TV’s loveable curmudgeon, Dr. Gregory House offers us the diagnosis that “Everybody Lies!”

It’s a memorable line simply because it’s true.

It’s my personal belief that the more lies we tell, the less life we live.

The prescription seems to be to find out how many lies you can live with.

This is not a dictate to stop lying; that’s impossible. It’s more about recognizing the process at work and assessing how much life it is draining from you.

Lying runs the gamut from “If you are living a lie, you are not living,” to “Lying just enough to get by.”

Neither position is morally justifiable no matter how eloquent our rhetoric. So this is not about flogging yourself for lying. It’s more about risk assessment.

The home spun remedy that your mother gave you was noble: “Tell the truth and you won’t have to keep track of your lies.” That’s another way of saying that each lie causes you to waste energy each time you prop it up. Too many lies = Too little life.

So how do you know if your lies are sucking the life force out of you? Look at the symptoms.

Are you sleeping poorly? Drowning your sorrows? Edgy all the time? Constantly defending yourself? The warning signs are endless. The telltale result is this: The more we lie, the more we die.

It’s really easy to spot someone else’s lies. That’s not as helpful as recognizing our own. Or as Jesus said it another way, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”

The journey towards truth (or more life) is a shedding process. You’ll never get rid of every flake of dandruff, but certainly enough to lighten the load on your shoulders. A few flakes = a few white lies; too many will snow you under.

How many are too many? Only you can answer that question.

If you desire to feel more alive, you have to be willing to let go of your lies. You’ll never drop all of them, just enough of them to unburden yourself from the full time job of keeping a lie alive. The truth is this practice works. The only question left is: “How much truth are we willing to tell?”

Our life depends on it.

All the best,

John

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I’ve never had a dear, close friend who couldn’t make me laugh until it hurt.

As l look back over the years and over the friends, that’s the main quality that attracted me to them in the first place.

Since I have the good fortune of working from home, I spend most of my hours with a friend who makes me laugh every day – our dog, Snuffy.

I won’t torture you with all the funny dog stories. (That would be like the stranger you meet who shows you pictures of their grandchildren.)

What I will tell you is that laughter is the main thing missing from all the depressed people I have ever met.

The natural question that came up for me was: “Did the depression cause them to stop laughing, or did the lack of laughter cause depression?”

The answer I came up with is: It doesn’t matter!

The antidote to depression is always the same – laughter.

Some people need training in laughter. They have forgotten the child like quality we all have. It just needs to be coaxed out to play.

Reminds me of a story . . .

Back in my radio days I was interviewing for a job in Wilkes-Barre, PA and the program director said he wanted a morning man who could tell funny jokes on the radio. I told him I wasn’t a joke teller, per say. He said he would provide me with some generic joke sheets and I could customize them for my show. I told 50 jokes the first day. I would love to have a recording of that program to remember how bad it really was.

The good news that came out of this daily joke hunt was that I now filtered for funny – at least funny for me. This trained me to laugh on a daily basis.

When I look back on any gloomy period in my life (and we all have them), laughter was suspended.

A number of people during the holidays find their way into a dark corner and hide themselves from laughter. The Grinch has stolen their mirth.

The story of journalist, Norman Cousins has been well documented in the book and movie, Anatomy of an Illness. Cousins nursed himself from the brink of death back to health by training himself to laugh by watching funny movies. He said, “”I made the joyous discovery that ten minutes of genuine belly laughter had an anesthetic effect and would give me at least two hours of pain-free sleep,” he reported. “When the pain-killing effect of the laughter wore off, we would switch on the motion picture projector again and not infrequently, it would lead to another pain-free interval.”

If you are experiencing the holiday blues, you are in pain. There is a reason this ancient proverb has endured: Laughter is the best medicine.

You can look for ways to justify your depression or you can take that same energy and pursue laughter.

I would certainly recommend that you seek counseling if you find yourself severely depressed. I would also note that any recovery would be ably assisted by laughter.

I’ll leave you with this holiday suggestion: Let Ho, Ho, Ho remind you to Ha, Ha, Ha.

All the best,

John

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Seems just about everyone has a favorite Christmas movie – It’s a Wonderful Life, Elf, The Polar Express, A Charlie Brown Christmas, Christmas Vacation, etc.

The one that sticks with me most is Miracle on 34^th Street (The Original). It stars a young Natalie Wood beginning to doubt the existence of Santa Claus. It’s a delightful film about believing and doubt.

Beliefs are something we all share in common. If you mentally exist, you believe.

Beliefs, by their nature, are exclusionary. The minute you commit to one, all the others on the same topic are on the outside looking in.

The stickiest of wickets is believing that your belief is right. “Right” is a word that has wronged for centuries. It’s also exclusionary. It makes anyone who believes differently from you on the other side of the fence.

The reason I like the little girl in “Miracle on 34^th Street” so much is because she has doubts about her beliefs. It’s a childlike quality we can all aspire to because, by adulthood, our beliefs are more solid than month old fruitcake – no room for doubt.

Just like we bring out the holiday decorations once a year, it would serve us well to plug in an old belief and test it once a season to see if it still lights up – meaning, “Is it useful?”

