It seems like just about everyone wants their life to be a masterpiece. That’s too big of a challenge even for the most skilled.

The catch-all, beneath the surface pattern driving this desire can be summed up as, “I want it all.” Truth be told, you couldn’t handle it all even if it were possible.

Most often, when we go for it all, we wind up with none, or, at least, very little.

Look at professional athletes. They excel in a certain area of their sport and fall short in another. Take golf for example. Some professional golfers can drive the ball a mile, but can’t putt. Others have mastered the sand trap (please call them bunkers) but can’t make a chip shot around the green.

Even Tiger Woods & Phil Mickelson, unarguably two of the best players in the game today, can’t keep their drives on the fairway with consistency.

People who approach mastery have mastered a piece.

They have found their niche and they fill it. This doesn’t mean that they give up attempting to improve weaknesses; the great ones always do. They just don’t go for it all, at least not at once.

The Grasshopper was in a rhyming mood this morning and said this: “Going for it all leads to a fall.” Again, Tiger Woods is the Humpty Dumpty example.

The NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) people call mastering a piece “Chunking down.” You just can’t eat a whole cow at once.

When you break something down in to pieces, it’s a lot easier to master. People become experts on their piece. Doctors, lawyers and Indian Chiefs specialize and it makes them special.

Whether in your profession or your personal life, it pays to go micro. You can’t be all things to all people and if you keep trying, you’ll miss every time.

Like with all great adventures, start small. Find a manageable piece and polish it to perfection. You may not be the world’s best baker but no one will be able to beat your brownies.

Everyone is good at something. Master that piece. You won’t get it all, but you’ll get all that matters.

All the best,

John

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I don’t know how many times I’ve said, “The universe is for expansion,” but I know it’s a lot.

Yesterday, I was having a counter-thought. I wanted it to contract to the days of yore and the “Blue Laws.”

I grew up in Pennsylvania and most stores were closed on Sunday. I always heard it was due to the Blue Laws.

I felt for the people who had to work yesterday. A part of me just wanted them to be home with their families.

But, for the most part, families are scattered these days and you can only see Ed Sullivan on DVD now.

Part of me wanted to wear a new Easter outfit, but I was out shopping in old jeans. We used to call them dungarees.

Customs were easier to follow back then because most people did – now they don’t.

The reality is that the universe is for expansion but part of me wanted to rail against that reality yesterday.

I finally arrived at a solution that worked for me. I just took a few minutes to catalogue some of my favorite memories from Easter Sundays gone by and enjoyed the warm fuzzies attached to each memory.

It was a pleasant trip down memory lane with lots of smiles and tender feelings.

I really had a wonderful day in spite of it not being yesteryear, but the universe must have been listening because the day was topped off with a wonderful surprise.

My son was visiting with his mother and he brought home a few old pictures. Imagine my surprise when one of them was a picture of me and my father all dressed up at the Jersey shore posing for a picture on the beach on Easter Sunday.

All the best,

John

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I live in Rhode Island and if you’ve been following the news, we’ve been flooded by the recent, record rainfall.

It’s not fun, and for some it’s complete inundation.

The best news is the sun is on the horizon and better days are here.

Many people are forced into activity they’re not accustomed to in a challenging situation. When they take action, they are no longer flooded with the burdensome thoughts they had before getting it in gear.

Activity serves as a dam to the mental flood. It’s a temporary fix because when the activity stops, the flood of thought returns.

Many people use activity as a diversion to escape their thoughts. You know the type – always doing something.

When you request that they slow down, you always get a defense that goes something like this: “If I don’t do it, it won’t get done.”

They really believe it’s about the task; it rarely is. They just need to be active. My experience is that they don’t like themselves all that much. They pay too much attention to the voice in their head that constantly tells them they are not enough. What better way to calm that voice than to be active?

Please don’t confuse activity with an active person. There is a difference. An active person can turn off the activity; the always active seemingly can’t.

The person who is eternally active generally looks on others who don’t match their activity level as lazy. They’ve bought into a belief that they are not enough, so they are always doing to prove the voice in their head wrong.

It seems odd but the couch potato is a kindred spirit to these folks because they are also looking to turn off the flood of thoughts by doing mind numbing activities like non-stop TV watching.

