“It’s tough to help someone if you think they need fixing.” So said The Grasshopper even before the sun came up this morning.

Sometimes we get so focused on the flaw that we ignore the fact that people aren’t broken, just conditioned.

When the flaw is our only focus, we blind ourselves to peoples’ vast reservoir of resources that will help them recondition themselves.

It’s not our job to point out the obvious; it’s better to point someone in the direction of noticing what they haven’t noticed – their ability to retool on their own.

My mentor, Dr. Dave Dobson often said, “People are their own best therapists.” They just need a helping hand to find what’s hidden in plain sight.

The notion of being broken is something we borrow from Newtonian Physics (mechanical view) and the medical model. Everything is treated like a broken leg – set it and forget it.

We use a one size fits all formula that misses the mark all too often.

We all serve as people helpers whether it’s our occupation or not. Where we drop the ball is focusing on flaws rather than on resources.

The thinking goes like this: Flaws suggest imperfections and imperfections need fixing. When we let our prejudice of what their perceived flaw is be our guide, we negate our ability to lead them where they need to go because, at that point, we are both in the dark.

When we reframe our view of flaws as just being off course, we remove our bias and blinders about the person, and can see clearly in which direction to point them.

You can’t help a flawed person because the flaw is s concrete block in your mind and it stands in the way of you being helpful.

The more disdain you have for the “flaw,” the less likely you are to help.

Moon rockets are off course 90% of the time. They are not flawed; they are self correcting – just as we are.

Point people to their perfection and they’ll solve their own problems.

Here’s a big secret: People already know what’s wrong with them. They don’t need our help in pointing out the obvious. What they need from us is a willingness not to judge their off course conditioning. This willingness opens our eyes to previously unlighted paths to suggest they walk down.

Remember this: A fly in the ointment is still a fly, not a remedy.

People don’t need fixing; they need finding.

They need to find the resources they already have, not another version of what’s wrong with them.

All the best,

John

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One of the things that we humans spend the most time doing doesn’t matter – thinking!

We attach so much importance to that which doesn’t matter and so little to that which does – acting!

Think about it: We spend most of our time thinking about acting. It doesn’t matter!

The only things that have external consequences are our actions.

It doesn’t take 1000 parts thinking per action.

The more you think the less action you take.

When you catch yourself thinking about the same exact thing you’ve thought about a thousand times before, here is a thought that will stop your thinking in its tracks and make room for action: IT DOESN’T MATTER.

“It doesn’t matter” is a trigger phrase that puts your thoughts in perspective and calms your mental meanderings so you have room for an action thought to pop in.

“It doesn’t matter” takes some practice but the peace of mind that it produces is well worth your effort.

Here is the exercise:

1. Notice yourself in the process of thinking (talking to yourself in your head).
2. Interrupt that process by bringing to mind this phrase: IT DOESN’T MATTER.

What you will find after a little bit of rehearsal is that you begin thinking less and acting more.

This isn’t a suggestion not to look before you leap; it’s more of a way out of a thought process you’ve leapt into a thousand times before without results.

“It doesn’t matter” is a reminder of what little importance repetitive thinking is. It’s a mantra that will suspend thinking and launch action.

You will train yourself to easily transition out of thoughts that don’t matter into a calmer frame of mind that produces results.

What you will learn is, no matter how “serious” your repetitive thoughts are, they don’t matter. Thinking things over for the 1001 time doesn’t matter; freeing up your mental real estate does.

The next time you catch yourself thinking about the same thing again, throw in the clutch by deliberately thinking, “It doesn’t matter.”

When it comes to getting results, thinking doesn’t matter.

All the best,

John

“You can’t live on leftovers” opined The Grasshopper.

Eventually you have to cook a new meal in order to supply more leftovers.

Those who attempt to live on leftovers alone, have a crook in their neck from looking backwards.

Memories do live on and are a wonderful thing to look back on, but they can’t provide enough sustenance to live on.

My mother often said about her mother-in-law, my grandmother, that she could make a banquet out of leftovers. That is an admirable skill to have, but if you try and make a living at it, you will starve.

