’tis the season for upsets, or so it seems.

My guess is that our seasonal upsets are driven by the chasm between the way it is and the way it should be.

Christmas time, for many, is a “way it should be” time. We should all be loving of our fellow man, have our hearts filled with joy and see the world through the eyes of a child, like when we were little girls and boys.

That just may not be the way it is for you right now. That’s the way it is.

When Christmas Past and Christmas Present have a difference, the fireworks make it seem more like the 4^th of July.

If you can catch yourself about to erupt to the pain of “the way it isn’t,” you will preserve the Christmas Spirit for you and those you care about. If you hang onto the way it should be, you will put a pile of coal under everyone’s tree.

One of my favorite sayings is: You’re rarely upset for the reason you think. You think you’re upset because of some specific stimulus. Upon inspection, that’s rarely the case. The stimulus becomes the excuse to be upset when, in fact, it’s often what the stimulus stimulated from a time in the past that’s causing the upset. “It was better then,” may be the thought and the reality is, “it’s not that way now.” The resulting upset could cause Santa to crash his sleigh into the side of a mountain.

Your biggest ally this holiday season and throughout the year is your ability to take a breath. Notice that you are upset, take a deep breath and just sigh it out. Do it a couple of times for good measure. You will find that this interruption of your upset is enough to keep you from upsetting the sugarplum cart.

If you can notice yourself caught between the “way it is” and the “way it should be,” that’s often enough to prevent the Grinch from stealing Christmas.

Merry Christmas,

John

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I keep a pen and pad on my nightstand because The Grasshopper visits at the oddest hours. I was awakened in the middle of the night and wrote down his message: “The path to where you want to go starts on the path you are currently on.”

I believe that’s another way of saying you can only begin from where you are.

The old punch line, “You can’t get there from here” is totally inaccurate. Here is the only place you can begin.

Our sorrows begin when we want to jump to a new path without taking into account where we currently are. There is a lot of misdirection in that strategy. We hop all over the place like a toad on a hot sidewalk. That’s not a successful strategy for finding a path to a refreshing lily pad.

Think of the person (you) who may be dissatisfied with something going on in your life. Perhaps you want to escape such circumstances. If you don’t start on the path that you are on, you will have multiple, unfulfilling flights of fancy.

Weight loss will be a giant flight of fancy for millions in a little over a week. Many are even contemplating that new path now. They are envisioning what they want to look and feel like down the line, but don’t acknowledge where they are now.

Where they are now is the only place to begin. It begins with acknowledging what is here at the moment. Here at the moment is a body that is carrying X amount of pounds. We are so bound and determined to get to where we want to go that we forget to look at where we are.

This isn’t a suggestion to get into a “fat slob” assessment of yourself. That’s never worked in the past, and if it has, it was only temporary.

The new path begins by unemotionally assessing where you currently are. For example, “My body is weighing in at 200 pounds.” My face is fuller than it was a year ago, and my stomach is hanging over my belt. I am winded after walking up 7 stairs. The clothes in my closet don’t fit me.” That is where you are.

The minute pejorative expressions enter the conversation, you are no longer where you truly are. You are in a conditioned world you made up in your head that is far removed from the facts. “I’m a big, fat, ugly load” is an opinion, not a fact. Here is where the facts are.

You are unlikely to get down the path with opinions. Opinions may get you fired up with willpower, but willpower will only take you so far down the path.

It takes personal honesty to face the facts, and once faced, you truly know where you are – Here! If you want to start someplace else, you will do lots of wheel spinning. Someplace else is filled with mantras that never work and are totally devoid of facts. “I am healthy, wealthy and wise” is a noble notion but devoid of the facts that you are 50 pounds overweight, on the verge of bankruptcy, and have a documented history of making unproductive decisions.

It is wonderful to have goals but you’re unlikely to reach them if you don’t start here. Here is the land of grounded assessments. They are grounded in the facts. Once you have that level of honesty with yourself, minus the invectives, you are at a starting point that has greater odds of getting you to finish.

Make 2012 be your “Dragnet” year – “Just the facts, ma’am” and see how much further down the path you go.

All the best,

John

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Renaissance man, Gregory Bateson left us with the concept of “Paradoxical Communication.” For lack of a more detailed explanation, think of it as an instruction we’ve all received at one time or another – “Do as I say, not as I do.” That’s difficult to do, especially when you don’t know the difference.

