Here’s one thing we all get caught up in from time to time – The ONE Thing.

What’s the ONE thing that would make your life different, better, more complete? That’s The ONE Thing we get hung up on.

What we don’t notice is that, even when we get that one thing, it’s anti-climactic. It really didn’t solve all the problems we thought it would and its “oneness” wears away.

Whomever first said that you take yourself wherever you go was a genius. This person knew that The ONE Thing wasn’t going to change you. The drunk that hits a big jackpot on the slot machines is just going to get inebriated with a more expensive brand of alcohol.

No thing is The ONE Thing. That means that no thing will change you for more than a minute. I know the excitement of a brand new camera arriving by an overnight carrier. I also know that the camera will not make me a better photographer.

The ONE Thing is another version of “When I have ________, I’ll be happy.” Did you ever look back and do an assessment on The ONE Things? If you did, you would have noticed that they weren’t a cure-all for what ails you.

The ONE Thing is a mindset that we’ve been conditioned to and we would do well to outgrow it.

There is no job, relationship, amount of money or any one thing that will make you whole. What we don’t realize is that we are already whole but have been convinced that we are missing The One Thing.

I am not saying that The ONE Thing won’t add to your enjoyment of life, it probably will. What it won’t do is complete you because you are already complete. When you seek your completeness outside of you, you overlook the fact that it’s already within you.

That’s why inner discovery is the most productive adventure. Each time you remove a layer of conditioning, you get closer to your completeness. The ONE Thing is a layer of conditioning, that once removed, will give you a better inside view.

Don’t give up on your worldly desires; they do add spice to our lives. Just don’t think, even for one minute, that it will complete you. It can’t and it won’t.

If you like mantras, try this one on for size: I am complete. It will get you to focus on your completeness rather than on the fairy tale that you are missing something.

If you take away ONE Thing from this posting, let it be this: I am already one and no thing will add to me.

All the best,

John

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I offer two types of input: Spiritual and Worldly.

I use the word “input” rather than advice because most people are conditioned to ignore advice. A computer gets input. If it registers, it’s accepted; if it doesn’t, it’s rejected.

The spiritual input falls into the category of getting to know yourself better. That means that you subtract layers of conditioning and discover that you are deeper than those layers.

My worldly input isn’t as deep, but it is useful.

The other day I was on the phone with our seminar coordinator, Hali and we were talking about some 18 year old twins whose mother gave them each a $100 allowance. I inquired why they didn’t have at least a part-time job at that age. She didn’t know. I then offered some worldly “advice”: “She’s conditioning them for a world that doesn’t exist.”

I am not opposed to giving 18 year olds a helping hand; lord knows, others helped me long after that age came and went. But this isn’t about 18 year olds or monetary assistance; it’s about setting ourselves and others up to fail.

What a rude awakening it is to find out that what you thought was the way it worked and the actual way is quite different. Take the graduate of law school. They just spent four years studying one subject: The law. Let’s even pretend they graduated at the top of their class. That means they know a lot about the law. Then they go out and practice it and find out the worldly law is worlds apart from their knowledge base.

On-the-job training accounts for much more than we’ll ever learn in a formal setting. Hands-on training results in our book reviews more closely reflecting the worldly view.

This takes me back to the spiritual. We have to get out of our heads to get more worldly, and, at the same time, deeper.

To become more worldly we have to take life as it comes more often. Our response to what life brings is going to determine the quality of our life, not our storybook game plan that’s subject to all sorts of worldly disappointments.

I believe in planning and have learned that it’s useful to be worldly enough to adopt Plan B or C or D when someone runs your detailed manifesto through the shredder.

Oftentimes, Plan B or C or D is much deeper than your original idea. You would have never gotten there unless you were flexible enough to become more worldly.

You set yourself up for failure when your plans are always in hard cement. The pleasant irony is that you become more spiritual when you become more worldly.

All the best,

John

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When I was a kid, I know I heard this phrase hundreds of times: In or out! In fact, I’m sure as a parent I’ve used it, at least, that many times.