Is there a long held belief you own that’s worthy of some doubt?

Doubt is the catalyst that makes you look in more than one direction.

Is this the season to dust off your doubt and bring it out?

Who purposely decorates their tree with burned out lights? – You and me when we refuse to use doubt to help us see.

Beliefs get re-gifted from one generation to the next never being questioned for their truth. Sadly, when we get to this true believer stage, there’s little room for doubt.

If no one else gets it for you this holiday season, you can give yourself the gift of doubt. It lights up the dark corners of Christmases past to see if their gifts are bright enough to light the way to a less rigid future.

This Christmas make sure the most enlightening gift is on your wish list. It’s the “Talking Thomas” doll – You just pull a string and he says, “I doubt it!”

All the best,

John

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There really is something magical about home.

Home is more than a place to hang your hat, as the old expression goes. It’s a refuge.

It’s more than a house, an apartment, or a room. It’s a love filled womb.

Everything is taken care of when you are home.

The multi-talented, Jazz/Pop singer, Michael Bublé sings an enchanting song about this sought after, soft landing called “Home.”

Truth be told, home isn’t a place; it’s a feeling.

The feeling you get when you are home cannot be described in words. It’s the peace that passes all understanding.

If you are attempting to find home by mentally seeking it, you will always encounter noise. There are no magical thoughts that get you to the peace of home. In fact, it’s the absence of thought that ensures you find your way to that ‘homey’ feeling.

If you hear the song “(There’s No Place Like) Home For The Holidays” this holiday season, let it serve as a reminder that home lies beneath all the hustle and bustle and is always there to welcome you.

Your job is to find a way to let the noise calm down. When you take steps to calm the noise in your mind, you are at the threshold of peace, and if you take the time to look down, you’ll see a door mat that says, “Welcome Home.”

All the best,

John

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I know something about you that nobody knows.

You know it and I know it, but no one else does.

What is this personal secret that you, I and everybody else are withholding from the world?

That we have our own best interest at heart!

Some of you just bristled at this notion. That’s because you translated “your own best interest” as selfish.

It’s not; it’s survival.

Our own best interest is how we thrive and survive. Those who act on this secret thrive more than others.

Take the late Mother Teresa as an example. I’m sure most would agree with the label of “Selfless” when describing Mother Teresa. Nothing could be further from the point. She had her own best interest at heart, otherwise she could never have performed at the level she did.

Your own best interest is performing the life mission that’s so natural for you. Look at the people who are the most peaceful in their own skin and you will find folks serving their own best interest. Their work is as effortless as breathing for them.

Note: This work does not need to be grandiose or on the world stage in order for you to thrive. Your mission of having your own best interest at heart may be as simple as being the best parent you can be.

We get caught up in the conditioned idea that there must be a nobler purpose for us and we flog ourselves for not finding it.

Your purpose is hidden in plain view. It’s to have your own best interest at heart. It’s the one thing that helps you serve others better.

If you’ve ever flown on an airplane, you’ll probably be familiar with this instruction from the flight attendant before take-off: “Place the air mask over your nose and mouth first and get oxygen flowing before placing the mask on your children.”

That instruction goes against our instincts but it is the best solution, and it serves your best interest. You need to be breathing properly before you can help others.

Your interest has to be served first in order to benefit others, otherwise what you are doing will always feel like a burden.

Unburden yourself by serving your own best interest.

The prescriptive observation of “When you feel better, you do better,” underscores the importance of having your own best interest at heart.

Finding your own best interest is finding out what’s most important to you. When you make that discovery, align all your efforts in that direction and you’ll begin to breathe easy again, and so will everyone else around you.

All the best,

John

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I would like to say a few words on behalf of the much maligned willpower.

Who has criticized this hard working quality? Me!

Willpower works 10 times harder than most attributes we own. The problem is its failure rate.

If effort won blue ribbons, willpower would always be the hands down winner. It isn’t.

So what are my glowing words about willpower?

You can’t thrive without it.

Willpower plays a crucial part in our accomplishments, but it’s not a marquee player, even though its PR agent would have us believe that.

Most people will not accomplish much until they overcome inertia. That’s the role of willpower.

If we think of accomplishment like an old fashioned bomb, it needs three things to ignite:

1. The match
2. The fuse
3. The explosives

Willpower is the match.

The difficulty we run into is lighting match after match without cozying up next to a fuse.

Willpower is not a team player. It thinks it can do everything on its own. It can’t.

If you have hired willpower to get a job done, you will get buyer’s remorse. Even if willpower is able to get you what you want, it won’t last because willpower quickly loses interest. It’s on to the next match lighting fest.

Willpower is not a role model but a role player. If you are attempting to cast it in a starring role, there will be no bang at the box office.

There is a part of you that gets things done and it’s ably served by having willpower light its fuse.

If things are always grinding to a halt for you, you have put too much faith in the grindstone, or there’s too much grease on your elbow.

Willpower needs to do its work and then step back and let the process happen. Its constant meddling in areas where it has no expertise brings us little accomplishment and even littler peace.

I propose we give willpower what it’s looking for – recognition.

Recognize it will only take you so far.

All the best,

John

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