The exceedingly active person may find their way to drugs or alcohol as a sedative for their onslaught of thoughts.

Never in a million years would these folks figure out that the answer to their dilemma is to STOP and spend time with their thoughts.

This time with your thoughts is not a debate with yourself. It’s more of an exercise to unemotionally observe the thoughts that drive you to become active to escape them.

The more often you take time to observe your mind at work, you’ll find that your thought process calms down and then so do you – and for many, without any of what the Rolling Stones called “Mother’s Little Helpers.”

I admire energetic people who get things done. I feel sorry for those locked into activity for activity’s sake. It’s such a waste of energy piling up those sandbags on a daily basis when the calming solution is as close as observing your next thought.

If you are perpetually active, this message is for you. You are more than enough. To have that belief sink in, you just need to shift your activity to becoming more observant.

All the best,

John

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I was traveling last week and I’m always amazed at the new perspective you get when returning home.

Home base is a refuge. It really doesn’t matter where you’ve been or what you’ve done, returning home is comforting, unless you live in a house.

A home is a living entity whereas a house is just a place to hang your hat.

How comfortable do you feel at home?

Do you constantly feel the need to get out of the house? If so, it’s not a home.

People who reside somewhere, but don’t have a place they call home, are searchers. They are seeking something outside themselves in order to get that homey feel.

They are empty inside looking to fill themselves with outward pursuits and treasures. They are renting space in their own body because they can’t find their way home.

Coming home is the mission for us all. After countless searches for the missing piece, we finally arrive at a crossroads. It’s the choice we make here that will keep us house hunting or putting down roots.

The choice we get to make is to keep wandering or to come home.

To keep wandering is easy – just keep doing what you’re doing.

Coming home requires a shift.

The shift is, first, one of perspective. The angle of approach is that you have to view yourself as enough. When you can grasp that there is nothing missing in you, you can go on to step two.

Step two is shifting your awareness inward. That means to find that peaceful, homey place that is always waiting for you. It’s easy to find when you climb out of your mind.

You have difficulty finding your way home if you allow your backseat driver (the voice in your head that tells you you’re not enough) to try and guide you there. You’ll be all over the map and won’t find home.

When you start to notice that the voice in your head is not you, but an attack machine that never wants peace, you start to create space between your thoughts. It’s in this space that you discover home.

Once you figure out that the voice in your head is not you, you discover that its mission has always been to make sure you don’t feel like enough. That belief will keep you wandering.

When you begin to notice and create space, you breathe in the rejuvenating spirit of being home where you’re always accepted and where you’re always enough.

All the best,

John

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While cutting up an apple this morning, my internal voice said, “Be smart about this.”

I was carelessly cutting in a direction where I could have done harm to myself when I got the directive. I switched directions with the knife and lessened the possibility of bloodletting.

Something like this happens quite often with all of us so it’s rather commonplace, unless you make the discovery I did this morning.

It was the way the message was communicated. It was a directive that told me what to do – not what not to do. There is a major difference.

I’m reminded of a scene from one of my favorite movies, “Working Girl” where Melanie Griffith is walking down the streets of New York on her way to an extremely important meeting saying aloud to herself, “Don’t F*** up.” I remember having the thought at that time that it would be a much better directive if she had gotten a thought about what she wanted to accomplish rather than what she didn’t want. Of course, that was only a movie.

What flavor are your real life directives? Do you hear what to do or what not to do? If you begin to notice and adjust, you’ll be able to provide your mind with more useful information with which to work.

I come under the broad category of “people helper.” The number of people who tell me what they don’t want is astonishing. Just one little shift in perspective would increase their odds exponentially in getting what they do want. It’s a matter of what you focus on.

When you interrupt enough “don’t want” thoughts in your head and restate them as what you “do want,” you train your mind to give you “do want” directives automatically.

“I don’t want to be sick” is not a clear enough directive. It only says what you don’t want. “I want to be well” is a much clearer target to shoot for. Yes, it would be helpful to define what you mean by “well” but this is more about getting your mind to deliver the initial “do want” directives.

It takes practice and the time spent is well worth the effort.

Just observe your mind at work and you’ll hear your flavor of directives. Chances are they are mostly the “don’t want” variety. I don’t claim that you’ll automatically get what you do want by automating this process, but you’ll be steps closer.

