I woke up with the word “glue” on my mind this morning. I had to let the term set for a bit before I could appreciate the larger concept it adhered to.

It struck me how glued we are to our thoughts, positions and actions, especially the ones not working for us.

It’s as though we have a sign glued to our back that says, “Kick Me,” but we can’t see it, and wonder why we’re getting our donkey kicked.

Looking in the mirror is a great practice, but it dawned on me that we can’t reflect on what we can’t see.

That’s where the addition of another mirror comes in handy.

A hand mirror, working in tandem with a larger mirror, gives you the ability to expand your view of you.

Your hand mirror is the hidden part of you that reveals more than even the largest surface mirror can reflect.

Using it is how you find the glue that keeps things stuck to you.

Where in life do you keep gumming up the works? If you don’t know, be brave and ask a close friend or family member and they will tell you. There is a repeating pattern that causes you to run into the same sticky-wicket with whomever you meet.

You can’t seem to help yourself. You get the same results time after time even though you’ve made many adjustments to yourself in the big mirror.

The way to never discover that the back of your hair remains uncombed is to justify what you have been doing, even though it isn’t working. That’s called arguing for your limitations. It’ll keep you in a sticky mess.

So how do we get a more complete view so we can remove the glue? Recognize that you have a hand mirror – a part of you that expands your view.

The next step is to ask this part of you what to do. This request is best asked before going into a time of quiet reflection. Your request could be as simple as this: Reveal to me the part that I can’t see.

Remember: You can only go to work on what you can see.

If your constantly sticking to your guns and your ever present thought is, “They don’t get me,” you are oblivious to the sign glued to your back that says, “Pee on Me.”

The overarching reality is this: Everyone gets you but you.

If you ever decide that you want to see what they’re seeing, so that you can make some real adjustments, get quiet and find your magic mirror.

All the best,

John

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If you haven’t heard the story of “The Tortoise and The Hare,” you have lived a sheltered life, perhaps living in a shell.

One moral gleaned from the original story is that the race doesn’t always go to the swiftest.

I’d like to look at the tortoise and the hare from a different angle.

My notion is that we are both the tortoise and the hare, but we believe we are only one of them. If I may dare say it, our mantra is: “That’s the way I am.”

I haven’t yet completely outgrown my bristle to that phrase, mainly because there’s a part of me that still believes it – The tortoise part.

The tortoise is always looking for the safe way where there are no potential bumps and bruises. This causes the tortoise to retreat to his shell and if that’s all he does, he becomes shellshocked.

The hare gets us out there. It’s the more adventuresome part of us that takes risks.

I would say that we need to balance the two parts of us but that would be inaccurate. Perfect balance means a stalemate. But if you’ve labeled yourself as one or the other, and it’s not working for you, you require a new mixture of these two parts.

Abandoning your shell is too risky for most and it’s not the way I would recommend. I think inching out of your shell and experiencing the outside world a bit at a time builds confidence that you can function out there. It will lead to further excursions and perhaps even vacations away from your shell.

The hare is running away from home. It’s our free spirit wanting to see all that it can see. It often takes us too far out on a limb for a better vantage point of those new vistas, and we experience our share of avoidable crashes and burns.

If you have labeled yourself as one of these characters, you have missed an opportunity to discover that other part of you.

It’s fun to be both and it’s less limiting because the tortoise gets to see new things and the hare finds the comfort of home.

The prescription for the tortoise is: Stick your neck out; the way home for the hare is to sit out a race or two.

If you want to win the rat race, it does go to the swiftest. If you want to be the “Biggest Loser” in the truest sense of the phrase, eat nothing but turtle soup.

If you want to live a fuller life, give up the idea that you are one or the other and seek out the complimentary part of you, which will allow you the flexibility to live out the famous phrase: “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.”

All the best,

John

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I think it’s time to come clean and wear my religion on my sleeve. Like everyone else who has a religion, I believe mine is the one, true religion.

My religion is “Creativity.” I don’t think there is anything else that comes close to revealing a person’s God qualities like creativity.

Everyone has access to creativity; you just have to get into the proper frame of mind to tap into it.

Kind of like “The Force” in Star Wars, you can use your creativity for good or evil. For example, you could be a creative liar or a creative dancer. Creativity doesn’t care. It will flow to the place you direct it.

Reminds me of a story I may have told before . . .
My mother was a waitress in Philadelphia. Over the years, she ran into many characters in her line of work. One guy was an affable arsonist. If someone wanted their building burned down to collect the insurance money, he was the guy to see.