An anachronist is really a taxidermist attempting to stuff life into that which is dead. It’s a great parlor trick until you notice that you can’t live on the meat of a stuffed deer.

Leftovers have a short lifespan and eventually spoil if you attempt to use them as your only food source.

Your memories are the spice in life, never the meal.

When you confuse the two, you get the condition known as the heartburn of heartache. And like most heartburn, it’s self induced.

There’s a reason they only hold class reunions once in awhile. That’s because you run out of things to chew on when “Remember when” is the only thing on the bill of fare.

Cherish your memories and sprinkle them in whenever appropriate. It adds a nice dash to the meal.

When they are the sole ingredient, you leave your soul hungry – hungry for something new on the menu.

Here is today’s suggestion: Let’s try a new restaurant.

All the best,

John

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What’s expected of you?

There are so many answers to that question depending on who is doing the expecting.

If it’s you, chances are you’re in the deepest do-do.

Personal expectation is often a false god.

Expectation would be helpful if it was only a measurement between where you are and where you want to be. Where expectation gets in the way is when you curse yourself for where you currently are.

There is nothing wrong with setting a goal unless it makes you feel less than you are.

Browbeating may get you to an expectation but the victory will be short-lived and hollow. Suppose someone beats themselves into submission that they should be 50 pounds lighter. If they go on a monastic diet (think Oprah in 1986), they exalt and then expand again.

It’s tough enough attempting to live up to the expectations of others, but they pale in comparison to the harm we do when we torture ourselves with our own.

Here is the flawed logic we use. We think a flawed person can craft a strategy to be an unflawed person. The flaw in that argument is that we’re flawed at all.

It’s the perceived flaw that keeps us from reaching our expectations.

Yes, it’s sound benchmarking to do periodic comparisons between where we are and where we want to be, but it becomes pure theatre when we act as if we are flawed.

A flawed person cannot get to where they want to go until they rid themselves of the notion they are flawed.

When you accept who you are and where you are, you increase your odds for reaching your expectations.

Back to the weight loss example: If you came to the realization that you are 50 pound heavier than you would like to be and crafted a sound plan to get there, that’s a step in the right direction. Here’s how that plan gets thwarted:

“I am a fat, lazy slob that needs to lose 50 pounds. I’m going to go on a diet and get to where I expect to be.”

Your expectation is filled with poisonous energy. There is no hint of acceptance in your plan. You are doomed to repeat your failures.

Try this on for size. “According to the height, weight and age charts, I’m 50 pounds overweight. I’m going to seek out a plan that helps me reach that goal.”

The goal is the same in both cases; the methods for getting there are vastly different. The difference that makes a difference is acceptance.

When you accept where you are without all the personal invective and then execute a plan, your expectation has a far greater chance of materializing.

Great expectations can happen but not if you remained flawed.

Start your journey with acceptance and expect to do much better.

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper visited yesterday afternoon and delivered this: “Defining happiness is an impediment to happiness.”

It felt like a revealing statement but I had no logic to go with it, until now.

Happiness is a feeling accompanied by a quiet frame of mind.

Defining happiness is a drawn out, noisy state of affairs.

Defining happiness goes something like this: “I’ll be happy when . . .”

The “. . .” represents the noise in your mind.

When you keep the definition carrot in the forefront of your mind, you define happiness as a future event that remains elusive. That noise distracts you from being happy now.

The question most of us rarely ask is: “How can I be happy now?”

If there is an opportunity to feel happiness, that question will short circuit all the noise about its future arrival, and focus you on your ability to feel that feeling now.

Happiness isn’t a planned event. Planning on being happy is creating noise that keeps its arrival at arm’s length.

There is no harm in thinking about the things that make you happy. That bit of reverie actually produces wonderful feelings in your body. It’s when you concoct a precise course for its arrival that you crank up the noise machine that keeps you unhappy.

When you ask, “How can I be happy now?” you are presented with current options versus potential pleasure.

Statements like, “When I get married, then I’ll be happy” or “When we have money, then we’ll be happy” keep the focus on your current unhappiness.

Unhappiness is noisy and happiness isn’t.