“Don’t think of the color blue” automatically has you consider the color blue. It’s the way our mind works. “I don’t want to be sick” has you consider sickness before you consider being well. It’s an extra step that scatters your focus and delays your desire.

There are many productive uses of “don’t” in therapy, communication and advertising that are topics for another discussion. This discussion is about getting into the habit of focusing your mind on what you do want.

It’s the difference between apples and band aids.

All the best,

John

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While drinking a cup of tea the other day, it became apparent to me that “Perfectly Balanced” is a temporary condition.

It got me to wondering how we spend so much time seeking something that’s temporary.

I wish I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard someone say they need balance in their life as though it was something that was stationary.

Even a rocket going to the moon is off course better than 90% of the time.

What would really be useful is not perfect balance – there’s too much tension in holding that position, but a course correction mechanism that brings us back towards balance.

There is certainly a wonderful feeling attached when all the planets are aligned, but seeking that euphoria on a permanent basis makes us no more than a junkie needing a fix or a sot seeking their sauce.

The correction mechanism is recognition.

Recognizing that you are out of balance is often the only step needed toward stasis.

Balance is a state that we pass through – not one where we set down roots and settle.

You can’t build on balance because it’s a shifting foundation. Think of balance as perfection – an ideal to shoot for, but be prepared for the low score from the Russian judge.

When you recognize you are off balance, you activate a built-in guidance system that brings you back towards the center. Chances are you aren’t going to stay there long, so enjoy the visit.

Also, enjoy the ride. If the only purpose of your trip is getting to a destination, then it will be a tension filled ride.

Noticing you are out of balance brings the goal back in sight. They key is to continue to notice. Gravitating back towards balance is a life-long job. The more often we recognize we’re off course, the more often we get closer to the gravitational pull of balance. When we are in the orbit of balance, life goes more smoothly.

No one has it all together. No one is in perfect balance. The person to emulate is the person who recognizes they’re off course and then course corrects.

You can become your own role model. All you have to do is recognize you’re off balance.

All the best,

John

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It’s the thing that makes most advertising work – LCD.

It’s a math term many of us have forgotten, until we remember – LCD.

It’s the thing that allows most people to be lead – LCD

It’s why Rush Limbaugh & Glenn Beck have such huge followings – LCD.

What makes inane sitcoms with stereotypical characters and tired, predictable, old jokes so appealing? LCD!

Is Jay Leno the funniest comedian you’ve ever seen? Probably not, but he makes the most money. LCD.

LCD – LOWEST COMMON DENOMINATOR

There was a TV General Manager in Rhode Island who got in trouble for telling the truth to a class of college journalism students. He said that TV and TV news is programmed for the lowest common denominator. The public took offense. Why? Because they didn’t want to be associated with that group.

We are all part of that group no matter how much we believe we’re above it.

The lowest common denominator is that we’re all humans – focused on our imperfections and easily led.

What are we being led to? To the part of us we believe we are missing.

That’s why we buy the products and become followers. It’s rarely out of need; it’s mostly driven by desire. “Be all you can be.”

I don’t fault the marketers or panderers. The gold mine is there, so why not mine it?

The secret the LCD manipulators don’t want you to know is that there’s nothing missing.

You are a complete package. You arrived complete and the only thing that has changed is that you’ve forgotten.

Forgetting your completeness is much like awaking from a dream and having the details fade away with each eye blink.

Completeness has nothing to do with your intellect or your skill set. Completeness is a sensation that everything is taken care of. It’s not the mental concept of “everything will be all right.” Completeness is more of a sensate knowing that you’ll be able to respond to life.

You don’t need someone’s 6-step plan to respond to life; you just need to remember that you already own that skill. It’s part of the package you came with.

Did you ever have someone show you something useful on your computer that was always there but you never knew it? Completeness has always been there.

You’ll never be complete in your head because completeness is not an intellectual knowing. In fact, your head will argue with you until your dying day that something’s missing.

What if you just chose not to participate in the argument anymore? Every time you make that choice, you open a space for your completeness to show up. It happens every time.

Discovering that you are complete and have the ability to respond to life is the highest common denominator.

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper* pops up at the oddest times. I was cooking dinner last night and while I was dicing onions he said, “There’s no turning corners if you’re going around in circles.”