The key was to fool the fire inspectors so they wouldn’t suspect arson. His creative method was to go find some sewer rats and put them in a cage. The night of the fire, he would dip them in kerosene and take them inside the building and light them on fire.

The rats would run and climb up the curtains attempting to escape their flame. Everything they came in contact with started to burn. When the fire inspectors arrived on the scene, all they saw was the rubble from the inferno and never suspected the dead rats that they found were the cause. They just figured they died in the fire.

Legend has it that this guy owed the wrong people some money and wound up somewhere in the pine barrens of South Jersey.

Again, creativity doesn’t care, but it’s always there.

The key to tapping your creativity is to:

A. Know it’s available 24-7.

B. Enter a quiet frame of mind.

Creativity wasn’t created for other people; it’s for you too.

Here is one method for getting it to flow: Ask a question of yourself, get quiet, and wait for an answer.

It’s that simple.

Your mind will attempt to fool you while you do this exercise. it will attempt to lure you into debate. When that happens, you know you are not in your creative place. They key is to ask a question and let your mind become still.

There are plenty of ways to quiet your mind. Find the one that works best for you and make mind quieting part of your daily ritual. Some call the practice, “Mental Floss.”

Finding your ticket to creativity is not a long, complicated process. Simply stated, the ride starts when your train of thought stops.

I wonder how you’ll use your creativity. Will you use it to create a fire in your belly to accomplish something constructive or will you use it to burn your bridges?

The only donation my religion asks of you is your contribution of quiet.

All the best,

John

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We’ve all heard of tunnel vision. That’s where we are focused on one thing to the exclusion of all other things. Tunnel vision causes us to miss a lot.

(cue the announcer) Introducing “Funnel Vision.”

Funnel vision has you take in everything and only use what’s productive.

Brainstorming is funnel vision at work. You take in everything and then later distill all the data into the most promising ideas.

If you are selective as to what gets into your funnel, you cheat yourself out of potential greatness. The greatest idea can come from the silliest source.

Funnel vision doesn’t mean going out and looking for every source. That would make your mission all about seeking rather than finding. Funnel vision means to say “Yes” to all input and let it distill into something special.

In the past, my natural reaction was “No” to anything that didn’t fit into my preconceived notions. That default reaction caused tunnel vision.

Reminds me of a story . . . About 15 years ago, my wife bought 4 tickets through her work to the “Stars on Ice” show coming to the local civic center. Her plan was for us to go to the show with another couple in the neighborhood.

My immediate reaction was that I wasn’t going to such a frilly event. “Ooh, look at the beautiful costumes” was my snarky comment. To my mind, it had “girls night out” written all over it. I could visualize myself in the stands tapping my foot and crossing one leg over the other all evening long.

But, for whatever reason, I decided I would go, begrudgingly.

What I thought I would see and what I actually saw were two different visions. My tunnel vision had me seeing sequins, skirts and skates. My funnel vision treated me to one of the most athletic performances I have ever seen in person. It was spellbinding and breathtaking.

The lesson I learned from this story is to take a breath. That means not to answer so quickly. The quick, patterned answer has you put a lid on your funnel. Delaying your response opens you up and allows for more information, which may mix with what’s already in there into a more valuable response.

When you open your funnel, you can still ultimately say “No” but it will be a more informed “No.”

One of the quickest ways to enrich your experience is to open your funnel. It will lead to more tasty experiences. After all, who ever heard of “Tunnel Cakes”?

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper nuzzled up close yesterday after I responded to an email from one of my coaching clients and said this: “Life is a contact sport.”

I encouraged this client, along with many others over the years, to make more contact with human beings. It’s in others that we find out the most about ourselves. They reflect back parts of us that we don’t know we have or believe we have, productive parts and not so productive parts.

Making connections with others will not only reveal more of yourself to you, it will also show you the multiplying effect of connection.

You get the things you want in life from other people. You can sit in your easy chair and daydream about your desires but it’s going to take connection with others to make them happen.

Connections are the magic beans that are available to us at all times. What happens to magic beans when they don’t get planted? They sit on the shelf and dry up, just like we do when we don’t get our hands dirty and put them in fertile soil.

Other people are the fertile soil we need to make our desires grow to fruition. You can sit and play Solitaire day after day cheating yourself out of all the rewards that Monopoly has to offer.

Yes, there is risk in playing with others, but if you choose to pass up the chance and go it alone, your reward is a life filled with unfulfilled dreams and disconnection.