It wasn’t a question; it was a command to stop coming in and out of the house so frequently. “You’re letting the flies in; in or out!” Pick one and stick with it for awhile was the communication’s intent.

In or out has a new meaning for me now. It’s about my attention. Is it in or is it out?

Once our intellect forms, our attention is in for the most part. That means we do a lot of talking to ourselves in our head. Our attention is inside on our thoughts rather than outside on what’s right in front of us.

You can’t have your attention inside and outside at the same time. It’s one or the other – in or out.

Our attention is like a couch potato; it spends too much time inside. We need to get it out more.

Like many other changes in behavior, it takes some noticing to get the ball rolling. Notice where your attention is. Is it in or out? Once you notice, you can opt for the other.

How often have you heard someone or yourself say, “I can’t stop thinking about it.” Where’s your attention at that moment? It’s inside. The lame prescription usually offered is something like this: “You have to stop thinking about that.” That’s a directive without direction.

Here’s an exercise to do anytime you are trapped inside. Put your attention on anything outside of you. If you are driving in the car and driving yourself crazy with your internal musings, give your attention to the Home Depot sign for a moment. Notice the colors, the shape, the letter spacing. It only takes a split second to notice. Or notice the window or bumper sticker on the car in front of you or the goofy dog with its head hanging out the window. All of these demand that your attention come out.

The benefit is that you have freed yourself from the noise inside, if only for a moment. Shift your attention outward often enough and you’ll break the pattern of staying inside too often. Outward attention gives your mind the relief it needs from an internal pounding.

You will feel lighter the more often you remember to bring your attention out. The next time you notice yourself inside and it’s not a pleasant visit, shift your attention to anything outside of you. That doesn’t mean think about the thing outside of you; that’s just more inside activity. Actually give your full attention to something outside. It could be a cereal box or a bird on a branch – anything outside of you that you can notice with intent. That’s outward attention.

if you really want to find out a lot more about your attention, get to a course with my friend Jerry Stocking. He will get you past the hand holding stage with your attention and have you turn it into a deep relationship.

If you are suffering by your own hand, meaning that you are inside with your dusty thoughts, bring your attention out and notice something, anything. It’s such an easy thing to do and the reward is instant – you get outside of the dread going on inside your head.

All the best,

John

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How many times have you said “I was wrong about that”? If you’re anything like me, that phrase sits in a crawl space gathering dust.

But it is springtime and it may be time to inspect rarely used areas and give them a once-over.

We all carry a giant burden that we can lighten. It just takes a little noticing – a mental feather duster if you will. What’s the burden?

Well, if there is a God and he opines to the ethers, I’m certain this would be his lament: “Oh, the burden of always being right.”

Have you ever noticed the weight that attaches itself to being right? If, as they say, the camera adds 10 pounds, being right buckles our knees.

How often do you wait for your moment to say “I told you so”? While you sit waiting for the evidence of your prediction to mount, countless possibilities pass you by. Our investment in being right drains our creativity to find out what’s possible. That’s because we are continually focused on being right and we miss what’s on the other side of our blinders.

Being right is attempting to be God. I’m not suggesting we give up our opinions; I’m simply requesting that we remove the burden of being right from them.

It has an immediate effect. We become lighter. That’s because we don’t have to carry around all the evidence that being right requires. Being right is like keeping track of our lies. We have to remember all the things and circumstances that support our position. It’s like being on the witness stand every day of our life.

We are quick to point out our “rights” and slow on the draw to reveal our wrongs. Reminds me of a story . . .

My step-father used this expression quite often when looking to my mother for confirmation of his prognostications: “Didn’t I call that shot, Lil?”

There were a thousand shots that he took but he only touted the rare hit. We are all a bit like that when we burden ourselves with being right.

What the remedy? Take the right out of your opinions. Right is a deterrent because if you’re right, someone has to be wrong. No one likes being wrong, so when you hold right up in their face, you set the stage for them to be wrong.

Here’s a magic phrase to remove right from an opinion: “Time will tell.”

“Time will tell if that strategy will work or not.”

“I’m not sure that’s the best way to go, but time will tell.”

