whatever has been suggested. That’s why it’s such an ineffective strategy.

“I haven’t figured out how to _______ yet” is a statement of fact that doesn’t close the door on creativity, whereas “can’t” slams it in your face.

“Can’t” becomes a justification for failure and most often keeps us from making any future efforts.

When you turn “can’t” into “I haven’t figured out how to ______ yet,” you turn the tables on “can’t,” and the odds for finding a solution increase.

Turning a phrase is not a magic bullet but it does two things:

1. Gives you a leg up on the resignation and frustration you experience with “can’t.”
2. Gives your mind the option of finding options.

Opening your eyes to what’s possible begins with noticing how often you say “can’t.” The next step is to morph “can’t” into “I haven’t figured out how to ______ yet.”

When you notice and substitute you turn “can’t” on its ear, making 2010 a much more productive year.

All the best,

John

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Your list is bigger than Santa’s, Holy Cow

You plan to begin tomorrow

To address what brings you sorrow

But if you’re really serious, you’d begin NOW!

Happy New Year!

John

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Who hasn’t experienced sparks?

They happen when something or someone sparks an idea or a feeling.

The world owes a debt of gratitude to sparks. They not only ignite us to action; they also alert us to danger.

A spark from an informed source or a partially connected wire has something else in common – a loose connection.

If we got the whole idea, it wouldn’t be a spark; we would be completely connected.

If we see sparks flying from a partially inserted plug, there’s not a completed connection.

Look at sparks in relationships. They capture our interest at the beginning and end of one. When sparks fly at the beginning, we are not yet deeply connected; we’re just mesmerized by the sparkle which oftentimes draws us forward to make a deeper connection. If we do make a connection and the connection comes loose, the sparks fly again, but this time they may urge us to pull out.

Some people live their whole lives experiencing only sparks. It’s much like the rap against most advertising – “All sizzle and no steak,” or as they say in Texas, “All hat, no cattle.”

Living on sparks is a dangerous existence. Some folks live their whole life on the spark of tomorrow, and tomorrow never comes.

Some attempt to live on the cultural spark which has them believe that maybe it’s the next new thing or experience that will give them the connection they’re longing for.

I love sparks. I also love garlic. I can’t live on either one. Both would shock your system.

If your spark doesn’t get you to push in deeper or pull out completely, you’ve missed the purpose of sparks. They are catalysts, not lifestyles.

Perhaps you haven’t noticed that sparks and superficial also start with the same letter. They also share a common bond – loose connections.

Here’s a rule of thumb: If your interest isn’t sparked enough to go deeper, it’s time to pull out.

Investigate all the sparks that come to your attention, just don’t mistake them for anything other than what they are – loose connections. Only you can decide if they’re worth plugging all the way into.

All the best,

John

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Anyone who reads this blog knows that I’m not a big fan of New Year’s Resolutions, simply because they don’t work.

Just look at the evidence trail your own resolutions have left behind and you’ll begrudgingly agree with me.

There is, however, that one time out of a zillion that it did work. My sense is that one time had more to do with awareness than it did with your specific resolution.

There really is no power in a conscious resolution. It’s a thought in a fancy dress or formal wear.

We have many thoughts (intentions) that we never act on, so what makes the New Year thought any different? Nothing!

But what about that one time it did work?

My guess is that you became aware of your awareness. It’s a rare phenomenon that pays long-term dividends.

It’s the one New Year’s Resolution worth committing yourself to. “Dear diary, this year my goal is to become aware of my awareness.” This resolution is like a pregnant cat. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

Resolutions are conscious desires. When they remain at that level of consciousness, they are as fleeting as the wind.

Awareness is as steady as it gets and it outshines conscious thought every time. You just have to become aware that you have awareness.

Here’s the part you’re going to hate. It takes practice – regular practice.

First, let’s prove that you own awareness. Notice the sensation in your left wrist right now. Before I mentioned your left wrist it wasn’t in your awareness, but there’s a good chance it’s in there now.

The initial discovery is to notice that we have things going on outside of our conscious awareness. The next step is to purposely exercise our awareness. It’s called become aware of being aware.

It’s out of awareness that things change. Most habit patterns that we want to outgrow remain out of awareness. The closest we get to them is writing them down on a piece of paper at the New Year or on a “special” birthday. That’s not enough to effectuate long-term change.

When you begin to notice the unnoticed, while it’s happening, you are at the doorstep of change. Practice is what moves you across the threshold.

Resolution is a derivative of the word “Resolve.” When you look up synonyms for “Resolve,” you invariably find the word “Willpower” which is its boisterous, ineffective cousin. Reminds me of an expression I heard during my military days . . . “He’s got an alligator mouth with a hummingbird ass.”

Awareness is the 800 pound gorilla.

Practice becoming aware of what’s not currently in your awareness. That means to go on a search past the surface. This gets you past reason. Most people when they find a reason for their behavior, stop searching because they feel they have struck gold. Reason will keep most people in the land of justification which just adds credence to the undesired behavior. Justified behavior hangs around.

Awareness of the behavior, while it’s happening, is becoming aware of your awareness. Awareness doesn’t contain justification or reason. It’s a pure entity that only contains itself – awareness.

Make awareness your goal, not the specific conscious resolution you have written down. Awareness is the catalyst of all change.