Making contact with people is only the beginning. After we make contact, we have to make requests. It’s no different than the first dance you went to. You may meet other people at the event but if you want to dance and don’t ask someone else, the only contact you’ll make is when your fanny hits the chair you’ll be sitting in all night.

The world is your oyster unless you clam up and dig yourself into the sand.

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to make contact with others and make requests. It’s a magic formula, but it’s only magical if you use it.

All the best,

John

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I read a quote on my tea bag the other morning from writer, humorist, poet, Dorothy Parker. It read: “The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.”

It got me to thinking about boredom. It’s my experience that when we say we’re bored, we are really saying that we are bored with our thoughts. They are the same, stale thoughts that have been coming around for years.

The common wisdom is: Change your thoughts and change your life, but you cannot change your thoughts without getting curious about what else is available.

Curiosity is a catalyst.

I must admit that, in the past, I wasn’t as curious as I am now. Sometimes I got so caught up in a position, an ideology, or the right way of doing things, that there was no room for something new to enter. Let’s be kind and call it what it is – Being a Know-it-All.

When you know it all, there is no room for anything new. And most know-it-alls I’ve known, including me, were easily bored, and could be quite boring when they talked about the same thing.

Ms. Parker was spot on; curiosity is the saving grace to boredom.

But in order to get curious, you have to recognize that you are bored. It’s the recognition of that state of mind, while it’s happening, that will open the door to curiosity.

Noticing your boredom in midstream gets you to wonder what else is possible. It gets you curious as to what else is available.

Curiosity has a way of breaking the bonds of boredom and letting in new light that illuminates new pathways with new ideas.

If you are a dyed-in-the-wool Know-it-All, take it from one who’s been there, you’re boring the pants off people and you’re boring yourself to death.

Curiosity is the cure. It may have killed the cat, but it is the best catalyst for pulling your head out of a dark orifice.

All the best,

John

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While I was cooking dinner last night, The Grasshopper popped in and offered a tasty tidbit – “The Verge of Distinction.”

I had to chew on that for awhile.

I certainly knew what verge of extinction meant, but this turn of a phrase got me curious.

I turned to the dictionary and read many meanings for “distinction,” but this one caught my eye: “Excellence that sets someone apart from others.”

Then this question arose: “What excellence do you possess and project that sets you apart from others in a way that benefits you all?

In the past, I have referred to that excellence as “Your Gift.” We were given something that we didn’t have to work at, that comes to us easily, sets us apart from others, and this distinctive gift gives us an opportunity to use it to our and others’ advantage.

The Verge of Distinction is recognizing and using your gift.

Non recognition is what keeps people in jobs and pursuits they’re unsuited for. Reminds me of a story . . .

I took the last job I had in my broadcasting career for the wrong reason – Money.

I certainly had the credentials and the skill set for the position, but what I was denying was that this job was going to delay me from doing something I was more suited for at that stage in my life.

The good news, although it didn’t seem like it at the time, was getting fired from that job. After the scary thoughts of being without work calmed down, I realized what an opportunity this was.

It became clear to me that I was using what came easy to me, communicating, in too small of an arena and it had been benefiting but a few. Although I was handsomely compensated, in the larger scheme of things, it was a Lose-Lose proposition.

I didn’t have the guts to quit; I had to wait for reality to cut off my pay and open my eyes to a new way.

Perhaps you’re at a crossroads in life and wondering, “what’s next?” Before you take that next step, consider your gift and how best it can be applied so that more than a few will benefit. That’s the “Verge of Distinction.”

How can you distinctively use your gift? It’s something to get curious about. Here’s how: Write down this question on a note card and place it by your bedside: “How can I best use my gift?”

Ask the question of yourself each night before going off to sleep and don’t act too surprised when an answer comes to you from out of the blue. Make a habit of asking yourself this type of question before entering a quiet state of mind or before retiring for the night.

This practice will open your eyes to distinctive new ways of making your old ways extinct.

All the best,

John

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It’s my experience that most people have been exposed to “The Moment.” The Moment is a time when time stood still. There was nothing else to focus on but what was right there.

People remember The Moment and mistakenly attempt to recreate it by revisiting the place where The Moment occurred. The Moment cannot be recreated because each one is like a snowflake, never to be duplicated.

The Moment is available each moment but we fail to notice because we have The Moment cataloged as an event. An event may have happened in The Moment, but it is not The Moment.