“I think this new band called ‘The Beatles’ will be a flash in the pan, but time will tell.” (I actually claimed to be right about this one).

When we remove right from our opinions, we open ourselves up to other possibilities – someone else’s right. We don’t have to defend an opinion; but notice that we have to bring out the big guns to protect right. That’s a lot of heavy lifting.

Do a little light housekeeping today and dust off the right from your opinions, and then feel the weight dissipate.

All the best,

John

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Perhaps I have learned this lesson later in life than most, but a recent discovery for me is that when someone says, “It can’t be done,” quite often they mean, “I don’t want to do it.”

I used to go polar on someone who told me something couldn’t be done, especially if I knew it could. By polar, I mean I immediately jumped to the position of “yes, it can be done” and would get caught up in the argument rather than getting to a solution.

I had an interaction yesterday with an electrician called in to consult on a wiring situation at my house. He told me that what I wanted done couldn’t be done. “I’ve been doing this work for 25 years and you can’t do what you want to do.” I immediately requested that he present me with an alternate solution to my situation. He reached back again for the very comfortable “it can’t be done” line. I knew we were done at that point but . . .

Just for fun and to test my theory, I probed further. After a bit more questioning, he came around to, “I’m not comfortable doing that.” I thanked him for his time and went on to looking for another electrician.

In the interest of honesty and not to waste anyone’s time, consider telling someone that you don’t want to do something vs. making up a dismissive response like “it can’t be done.” People will respect you more and will be able to go on to another solution without engaging in the sideshow of an argument.

“It can’t be done” may be the correct answer, but you would do well to temper it with something like, “In my opinion, it can’t be done” or “Based on my experience, it can’t be done. Maybe someone else can help you accomplish that.”

I now have another response to choose from when someone says, “It can’t be done.” My new response is to avoid the sidetracking argument and to recognize they don’t want to do it and move on.

All the best,

John

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There’s a very popular song by Irish rock band “U2″ titled, “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.” The theme of the song is universal which adds to its popularity even today over a quarter century after its release.

The Grasshopper must have been getting’ his “Bono” on over the weekend when he chirped this: “You’re not going to find what you’re looking for when you believe what you’re looking for is unavailable to you.”

Our quests are limited by what we believe we can have. In money and career terms, this limiting situation has been referred to as the fear of success. Our beliefs put a governor on what we can attain.

The Grasshopper’s observation goes well past career and money. It applies to anything that you’re looking for – happiness, fulfillment, relationships, love, respect, etc.

If you believe you can’t have it, your chances of getting it are greatly diminished. You may consciously think you “deserve” it, but other-than-consciously, where all your beliefs live, you are singing a different tune. Perhaps, “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.”

I’m not recommending that you create an affirmation to say over and over again to find what you’re looking for. That rarely works. What I am suggesting is an inspection of your beliefs. Since they run in the background, we don’t often bring them out into the light of day. I’m suggesting that’s precisely what you do.

If you properly assume that’s there’s a belief in place keeping you from getting what you’re looking for, invite it to come out and play. Just the invitation to surface is often enough for it to show itself. Once you put a face to the belief, it’s easier to recognize it.

Once you fully recognize what’s holding you back, you can interrupt its repetitive pattern when you see it. This one simple action of interruption, done over and over again, will release your belief’s strangle hold on you. The benefit of this exercise is that what you haven’t yet found comes into clearer view.

I could have made all of this up, so don’t take my word for it. Put a plan into action and invite your limiting belief to show itself. It may take a few invitations. And don’t be too surprised when it visits you from out of the blue.

Then it’s time to go to work. Every time this belief shows up singing its lyrics, interrupt the song, and before too long, you’ll be dancing to the beat of a different drum – one that is more suited to you. Then, just maybe, what you are looking for will come find you.

All the best,

John

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It seems to me that hardly anyone would argue with this characterization of a good friend: One who continues to listen to your story when everyone else is tired of hearing it.

The Grasshopper gave me this definition of a great friend: One who won’t let you stay stuck in your story.

