Here’s one of the struggles I have in life: offering respect to someone who doesn’t offer it to themselves.

I realize that “respect” is a fluffy word, meaning it has different meanings to different people. Here’s what it means to me: recognizing something as a treasure and treating it that way.

There are no perfect people and we all have flaws. It’s when we accentuate one of those flaws and maximize it that disrespect comes into play, at least for me.

I’m sure we can all think of a time we acted rudely. Perhaps we were having a bad day and reacted poorly. If it’s an infrequent occurrence, we can give ourselves a pass. If it comes up as often as the sun, we’re being disrespectful of others.

If you’re consistently doing something to the detriment of your physical or mental well-being, you’re being disrespectful to yourself.

Again, I recognize this as my struggle. I’m searching for the milk of human kindness but haven’t yet found it for a person immersed in disrespect.

Generally I find this type of person either doesn’t recognize or denies being disrespectful.

If, after becoming aware of their level of disrespect, they choose to ignore it, they become part of the denying crowd. The deniers make up the bulk of the people I find disrespectful, especially to themselves.

I recognize not finding respect for these folks is my flaw and I can only tell you it’s a work in progress for me.

I’ll let you know how I make out. Perhaps if I play the Aretha Franklin song on repeat on my iPhone, I’ll get what I claim I don’t deserve – R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

All the best,

John

What a great question to ponder – “Are you relevant?”

Before I could answer it for me, I had to look up the definition of “relevant.” It read, “closely connected to the matter at hand.”

Seems if we’re not closely connected to whomever or whatever, that makes us irrelevant. That makes sense to me.

Connection is the key to relevancy.

“How many ways are we disconnected?” is another question worth pondering in our quest to know how relevant we are.

Another way of asking that same question is: “How many areas of your life have you checked out of?” The answer to that question will give you a precise answer on your relevancy.

It seems that if you want to be more relevant, you have to check in more.

Relevancy takes some work. It’s not a gift given to us; it’s a wage that has to be earned no matter what our financial status.

Channeling my inner Oprah, here’s what I know for sure: The more I check out, the more irrelevant I become. That means that I cannot blame any notion of “woe is me” on anyone but me, especially if I stopped accepting invitations for tea.

The conversation stops being about you soon after you check out. The longer you stay there, the more irrelevant you become.

Want to be more connected, more relevant? Start checking in. It’s the key to being close at hand.

All the best,

John

I had this phrase pop in my head the other day: “Your input isn’t going to change him.”

I was working with a pretty knowledgeable fellow helping me select a custom designed product for me. There was testing involved so that this product would fit my needs to a “T.” It was a 2-hour process.

The difficulty I was having was not with his information but with his style of delivery. He had one speed and it wasn’t the speed at which I was traveling.

Part of his job was being an expert and part of his job was sales. He will be commissioned on the product if I purchase it.

Basically, he was throwing up on me. That means he was coming at me with non-stop information and he rarely stopped to breathe. He wasn’t allowing me to process the information. I purposely interrupted him a number of times so that I could get a break from his machine gun delivery. He also lacked sensory acuity. That means he wasn’t paying attention to see if his message was being received.

After the session, I was tempted to “help him out.” After all, that’s what I’ve done my entire career – help people make changes.

As I was about to offer my “wisdom,” I got the gift of awareness that my input wasn’t going to help him. In the past, I would have tried to be like the story of Jesus going after the lost lamb.

People may benefit from the help you provide but if it’s not going to register with them, what’s the point? You don’t need the practice and to quote my teacher Dr. Dave Dobson, “They aren’t paying you.”

I could have helped improved this fellow’s delivery and his sales skills in a matter of minutes if he was open to it, but I could tell he wasn’t and, frankly, he wasn’t asking.

I guess the lessons I learned are these: If my intent is to tell someone what I know that they don’t, I will not be helpful to them. It smacks of superiority and will fall on clogged ears. Even if my intention was to just plain help them, I wouldn’t be successful with someone who doesn’t believe they need any or want any.

Generally what I find is this: The person who is the hero of their own stories isn’t going to be open to your assistance. The person who “talks in a trance” (doesn’t notice that you’re there while they’re talking) won’t be open to your help. The person who is an expert on everything, yet has nothing to show for it, will be closed off to any helpful input you may have.

Think of helping in this way: Pretend you’re a professional golfer at a driving range and you see a father giving bad coaching to his young son on how to swing the club. If you step in and offer unsolicited help, you most often will be treated as a pariah even though your expertise is far “superior.”

Best to lend a hand in these situations only when help is requested, otherwise your help won’t be helpful.

All the best,

John

The Grasshopper is like summer melons; he’s showing up everywhere. His latest offering is a question: “Do you advocate or do you argue?”