Here’s a New Year’s Resolution worth making: Reduce all your resolutions down to a simple, daily prayer: “Make me aware.”

All the best,

John

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Here is my Annual Christmas Greeting

ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

That’s right, No “L”

May the joy of the holiday season be
with you everyday of your life.

Merry Christmas!

John

Who or what is the love of your life?

It’s the person or thing that gets most of your quality time.

For many, those who get their quality time are their children, partner, family members, friends or co-workers.

For others, their quality time is given to an activity like a hobby – woodworking, photography, painting, writing, crocheting, etc.

However, an alarming number of people spend their quality time with behavior that’s not serving them well. Ask one of these people who or what the love of their life is and they will give you a pat answer that doesn’t match up with their behavior. “Oh, my family comes first.” No, not so if you’re giving someone or something else your quality time.

For example, let’s pretend that you consume enough alcohol to inebriate yourself on a daily basis. Congratulations, you have found the love of your life. You spend your quality time with alcohol.

Your behavior determines who or what gets your quality time, not your intentions.

Quality time is time specifically spent including something or someone. You set aside this time to include your hobby, your hubby, or your hootch, just to name a few.

Not many drunks realize they have a love affair with alcohol. That’s what an addiction is – a love affair where you include your detrimental behavior and exclude those whom you claim are important to you.

If you’ve ever volunteered to be the designated driver, you have witnessed some friends and loved ones have their personality change right before your eyes. Their gathering with friends has become an excuse for them to engage in quality time with their real love – their beverage of choice.

With whom or what you spend your quality time with is a choice. If you choose drugs, gambling, alcohol, mind numbing TV watching or never ending net surfing, you have shown everyone your first love. Your first love gets your quality time.

The larger the gap between what we say and what we do is a measurement of how badly we have misused our love.

Who or what is the object of your affection? Notice how you spend your quality time and you’ll find your answer. It may not be the prefabricated answer you’ve been giving all these years.

Your real answer can light the way out of darkness. It all begins with asking the question: “Who or what is the real love of my life?”

All the best,

John

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Your biggest discovery won’t be about other people
Your biggest discovery will be about you
It may come wrapped in a small idea
One that contains an unmistakable clue

Your biggest discovery is about your identity
And when you find it you’ll know it’s true
It’s been hidden in plain sight all of these years –
The person you made up and got comfortable with is not you

All the best,

John

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While shoveling snow yesterday, The Grasshopper put in an appearance wearing a Santa hat and had this to say: “The brain remembers; the mind adds meaning.”

There’s something about more than two feet of snow that makes you remember other times when a heavy snow has fallen.

It’s amazing that you can be transported to another time when something very similar happened. Such was the case yesterday. I remembered various times of days gone by in vivid detail. There was both laughter and melancholy associated with each memory.

The brain can’t help but remember. That’s one of its functions. Adding meaning is where we get stuck in a big snow drift.

There is no meaning to a memory unless we add one. Memory is pure stimulus/response.

Heavy snow/memory

Adding a meaning has also become automated for us through conditioning. “I dreamt of money last night so that means I’m going to hit the lottery.” No, you dreamt about money.

Adding meaning to something always distorts that something away from its pure form and weaves it into an illusion that can create lots of drama.

I had many memories triggered by yesterday’s snow. I had lots of responses to those memories. The minute I began to add meaning to the responses, I was headed down a trail where I would be spinning my wheels. Lucky for me, I caught the meaning machine before it went awry and ran amok.

Sometimes we don’t catch it in time. That always leads us to the pseudo land of meaning filled with countless interpretations for one memory.

It snowed heavily yesterday. It triggered several memories about past snows – some heartwarming and others gut wrenching.

Adding meaning to these memories can cause an avalanche that keeps you trapped in a place that doesn’t exist – except in your mind.

Become aware of your meaning machine. It will turn on at the slightest tremor and attempt to lead you down the slippery slope of no return.

It’s up to you to take notice. No one else can do it for you and no one else can save you but you.

Have your memory and feel its attendant feeling and emotion.

Just avoid adding meaning. It’s meaningless.

All the best,

John

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It’s certainly accurate enough to say that we possess thoughts. It’s even more precise to point out that we are possessed by thoughts.

We don’t hold them as much as they hold us.

The Grasshopper was up at the crack of dawn this morning and had this to say: “You’re not possessed by thought when you notice it.”

It’s in that moment of noticing that you find freedom – freedom from possession.

We can easily see how the ancients came up with the concept of demonic possession when we notice the grasp that thought has on us. If it’s saying awful things to you and you can’t chase it away, it’s time for an exorcism.

The only ritual you need do is notice.

Noticing your thoughts opens the door to freedom. Like all worthwhile habits, it takes some cultivating, some practice.

Thoughts want to get comfy, kick their shoes off and hang around longer than Benjamin Franklin advised entertaining company. And they are loud, insulting, threatening, crass and all sorts of improper.

Notice that it’s your house and you can show them the door at any time.

Stop for a moment and notice your thoughts. Don’t engage them in debate or admonish them, just passively notice them. This small bit of attention is enough to crack the door ajar and let them slither away.

This is not a one-time thing. They’ll be back. They like the free room and board and they love a good argument.

The key is to practice noticing. The more efficient you get at it, the less they come around.

If you haven’t written to Santa yet, you may want to ask for a prized possession – the gift of noticing.

All the best,

John

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