We’re all really adept at paradoxical communication because we were taught very well by our parents and/or other early care givers. It seems we have all bought into, at some level, the fantasy that we should be judged on our words rather than our actions. That’s a paradox.

We can’t be taken seriously about our positions if we are standing in another position. If our own shoes hurt, why would we pass them on to someone we care about? It’s because we don’t recognize the level to which we are participating in paradoxical communication.

“Monkey see, monkey do” is more accurate than “Just do it,” but the latter is more ingrained than the other.

The trick to outgrowing anything is to first notice that you are doing it. I can assure you we are all paradoxically communicating; it’s just a matter of degree.

How often do your actions not match up with your words? Do a personal inventory and you’ll be amazed. It’s like a visit to the attic you haven’t looked at in years.

The sadder news is that we pass on this trait. The ones we care most about are the victims of our fantasy, just as we were the unwitting recipients of a philosophy that looked good on paper, but won’t help us pass the test.

The test in life is getting results. Results are hard to come by when we participate in paradoxical communication.

A productive step to outgrowing paradoxical communication is to immediately stop being an expert on what we talk about but don’t do. (Think Oprah on losing weight and keeping it off).

Again, it takes recognition that we are involved in a paradox. Once noticed, we have a better chance of outgrowing a philosophy that keeps us and those we pass it on to stuck.

Start small. Just notice one pearl of wisdom that’s still in the oyster that you’re claiming as your own and give it up. It will lead you off the slippery road of paradoxical communication, which is loaded with good intentions, onto a road with traction that only leads to good deeds.

All the best,

John

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How many times have you said or heard someone say, “Nobody’s perfect” or “I’m not perfect”?

I disagree. My claim is that everyone is perfect, yet no one is perfected.

I think of one of my favorite quotes from The Buddha: “Everything is as it should be.” Basically he is saying everything and everyone is perfect the way it is, because reality is perfection.

Every moment can only be the way it is – Perfect. The same is true with people. They can only be the way they are in this moment. Their behavior is perfect because it’s a reality.

We all have the same source material – the life force that animates us for a lifetime. This source material is perfect. It animates our bodies as long as they last. We have a hard time matching up to that level of perfection.

I believe it’s more accurate to say that no one is perfected. That means that no one lives up to their perfection. It doesn’t matter how smart we are or how gifted we are, we are not perfected. It’s the slice the baloney example in reverse. The saying goes, “No matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.” You never get down to one. On the flip side, you never get up to 10, (unless you were Bo Derek in the late 70s).

No one is perfected is a new way of looking at our potential. There is lots of room for growth; we just have to know that perfection is a possibility and that it exists. In fact, it exists in you right now.

You are already perfect. If you want to be perfected, you have to work towards it.

To get back to the perfection we are is not a matter of addition but subtraction. We spend a goodly part of our life adding things to ourselves in order to be perfect. The path to perfection is subtracting all the things we thought it took to be perfect. Subtraction is like the lunar rocket shedding stages until it reaches its core. When that happens, we are on our way.

Many of the beliefs and patterns that we have acquired stand in the way of getting back to our perfect self. It’s a matter of noticing the things that are standing in the way, and working on outgrowing their hold on our ability to return to perfection.

Noticing your patterns is the beginning of the subtraction process. Interrupting patterns, as you notice them running, puts you on a path to your perfection.

My guess is no one will get to perfection, but what if you could start shedding stages – You might not get all the way there but you may go far enough to take you over the moon.

All the best,

John

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I woke up groggy this morning and The Grasshopper gave me a groggy thought, or so I thought – “Having second thoughts about first impressions.”

It took a while to sink in but I think I now appreciate the essence of it.

Did you ever, while reading, spot a spelling mistake? The answer is “Yes”; we’ve all done it, but did you notice the process of how you knew?

You were reading along and you went past the misspelled word and a few words or a sentence later you went back and noticed the misspelling. What happened? Your eyes saw it but it didn’t immediately register with you consciously. It did register with your feeling sense. If you pay attention, you will notice an odd sensation that causes you to go back and take a second look.

You sensed it was misspelled which caused you to look again.

We may not get a second chance to make a first impression, but a first impression may benefit by a second thought.