Upon hearing this, I got a picture of Mother Teresa in my mind as an advocate. I then thought of American lawyer, Alan Dershowitz as the poster child for someone who argues.

Advocate or argue have a different feel even though on the surface the goal seems the same: Take an action to have something happen that you want to happen.

You can argue your way there with “truth, justice and the American way” or you can advocate by showing people the way.

Each has their place and, from my perspective, we do too much of one and too little of the other.

Maybe it’s a benefit of age but I notice that I argue less than I have in the past. My messages of righteousness don’t seem worth the same amount of argument they once produced. That old approach has the feel of a saying my grandmother used from time to time: “Don’t do as I do; do as I say.”

Advocating seems to be tied to deeply held ideas whereas arguing can have us spout on about something that maybe even we don’t believe in.

Advocating seems to be leading by example rather than citing myriad examples of why you should do something.

I could make an argument for advocating more but I just don’t want to. I’ve come to find that the way to go is totally up to you.

I just hope I’ve stimulated your curiosity as to which one will work better for you.

All the best,

John

“A belief is a thought repeated often enough in your head to make it second nature.” So opined The Grasshopper.

Most beliefs are another’s verbal thoughts handed down to us before we even knew what a thought or a belief was. That’s to say, we inherited most of our beliefs.

It’s come to the point that we don’t think about our beliefs anymore; we just act on them.

I believe it’s time to turn our thinking back on when it comes to our beliefs.

It was Socrates who said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” He could have just as easily said, “An unexamined belief needs to see the light of day.”

Have you ever done the math on the lack of evidence for many of the things we fervently believe? I believe that’s how negative numbers got their start.

What are you doing on automatic pilot that’s heading you to a crash? That’s the potential for an unexamined belief.

Take a moment to list your top three beliefs. Next, notice the lack of evidence you have for them. My apologies if you listed gravity, death and taxes, and Sarah Palin not being a member of Mensa as your top three. You would be the exception rather than the rule.

Most of our beliefs lack evidence but we are forever arguing our case. It’s tiring.

It’s time to retire the arguments. They haven’t worked, aren’t working now and will never work.

Arguing for your unsubstantiated beliefs is arguing for your limitations. It’s more productive to examine how your beliefs are limiting you.

If you’re having trouble turning a corner, chances are good that an unexamined belief is blocking the way. Once you bring it into the light and pull on a loose string or two, it begins to unravel.

If your beliefs are working for you, accept my applause. If they’re causing you grief, take a closer look and you’ll remove the sinker, line and hook.

All the best,

John

The Grasshopper had his “4th of July” on over the weekend and offered this little firecracker: “Gusto is an artificial high.”

I was reminded of the Schlitz Beer commercials of the 60s where the tag line was, “Grab for all the gusto you can get.”

These commercials were illustrative of the presupposition that you didn’t have enough in your life and you had to reach outside yourself to get more – “Go for the gusto.”

The zest in life comes from within; yet we’ve been conditioned that it’s an outside/in process.

There are lots of exciting things people do for exhilaration: rides at an amusement park come to mind. But if you need to ride Space Mountain or drink a beer or energy drink to get your gusto every time, you haven’t yet found your internal fountain of fervor.

Do you constantly need something outside yourself to “jack you up”? If so, it’s time for a little “in-spection.”

Going inside means letting the trappings of the outside world to go away, just for a time, so you can experience the calm center of your existence. This serene place of peace is capable of producing more gusto than you’ll ever need. You’ll know you’re gathering your internal zest when you start to notice how comfortable you’re becoming in your own skin. This feeling of comfort doesn’t need an outside agent as a catalyst, only a visit inside.

Being comfortable with who you are lessens your susceptibility to the conditioning that you need something besides you to get your gusto.

Going after adventure is a fun thing to do, but if you’re doing it to generate gusto, your skin will forever feel uncomfortable on you.

All the best,

John

“What am I looking for?” is a straightforward question which, if answered incorrectly, will take you around all sorts of curves.

How often do we announce what we’re not looking for? That approach will take us away from the straight and narrow.

Let’s pretend that you’re an executive who has progressed to the point where you need and can afford an assistant. How much longer will the process take if you keep looking at all the things you don’t want in an assistant?

“I don’t want someone who . . . or does . . . or can’t . . .” That approach will delay getting who you do want.

The same is true for whatever or whomever else you’re looking for.

Perhaps it’s time to change focus and start looking for what you do want vs. what you don’t want.

Just this tiny shift in language can clear the fog and let you see what you’re looking for more clearly and more quickly.

Start monitoring your language and begin to notice how often you use the delaying tactic of “don’t want.”