The Moment is an ever present sacred place where life happens. We become too busy with our life’s circumstances to notice the presence of The Moment. In fact, there are many who are so far away from The Moment that they don’t know The Moment exists.

When we get caught up in our life’s situations, we become blind to The Moment. We forget that it exists, and by forgetting, we fall into the trap of attempting to capture time in a bottle.

No moment is more potent than another. They all contain the same power – the ability to live life now.

We either spend most of our life dwelling on the past, which no longer exists, or in the imagined future which won’t be any different if we don’t pay attention to The Moment we’re in now.

This moment is the only time there is. If you close your eyes to it, you close yourself off to the opportunities it presents.

When you are in the moment, you are in a powerhouse of creativity. It’s the only time where any action can take place. You can’t act in the past, which is gone, and you can’t act in the future which isn’t here yet. You can only act now. Remember: When the future does get here, it won’t be the future; it will be now.

Now is the only time there is and now is “The Moment.”

Start noticing that The Moment is always here. The more often you notice and focus on right now, the more life you will live, rather than waiting for life to happen.

Your life begins when you focus on the moment you’re in.

All the best,

John

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It’s my opinion that the word “prejudiced” is tossed around too easily, too often, and may not be an accurate reflection of the facts.

The Grasshopper opened my eyes to this distinction the other day when he asked: “Does it make you prejudiced if you’re uncomfortable?”

Perhaps a little groundwork would be helpful. We get many of our beliefs by accident, by social, cultural and parental conditioning. I call it the “Hatfield and McCoy Syndrome.” People get many of their prejudices handed to them early on without their permission.

They act out many of these a accidental beliefs for a lifetime, sometimes to their advantage and quite often to their disadvantage.

Somewhere along the way you may begin to question one of these beliefs that you find isn’t working for you. You are presented with new information that counters what you have always believed and you begin to have psychological, back and forth arguments in your head. This may lead you to form a new intellectual belief on the topic. You now stand up and speak out for this new position.

Now comes the sticky wicket.

What if you are presented with a real live example of your old belief vs. your new belief? If you describe what you now think, you may be credited, in some circles, for your enlightened view. If you make the mistake of describing how you feel, that same circle may label you prejudiced.

Let’s take one of the talk show “Hot Topics” out for a spin – Gay Marriage.

Let’s pretend you grew up in a culture where homosexual behavior was labeled deviant, unholy, ungodly and plain old sick. You may still hold to that opinion, or you may have intellectually outgrown that position and now give voice in support of their cause.

Let’s further imagine that you decide to go to a rally to support gay marriage and then find yourself terribly uncomfortable seeing some people of the same sex romantically kissing even though you believe in their right to do so.

Are you prejudiced or are you uncomfortable?

If you give voice to that discomfort, there will be many that will still label you as prejudiced. That’s evidence of most people not appreciating the “Hatfield and McCoy Syndrome.”

Your conditioning will often take longer than your intellect to kick into gear. Your comfort level with your new opinion may lag behind.

Each generation of the Hatfields and McCoys watered down their feud to the point that it no longer engendered the level of discomfort that once existed. It took time.

It may take time for your discomfort to go away; that doesn’t mean you are prejudiced and can’t express your “something new” to say.

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper joined me for tea this morning and said, “Love comes through you, not from you.”

The meaning was immediately clear to me. Love is always available, although seemingly not always present.

When someone you love moves on or passes away, the love doesn’t go away because the source that love came from never breaks up with you or dies.

Love is still present even though the person isn’t. It’s no longer being expressed to you through them, but it’s still available in inexhaustible amounts.

Let’s move away from love for a moment and talk about money. Let’s pretend that you are in line for a big inheritance from your rich uncle. You find out at the reading of the will that he left everyone a sizable sum except you. He cited that he left your entire share to the cat hospital. You are shocked, angry and feel unloved. Now suppose that you hit the lottery that same day for even more money than your uncle was supposed to leave you.

The money came to you, but you may, after the initial euphoria, still be upset that you didn’t get it from your uncle.

We develop preferences where love has to come from and when it doesn’t come from that source, we feel unloved. Our sadness from our loss may pass with the passage of time, but the love will never pass away.

Love is always available; you just have to be open to it to allow it to come to and through you. If you have a preference where love has to come from, you may spend the rest of your life feeling unloved.

You may, as the old adage says, not be able to live on love alone, but living without it is a lonely existence.

Let me leave you with the opening lyrics from a song called, “Love is All Around.”

I feel it in my fingers
I feel it in my toes
Love is all around me
And so the feeling grows

All the best,

John

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