Have you ever had the experience of immediately not liking someone? They may have not even said a word or done anything, but you flat out didn’t like them. You got a feeling sense before you got the thought of “I don’t like them.” Upon second inspection, you may notice they have the look of someone you detest which triggered your initial sensation. Your second thought was then to be more open to them.

I am a big proponent of trusting your gut, but sometimes it makes sense to take a second look at what your gut is responding to. It may be that your initial response was accurate, but it doesn’t hurt to do a quick inspection.

Traditional “second thoughts” are usually a debate inside your head. That is not what I’m referring to here. That debate could go on forever and you may never act.

What I am suggesting is that your first impression is always in your body; it’s a kinesthetic experience. The thought always comes afterward. The second thought I’m referring to is the one that gets you to double check your sensation, not debate another thought ad nauseam for supremacy.

Your first impression will always be your first impression. My question is: Does it require a second thought?

All the best,

John

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I was introduced to a phrase this past summer that gets me to reflect more on reality than I do on illusion. The phrase is: “It will be this way until it isn’t.”

Just let that phrase sink in. “It will be this way until it isn’t.”

How often do we find ourselves thinking, “I wish it wasn’t this way”? Answer: “It’ll be this way until it isn’t.”

It’s a reality strategy that prevents us from going off to the land of illusion where we pretend to solve our situations.

The New Year will be here in a matter of days. The ubiquitous resolutions take some form of this statement: “This is the year I will (fill in the blank).”

It’s then that we summon up our weakest runner to get us to the finish line – Willpower.

What if, after you come up with your resolution, and before you sugar high yourself with willpower, you reflect on your resolution with a version of this phrase: “It’ll be this way until it isn’t.”

For example, “I’ll be fat until I’m not.” “I’ll smoke until I don’t.” “I’ll save money from my paycheck every week, unless I don’t.” Rephrase your resolution to include some form of “until it isn’t.”

Many will say, “That’s a defeatist strategy” and they will go down to defeat again doing it the same way that didn’t work before.

“Until it isn’t” opens the door of possibility wider, rather than attempting to go through the narrow doorway we’ve gotten stuck in in the past.

Focusing on reality will present more workable solutions than illusion. When we continually use the same strategy that didn’t work before, that’s the highest form of unfocused lunacy.

“Until it isn’t” gets you focused on reality. The phrase is more than words; it’s a mindset – a new approach.

The traditional resolution focuses on only one way to get to the goal. “Until it isn’t” will open your eyes to more open doors because the doors presented will be real, not figments of your imagination to bump into again. That’s what reality based noticing does – gets us focused on reality.

“Until it isn’t” considers all sides, not just the glitzy one that has failed us in the past. When we consider the whole, we’re looking at reality – the realm of all possibilities, rather than putting all our money on our unlucky number again.

I request that you give “Until it isn’t” a go and see how much farther it takes you.

All the best,

John

I did a blog post about a year ago that got considerable feedback. It was called “Unknown Quotes.”

The purpose was to list some quotes from people that I know that you never heard of who said some memorable things. The secondary purpose was to get you to think about who you re-quote that no one knows. It’s a fun little exercise that’ll brighten your day. Here are some more famous quotes from people I know who weren’t famous:

“The guitar player always gets his pick.” – My best friend growing up (a guitar player).

“If he’s mad, he’ll get glad again.” – My mother.

“It’s more money than you’re making now.” – My best pal commenting on me complaining about a salary offer I received when I was unemployed.

“Where? at the cat hospital!!!” – My business partner’s comment about a person who said some pretty dumb things when I informed him that she was a nurse.

“The Catholic Church has elected its first non-Catholic Pope in over 300 years.” – A newscaster I worked with in Kansas City.

“I put it in a vanilla envelope.” – A DJ I worked with in Wilkes-Barre, PA.

“it’s been up your father’s butt, your sister’s butt . . .” – A friend commenting why she never uses a bar of soap when showering.

Go for it! Find those quotes that are worth re-quoting from ordinary people; it’ll be an extraordinary way to spice up your day.

All the best,

John

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I was out and about over the weekend and had occasion to notice some very “poor” behavior. It’s really easy to go into judgement mode in that case, but this time I went a step further.

As I was about to let my judgement rule the day, The Grasshopper popped in and had this to say: “We are not who we pretend to be.”

It’s not like I haven’t had or expressed that thought before, but this time it was perfectly placed. The person I was about to continue to judge was only showing me their conditioned self, and I was about to respond to them with my conditioned self. It’s a puppet show I’ve been in before – My hand puppet about to judge their hand puppet.