Reminds me of a story . . . There are a number of actors who have received fame by being typecast. That means they are so associated with one role that they are hardly ever considered for others. Think of Michael Richards who played “Kramer” on “Seinfeld.” That’s a show-biz example of the results of staying stuck in your story.

We’re not as famous as Michael Richards but our stories do keep us just as stuck. We’ve told them so often that we’ve become typecast. Who can help us break the mold? Only a great friend.

People don’t gravitate to great friends; they look to walk the path of least resistance and move in the direction of good friends who will listen once again.

In my opinion, the “Oprah” show was hugely successful for 25 years by being a good friend. It kept highlighting the same problems over and over again and rarely offered a solution. It acted as a comfort zone to let you know you weren’t alone. I think that is a valuable service but not a great model for getting you unstuck.

A great friend will listen to your story too, but won’t let you stay there. They will present options to move you forward and challenge you when you dig in your heels to stay stuck. They will pry you out of your comfort zone and lead you across bumpy roads, with only your success in mind.

Great friends aren’t as plentiful as good ones, and frankly, not as well liked. If your only goal is to have someone like you, listen to their story again and again and you will be a good friend. But if you truly care, take this dare: Become a great friend and help someone you care about risk leaving their comfort zone.

All the best,

John

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The Grasshopper reminded us years ago that we are all mentally ill by someone else’s standards.

What idiosyncratic behavior do we own, that when viewed from another angle, doesn’t look nuts?

The real difficulty we run into is not taking another’s vantage point to evaluate such behavior.

We justify what we do as perfectly normal without ever taking the advantage of an opposing perspective.

“What does it look like standing in their shoes?” is a question we rarely ask as we continue along our righteous path.

Chances are if you’ve denied or justified something long enough, it’s a pretty sure bet that’s what others identify as your “wacky” behavior.

Because you got used to a certain behavior may make it acceptable to you, but it doesn’t play well in the theater of other peoples’ minds.

What to do? Nothing, if you think this doesn’t apply to you.

Hint: This applies to everyone.

We become blind to our own bizarre behavior that’s in plain view for others to witness.

If you do begin to recognize that your behavior is getting in your way, you are no longer crazy because a crazy person wouldn’t take the time to select another angle of view.

The best way to end sleepwalking is to wake up. Most people need an alarm to end this trancelike behavior. It needn’t come to that. Just entertain for a moment what it’s like to be another and view yourself from that perspective.

My sense is you’ll discover your sanity by recognizing we are all mentally ill by someone else’s standards. Then, and only then, will you address your wacky ways.

Since I used to be in radio, let me leave you with the lyrics of a song written and performed by Joe South:

WALK A MILE IN MY SHOES

If I could be you and you could be me for just one hour
If we could find a way to get inside each other’s mind
If you could see you through my eyes instead of your ego
I believe you’d be surprised to see that you’d been blind

Walk a mile in my shoes, walk a mile in my shoes
Yeah, before you abuse, criticize and accuse
Walk a mile in my shoes

Well, your whole world you see around you is just a reflection
And the law of common says you’re gonna reap just what you sow

So unless you’ve lived a life of total perfection
Mm-mm, you’d better be careful of every stone that you should throw

Yet we spend the day throwin’ stones at one another
’cause I don’t think or wear my hair same way you do
Well, I may be common people but I’m your brother
And when you strike out and try to hurt me it’s a ‘hurtin you,

Walk a mile in my shoes, walk a mile in my shoes
Yeah, before you abuse, criticize and accuse
Walk a mile in my shoes

There are people on reservations and out in the ghettos
And brother, there, but for the grace of God, go you and I

If I only had the wings of little angels don’tcha you know I’d fly
To the top of the mountain and then I’d cry?

Walk a mile in my shoes, walk a mile in my shoes
Hey, before you abuse, criticize and accuse
Better walk a mile in my shoes

Walk a mile in my shoes, walk a mile in my shoes
Oh, before you abuse, criticize and accuse
Walk a mile in my shoes,

Walk a mile in my shoes, walk a mile in my shoes
Hey, before you abuse, criticize and accuse
Walk a mile in my shoes

All the best,

John

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