I had to chew on that for awhile but I knew there was something to it.

Patterns of behavior are circular. They keep coming around and they take us to the same place. Sometimes it feels like being stuck in a revolving door.

“Déjà vu! I’ve been here before.”

Patterns are like clockwork. They are such a consistent part of our existence and woven into the fabric of our life that we just don’t notice them.

You can’t turn the corner with circular patterns in place. It’s just not possible.

It’s time for an intervention.

We need a crash course in NOTICING or the debris from our mishaps will keep piling up and keep us stuck on the beltway.

Noticing means we have to STOP for a moment and become a witness to our patterned way of doing things. We need to pause and pay attention to what we automatically do or don’t do.

In these moments of pause, we get to step out of our life and view it as though we are a stranger – someone who’s not involved. Did you ever notice how much easier it is to solve someone else’s problem? That’s the beauty of being an observer.

When you stop and notice, you pause your automaticity. In that pause, lies the strategy for turning the corner. That exit has always been there, we just haven’t stopped to notice.

All the best,

John

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*The Grasshopper is the knowing part of you that lets the truth slip out from time to time. Not the relevant truth but the truth that can only come from the one source of everything.

While I watched a bit of the Academy Awards last week, it occurred to me that we’re all actors.

Our skills equal theirs, except ours never make it to the Silver Screen.

Their roles are varied, unless they’re Steven Seagal; ours seem to be the same day in and day out.

Who is this person we are playing?

We’ve taken years to develop it and it goes by many names – Personality, ego and character to name a few.

Did you ever meet a performer who’s always on? They just can’t seem to shut it off. That’s most of us.

We take this character we’ve developed and walk them to every corner of life’s stage in full costume and we even have dreams about them when we sleep.

We have come to believe we are the person we made up. Imagine for a moment that Tobey Maguire wears his Spiderman suit beneath his street clothes everyday so that he’s ready to scale the side of a building, and you’ll start to see the silliness of it.

You know that you are really locked into character when you begin to defend it. There are no defenses for illusions because illusions do not exist. The part you are defending only exists in your mind – the biggest illusion of them all.

It’s time to retire your character. It’s time to let your hair down. It’s time to inspect your illusion.

We have taken a collection of patterned behaviors and called it us. That’s like calling a strip of film a projector. Those film strips, no matter how action packed or colorful, can’t make them a projector.

You are a projector, not a film strip.

What are you projecting? If you let your hair down, you’ll only project your light. If you keep it tied up in a bun or wear a powdered wig, you remain in character and are limited to the role you play.

It’s not about changing roles; it’s about letting your hair down so there is no more role to play.

Acting is tiring. Projecting your light is effortless.

It begins when we stop pretending that we’re anything other than our light. Our light doesn’t need two thumbs up to make us feel wonderful. It doesn’t need any feedback to keep shining brightly. It just needs us to remove the filmstrip from the projector.

It’s a bit confusing when we find out we’re not the role we’ve been playing. We discover that most of our life has been a dress rehearsal and that all it amounts to is “All dressed up with no place to go.”

It’s a wrap when we discover our light.

All the best,

John

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The only accurate barometer by which to measure yourself is your behavior.

All else is rationalized PR.

When you boil it all down, it all comes down to what you do.

What you say, intend or defend can never contend with the only thing that matters – what you do.

Our focus rarely falls where it would be most useful – on our behavior.

Behavior, productive or not, always produces results. Intentions rarely do.

The results you have in your life can be traced back to one thing – your behavior.

Notice how we can easily ascribe our lot in life to someone else’s actions or inactions. That just underscores that behavior is the culprit or the savior. The problem with focusing on others’ behavior is that we rarely, if ever, look in our own direction.

What actions have you taken to get to where you are now?

What set of steps take you to the same, undesired place every time?

If you want to see how you measure up, start measuring your behavior.

Start to notice what you do. You have a recipe for the results you get. It’s your behavior.

Once you begin to focus on what you do, the components of the path you’ve been walking reveal themselves. It’s at that point you can begin to tinker with the paving stones and build a path to somewhere else.

What you intend isn’t going to happen unless you engage the appropriate behavior.

Here’s a poetic thought for the weekend:

If you’re stuck in a way of life that you rue,
Adjust your behavior and remove the glue

All the best,

John

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