My pretend self was about to judge their pretend self and the only thing that would have done for me is have me continue to live in the land of make-believe.

My rules of behavior, which, for the most part, I had nothing to do with, were about to judge their rules. I was about to judge them for who they weren’t. Then I noticed who was doing the judging – the part of me that pretends to be me.

It’s really a revealing moment to notice. It’s a moment that you notice that your reaction isn’t really you. It’s a conditioned, automatic reaction that has a mind of its own, separate and apart from who you really are – a person with a choice.

It’s worth recognizing that you have a choice when you notice that you’re about to display some automatic behavior. Noticing often delivers a different, more refreshing response instead of a stale representation of our conditioning.

As you are out and about over the holidays, your judgement will be tested. Will you be in the puppet show again or will you make another choice? It’s the difference between pretending and being a real live person with a choice.

All the best,

John

P.S. Our Holiday Sale with jaw dropping prices ends this Friday at Midnight at http://JohnMorganSeminars.com Make sure to logon and see what you can accomplish with Hypnosis, and at incredible prices for the holidays.

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How many lateral moves have you made in your life? If you’re like most of us, there are too many to count.

Lest you think I’m talking about your job, let me assure you it’s deeper than that.

Lateral moves are what we do every day. They’re the sideways moves to accumulate more data, knowledge and experience in hopes of moving us forward. The results are anti-climactic. Once we get to that forward point, we want to go farther, and the race begins again – the race to nowhere. There is no satisfying destination associated with lateral moves.

The parallel plane to lateral moves is depth. Once your reach depth, there is no other destination that’s necessary. Depth may not make you smarter or richer, but it will enrich you and your wisdom far beyond any lateral move you can make.

Depth is a place from where we can view the insanity of what we do.

It’s a place of observation rather than judgement.

Depth is reached when we can step away and just notice ourselves in action without having to participate.

Depth is becoming aware of what we do when we are doing it. Depth is the place where change is born.

When you notice what you do while you are doing it, you are at the threshold of change. Change is the natural offshoot of depth. Lateral moves are marketed as change but they only keep you in the same place with a different zip code.

Take a moment today and just observe yourself in action. What you will notice is that you truly can’t move forward when you run from side to side.

All the best,

John

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For the last couple of days I’ve been feeling pressured to write about pressure.

Where is my pressure coming from? It’s coming from the same place it always comes from – Me!

We create our own pressure and attribute it to someone else or to a set of circumstances. For example, “He/She is pressuring me” OR “It’s the pressure of the job.”

He or she may be making a demand, or the job or role may be demanding, but the pressure always comes from you.

Pressure is a sensation that we create in our body. It’s how we have been conditioned to respond to demanding people or situations.

What if your boss says, “Have this report done by 5 o’clock or you’re fired.” Are they pressuring you or using your ability to pressure yourself? They are making a request with consequences and you create the pressure.

It’s useful to know where pressure is coming from in order to diffuse pressure. If it’s perceived as out there somewhere, you’ll have a difficult time getting to the pressure release valves. If they are close by, they are easier to reach.

Envision the “Supermom” who needs some pressure relief. She believes she needs relief from her circumstances, when what she really needs is relief from the standards she’s pressuring herself to uphold. The thinking goes something like this: “If I don’t fold all of that laundry, I’m a bad housekeeper. If I don’t volunteer at the school more often, I’m a bad parent. If I dedicate more time to my job, I’ll be a bad wife.” The list goes on and on.

If you are paying attention, you’ll see where the pressure is coming from. It comes from you. If you can turn it on, you can turn it off.

I don’t know where I first heard this next line but it’s useful in appreciating where pressure comes from and how to diffuse it. “A bill is not a bill until it is paid.”

If you have bills piling up, as many of us do during trying times, you pressure yourself unnecessarily by focusing on the pile. You can only pay them when you pay them, no matter how bad you make yourself feel in the meantime. That’s undue pressure.

Begin to recognize that you are the one applying pressure and you’ll have easier access to the valves. What if you adopted the reality strategy of “The laundry will be folded when it’s folded,” rather than pressuring yourself to live up to an impossible standard?

Life will continue to make demands on your time and abilities. You can relieve lots of the stress simply by noticing that you’re applying the pressure.

All the best,

John

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