When you catch yourself, replace “don’t” immediately with a statement or mental picture of what you do want.

Ask yourself the question now: “What am I looking for?” The answers you get will be a lot more direct and lead you in a direction towards your goal, rather than turn you round and round like an old barber’s pole.

All the best,

John

The Grasshopper delivered this to my stream of consciousness: “Let consciousness carry you.”

I had no idea what it meant but immediately imagined myself in a stream being propelled downstream only by the current.

In this little fantasy, the only time I used my hands and arms was to avoid some floating debris by swimming to the right or left, and then it was back to being carried by the stream.

“Why swim when the current can carry you?” was my question.

It dawned on me that when we attempt to think our way through things, we are using effort when we don’t have to. Consciousness will carry us, if we let it.

It takes some trust to stop swimming. It also pays to stay aware for the occasional twig or branch that we may have to give an assist to push out of our way.

When we are attempting to solve a problem, we are conditioned to think (swim) our way through it. It’s a learning process to let the stream do the work. This means to trust that there is a part of you that will deliver an answer without you having to exhaust yourself swimming.

The Christian concept of “Let go and let God” comes to mind. But even if you’re an atheist, the process of being carried by consciousness works.

You’re transported to an answer with a lot less effort when you let consciousness carry you.

Ask yourself, “How do I solve this problem?” and then just jump into the flowing stream. That means to go do something else with your thinking. Do something that takes up your conscious thought. It could be as simple as washing the dog or car or taking a walk or jog, or washing the dishes – anything that will occupy your conscious train of thought.

That’s when your consciousness goes to work, flowing all sorts of solutions your way without you having to swim a stroke.

Think of consciousness as your own pair of “Swimmies.”

Finally, allow me to float this idea your way: “Sink or swim” is an outdated idea. Today, all the cool kids are letting consciousness carry them.

All the best,

John

The Grasshopper came up with this thoughtful observation: “Thoughtful is loving.”

It reminded me of my friend Jerry Stocking‘s definition of love: “Love is inclusion.”

I decided it was time for some quotation fusion.

How often have you said to someone, “That was so thoughtful of you”? It seems to me what you were really saying is, “That was so loving of you.”

You thought to include them and thereby show love with your gesture.

We may not immediately equate thoughtfulness with love but to me they’re one and the same. In most cases, we just can’t bring ourselves to say the stronger word (Love) and that’s sad.

Anytime you do something to let someone know you’re thinking of them, you’re really expressing your love. They were included in your thoughts so much so that you created an avenue of expression for that love.

Through our conditioning, it’s awkward in our society to say, “I love you” without it being misinterpreted as some romantic intention. That’s also sad.

You love more people than you think you do. It’s evidenced every time you express your thoughtfulness.

All the best,

John

Seems we all have a system of prioritization. Sometimes we know what it is but most times we don’t.

I remember, years ago, asking Lowry Mays, the head of Clear Channel Radio at the time, how he prioritized his busy day. He thought for a second and then said, “When I get into the office, I get behind my desk and shoot the snake closest to my foot.”

Sometimes we don’t have time to prioritize the unexpected fires that just pop up. But when we get into a more calm time, we may formally systematize what we have to do.

I’m all for systems and am always intrigued and sometimes inspired by how others schedule their priorities.

But even the best systems seem to be a way of forcing ourselves to prioritize.

I’m more interested in priorities that come to us naturally and how that happens. Reminds me of a story from a long time ago . . .

I remember my mother commenting on the change in me two days after I got married. Her comments were along the lines of going from a boy to a man in a weekend. The woman I married had two young children and, at some level, I knew I had to change my priorities. I didn’t plan it; it just happened. That’s what I’m referring to as a naturally changing priority.

Some of them come with age and experience. What adoring grandparent doesn’t handle their grandchildren with softer gloves than they did their own children? That’s most of us.

What is it that can have us change priorities on a dime, naturally, that couldn’t happen using the best prioritization systems available?

I don’t know, but I have a guess. My guess is there’s a part of us that intuitively knows when a change has to happen and it heads us towards circumstances that facilitate that change.

Some may refer to that part of them as a guardian angel or some other personification. The name is immaterial; the fact that it happens is what’s relevant.

Intuitive knocks on our door are different from the incessant, mind based door bell ringing we hear. We just have to begin to notice the difference and begin listening with more trained ears so we can sense the difference between the two.

Intuitive knocks don’t arrive with trumpets blaring – they just arrive with new priorities in hand, and hand walk us to the new way.

The best way to get in touch with your “angels” is to allow your mind to quiet down. It’s from that serene place that naturally changing priorities arrive, preventing you from having to artificially muster up your drive.

All the best,

John