The quickest way to find the serenity of happiness is to find out how you can be happy now. It may not be the ultimate happiness that’s in your grand plan, but it conditions you to feel happiness in the moment. This practice of feeling happy now gets you into the habit of doing so, and it builds happiness without a defined diagram.

Planning for future happiness is a guaranteed way to miss the happiness that’s present now.

When you catch yourself caught up in crafting plans for future happiness, bring yourself back to the moment and ask, “How Can I be happy now?”

All the best,

John

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I don’t have any statistics to back this up, but my guess is that low information voters make up about 85 to 90% of the electorate.

Low information voters are like the first O.J. Simpson jury – easily pandered to.

Who is a low information voter? – Anyone who considers only one point of view.

Whether you are an exclusive, dyed-in-the-wool viewer of either Fox News or MSNBC, you do yourself a disservice by not looking at what the other side is presenting.

Even if you are intelligent enough to read the articles in either the National Review or Mother Jones Magazine, you remain a low information voter if you refuse to entertain what the other is saying.

If you vote a straight ticket, you are a low information voter. “My father was a Whig, therefore I’m a Whig.”

They say that people vote their pocketbook in an election, but the low information voter is having their pocket picked when they vote their prejudices.

Low information voters are being used by the high priced, media message shapers to get their candidate elected. They pander to your prejudice. They find out what you hate and make the opposing candidate responsible for it.

Politics is a dirty business but it is the only system we have, and it beats chaos.

Here’s the rub: Low information voters determine who gets elected in every election.

I only have one request. If you participate in the voting process, find out what the other candidate really stands for before casting your vote, not what your candidate’s ads say about them.

The truth is we are all easily led and someone else is making our choice for us. So to make sure you have a real choice when it comes to voting, set your prejudices aside for a moment and look at things from the other side of the fence.

It accomplishes two things.

1. It keeps you from being a low information voter.
2. It helps you reclaim your freedom of choice.

Odds are if you don’t think this blog post refers to you, you are a low information voter with no choice.

All the best,

John

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Do you belong to a club other than the human race?

That club is exclusionary.

It doesn’t matter how noble the purpose of your club, by forming it, you have excluded others from joining.

“I’m a member of the left-handed smoke shifters” may have been what some early American Indian said to another tribe member.

It’s commonly universal to exclude, but some have made it into an art form.

For example, all religions are exclusionary. They are expressing a specific preference for how to worship God. Where it becomes a sticky-wicket is when they have no tolerance for others’ preferences. That’s when we get to see the ugly side of exclusion.

I got an email the other day that read, "Is Mr. Morgan a Christian? I am debating with lots of prayer to seek help with smoking. I have to know this before I make a decision."

My response included the following, "I wonder if you were lying on the sidewalk, gasping for air, if you would care whether the person giving you life saving, mouth-to-mouth resuscitation was a

Christian or not."

Look at this moron in Florida, who calls himself a man of God, getting ready to burn another religion's holy book. That's exclusion and superiority to the highest degree with no concern for others, only for his holier than thou agenda.

Divide and conquer has been part of military instruction since the time of Sun Tzu. The art of peace has no room for exclusion.

Belonging to a club is harmless unless you use its tenets to club someone else over the head.

It's easier to spot differences than it is to find common ground, and that universal display of laziness has exclusion grow into a hardened mindset that has no opening for peace.

When you add up all the clubs that exist on earth, the number you come up with is "One."

We all belong to the same club and the minute we begin excluding people from being members, we lose our peace.

I'm certain that all religions would agree with the sentiment that was expressed in another holy book. It reads, "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all."

All the best,

John

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Where does your patience rank?

Here’s the continuum: At one end is the patience of Job, and on the other end, your patience has the life span of a fruit fly.

It’s fun to determine where you fall on the scale, but the reality is this: It takes the time it takes. Reminds me of an old joke and an old story . . .

(Joke) A veteran surgeon is mentoring a new doctor and the young doctor seeks the elder’s advice. He asks, “What does it take to be a successful surgeon?” The older doctor answered him with two words: Patience and patients.

(Story) Two surgeons (One experienced and the other new) are doing open heart surgery on a patient. The older surgeon explains that they only have 45 seconds to do a delicate procedure, otherwise the patient will die. He notices the sweat soaking through the young surgeon’s mask and says, “We’ll have plenty of time if we don’t rush.”

Patience is the ability not to rush something. It’s also knowing that the answer is worth waiting for.

There is a part of you that knows when you are rushing. Just look back on your own experience and catalog how often you were successful when you rushed. My guess is it was a rarity.

You know what that feeling feels like and you know its abysmal success rate. Now it’s time to put that feeling to productive use. You can use it to be a springboard for patience. Here’s how:

1. Notice that you feel rushed.
2. Take a deep breath, sigh it out and wonder what the best way to proceed is.
3. Wait for an answer.

These three steps will get you to a solution quicker than a free range, headless chicken.

The answer will come; you just have to engage the part of you that knows how to be patient. That begins by noticing you are rushing.

The answer will come as an idea or an action. Your job is to wait for it and act on it.

You’ll have plenty of time if you don’t rush.

All the best,

John

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I worship a God that even atheists can believe in – Creativity.

Everyone has the ability to be creative. Creativity is within each of us.

We were born with this indwelling godliness called creativity.

And look how creative you have to be to claim you’re not creative. You had to create a mindset to believe that.

Most believe that something created the universe – Big Bang or your God. Either way, that was one spectacular display of creativity.

If you are a believer in the Book of Genesis, you read, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”

That more than suggests that you have God’s greatest quality, creativity, within you.

On the other hand, you may deem the Bible as a collection of fables and want scientific thinking on being the image and likeness of a creative force. Look no further than Quantum Physicist, David Bohm who said, “In some sense man is a microcosm of the universe; therefore what man is, is a clue to the universe.”

Man is creative. Not just some men, but every man or woman.

Creativity is our Godliness, whether you believe in a God or not.

Creativity is a lot easier to believe in. And like our notion of God, it’s ever present and available to us every day.

This is not a request to give up your God or your belief that God doesn’t exist; it’s an invitation to recognize the Godly power of creativity.

No one can create exactly like you. You are a unique expression of the creative power we all have.

Our creativity shines most when we set aside the thoughts that we’re not creative. That simply means to create some quiet time for yourself each day where you can allow your critical consciousness to calm down and let your creativity abound.

In honor of Labor Day and the men and women workers who create things for us every day, let us also pay homage to the indwelling force of creativity that infuses that labor with our brand of Godliness.

All the best,

John

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Did you ever notice that there’s lots of middle ground between start and finish.

It’s where life is lived.

There are those among us who make many starts and rarely finish. There are others, who are so focused on finishing, that they zip by what’s in the center.

Both sets of folks are ignoring life’s prime real estate in the middle.

Life is consciously doing, not the thinking about doing or having the doing be on automatic pilot.

Life is the dash between dates as we can easily see when we view a grave stone. Many are dashing through life, missing its essence while robotically doing tasks; while others’ lives never begin because they are busy conjuring up new starts that fizzle after take-off.

Both miss the middle.

Life is at its fullest when there is an awareness of what you are doing.

Take exercise for example. There are those who perpetually plan to start a program and never do, and there are others who regularly finish their routine without giving attention to it. They both miss the aliveness which is a natural byproduct of aware doing.

Life is felt most when we are actively engaged in it.

Doing it by rote or avoiding doing it at all, are at opposite ends of life.

There’s a reason they put the sweetest part of an Oreo cookie in the middle.

If you are waiting for the excitement of life to begin, you have to start and actively engage in every step. If you feel life is passing you by, you are passing it by by not slowing down and enjoying the steps from start to finish.

I know a couple who were always announcing how anxious they were to have their kids grow up and be out of the house. Now that that has officially happened, this same couple has moved across country to be near their children. They missed that middle ground of life by not actively engaging in it.

Actively doing is the missing piece in most peoples’ lives. They are busy missing the present moment by either planning a future that never starts, or focusing on the finish line while blindly running by all the sights.

Between start and finish is where the sweetness is found. It’s called “Now.”

Actively engage in now and enhance the quality of your dash.

All the best,

John

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